Hi. I'm new here and I have a question.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Mar 30, 2020.

  1. Hey guys.

    So I am new here and I have a question. Also. Maybe some of this content could be inappropriate for some people on this site. I dont wanna ruin anything for anyone struggling.

    So, let me begin with a little ground info.

    I'm a 25 yo man who has been watching and consuming tons of porn for over a decade.
    I've had several relationships and some that lasted for years. Ive had hookups and fb's between the relationships. and so on. No problem there.

    My problem is I am completely unable to control my sexual urges when I have a wet dream, sexual frustration or even very strong urges.

    I have managed in the past to abstain from porn for 76 days. And when I say porn I mean naked and fucking etc. Only porn sites. I still fapped to social media etc. That was actually enough to remove my addiction to watching porn. I actually chose to go back and include porn aswell. I've abstained from fapping for 34 days. That work very well until i came across a movie and just lost it.

    I was working on becoming a mens physique competitor a few years back but due to personal problems that never happened.

    I still spend 4 days/ week at the gym.

    I am attracted to muscular/ fitness girls. No anabolic. But clear muscle definition is very attractive. Thats my prefered choise of porn aswell. Including other stuffs.

    But I can't quit go to the gym just to stop seeing athletic women.
    I also can't stop using social media and tinder.
    Social media due to (yea there are lots of attractive women there) but the main fact is that it is very educational! I keep in touch with people through social media so I dont want to quit using that. And being completely honest. If you want to keep up to date. Social media is where you go.

    Tinder because. It actually works. I dont want to quit having real life sex simply because I have to quit tinder.

    So my question is. How do I control my sexual behavior, while still using Tinder, social media for educational purposes and keep hitting the gym?

    Maybe its a dumb question. I dont know. But I've tried everything I've come across and nothing works. I CAN'T do this on my own. I need help!

    Appreciate any tips or help so I can quit porn and fapping.
    The Free Bird likes this.
  2. JasonMamoa

    JasonMamoa Fapstronaut

    You train your mind just like you train your muscles. Same level of dedication is needed. Train slowly and gradually. And foremost consistently. Try to maintain decent streaks. In time you'll have self control to go for full recovery. Every one thinks there sexual urges are out of control but that is just the addict in you doing the talking.
  3. There's no dumb question. I think that you are sabotaging yourself by incorporating the word "can't" into your belief system. Of course you can — you just haven't yet figured out how.

    If I take myself back to when I was addicted to porn, what would happen when I saw an image of a woman, or a real life woman? My eyes would be drawn to her breasts and legs. It felt like an external force!

    I am guessing that it's much the same for you.

    When I realised how sick this was, I decided, for all the right reasons, to stop doing that. When I felt my eyes being drawn down in an image, I'd immediately look away or scroll past. Or, I'd look at the background instead of at the woman. That's easy to do.

    When I felt my eyes being drawn down in real life, I would look at the woman's eyes and see how much I could notice above her head, e.g. walls, cupboards, the ceiling, trees, the sky, whatever. That took a bit of practice, but it works well. You can practice this in the comfort of your home, looking, for example, at any arbitrary spot on a wall or outside tree.

    In the meantime, take a fresh piece of paper and write down everything that porn and porn-subs do to mess up your life. For example, your energy. Also think about the future — your career, your future partner, your future kids — just how much will that mess them up?

    Then, on another fresh piece of paper, write down everything that going clean will do for you. For example, your ability to achieve something important. Again, think about the future — the positive effects it will have on your career, your future partner, your future kids, etc.

    Read these two lists every morning when you get up. At some point, you might be able to throw away the first list. Wouldn't that be great!

    Good luck
  4. Thats one hell of an answer. Thank you very much!
    The Free Bird likes this.
  5. Yea that may be true. I haven't figured it out yet.

    Yea that force you're talking about is pretty accurate.

    Thanks for the advice. Will begin practice.

    Also, after 1 week into a recovery that looking at the eyes thing instead of other things get alot easier. Like, no actual work. It just happens. Naturally.

    I will do the paper thing you're talking about.

    Thank you for such detailed answer. Its really appreciated!
    The Free Bird and Mordobarn like this.
  6. The Free Bird

    The Free Bird Fapstronaut

    Hello and welcome to the community.

    I would recommend you to stay in touch with members and read their success stories. You may also learn tricks to avoid the short-term pleasure and to face the temptations.

    Be aware of your habits and control what you see and what/who you spend your time with.

    This video contains everything that you need to know about porn addiction. And here is a collection of ways to deal with the urges which worked great for me.

    You got this my friend ;)
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. The Free Bird likes this.
  8. Hi, thank you!

    Will do my best to do my part!

    Will check it out!
    The Free Bird likes this.
  9. Thank you all for the great feedback. Its really helpful!:emoji_thumbsup:

    Much love! :emoji_pray:
    Gmork and The Free Bird like this.

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