Hi, I’m guess I’m here to get help

stmos

stmos

Fapstronaut
So today, I decided to make a change. I’m in my 40s I’m married deeply religious and I have never been able to shake the pornographic addiction I’ve had since I was 16. It’s ruined my life with my wife. I’m only able to perform sexually if I’m drugged up.
I work from home and that doesn’t help. I was able to recently go 11 days Clean and I felt so good. And then it always seems to happen when I’m sitting in church that’s when the thoughts come. Sunday night I slept zero hours. And Monday I relapsed hard. And today I relapsed again. I sound so pathetic. But when I don’t do it, I get the shakes. I can’t sleep. I was able to quit drinking on my own after being a hard-core alcoholic for five years, but this is different.

Praying helped a little bit. Cold showers helped Only to a certain extent because as soon as I warmed up, I was right back at it. One of the only things that seem to really help was taking icy hot balm And placing it on my testicles, As let’s just say within five minutes, you will not be thinking of any sexual activity after that. Due to the intense pain, you will be in. But I’m worried that could do severe damage to me. Does anyone have any advice?
My wife has told me to get my shit together and be a man. I don’t think she knows how hard it is
 
I hear you brother.

Its a horrible situation to be in. It is like some days you aren't in control of your own body.

If you like reading, try "The screwtape letters" by C.S. Lewis.

In a way your wife is correct, we as men should get our shit together. Unfortunately we live in a highly sexualized civilization.

But keep faith, its not impossible to overcome this. Give yourself time to reset, start with something short like a week or month. In that time delve into Scripture and remind yourself that your wife is the most beautiful and precious gift you received and you should cherish her alone.
 
I need to understand that she’s the most important creature in my life. I’ve spent the last week or so cataloging my triggers, and figuring out why I do these things and why I have my fetishes. Which unfortunately led me to a bit of a reset. However, I made it about seven days. Now I feel that I can use that information to make it longer. I’m familiar with these screw tap letters I think I’m going to go ahead and read them again though. I’m committed to beating this. And restoring my marriage.
 
stmos said:
I need to understand that she’s the most important creature in my life. I’ve spent the last week or so cataloging my triggers, and figuring out why I do these things and why I have my fetishes. Which unfortunately led me to a bit of a reset. However, I made it about seven days. Now I feel that I can use that information to make it longer. I’m familiar with these screw tap letters I think I’m going to go ahead and read them again though. I’m committed to beating this. And restoring my marriage.
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You need to start loving yourself first and recognizing your addiction is self harm. Face whatever it is you use your addiction to escape from. Tell your wife what you are escaping. Childhood sexual abuse? Neglect? Etc. start connecting authentically with your wife. Get into a group that will support you. Get into individual counseling with a csat if possible. Get rid of internet if possible. It doesn’t have to be forever but at least in the beginning to get some sobriety
 
Psalm27:1my light said:
You need to start loving yourself first and recognizing your addiction is self harm. Face whatever it is you use your addiction to escape from. Tell your wife what you are escaping. Childhood sexual abuse? Neglect? Etc. start connecting authentically with your wife. Get into a group that will support you. Get into individual counseling with a csat if possible. Get rid of internet if possible. It doesn’t have to be forever but at least in the beginning to get some sobriety
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I think 90% of the reason why I do it, is because I get bored. And when I get bored the devil’s hands get idle. So I’m trying to be much more active. My wife and I are already in counseling and this is where the addiction came out. My church just started a group dealing with pornography addiction that I go to. Its gonna be a long road.
 
stmos said:
I think 90% of the reason why I do it, is because I get bored. And when I get bored the devil’s hands get idle. So I’m trying to be much more active. My wife and I are already in counseling and this is where the addiction came out. My church just started a group dealing with pornography addiction that I go to. Its gonna be a long road.
Click to expand...
Boredom is a huge one. Especially for those with adhd. My husband was undiagnosed adhd. Now that he knows, he treats it and he took up bagpipe lessons, and he writes a history page that takes a lot of research, which he loves!
 
I have diagnosed ADD. And that kind of feeds into the problem. I’ve started also filling my day with more meetings and calls in order to try and keep the boredom at Bay and taking up new hobbies. We’ll see how it works! Thank you for the support!
 
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