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Hi I'm tired

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by マーク, Aug 11, 2019.

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  1. マーク

    マーク New Fapstronaut

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    Hello to whoever is reading this. I'm new to the NF community and decided to reach out to it after 3 years of turmoil. When I was 14, I saw an asmr video for the first time on a big YouTube channel; I became curious as to what else was out there and long story short, I ended up opening a door to hell. One that screwed over my life up until now. I masturbated everyday for 3 months thinking that nothing was wrong with it until I got caught by my heavily religious mom. It was the first time my stoic face let out tears of shame in a long time. She had all kinds of explanations and things to talk about, but I'm not very religious, so her way of trying to talk sense into me didn't work. I still realized that what I was doing was wrong on that day, and ever since then, i tried to fight back. I worked out 2 times a day everyday for 1 year, but my poor heart was catching up to me, so despite how much muscle mass i gained, I still collapsed out of exhaustion. Only to find out that I had a rare heart condition called SVT and that I needed an operation to fix it. After contemplating for about a month, a lot happened. I went on a 2 month foreign exchange in Japan, redesigned my room, met a friend i havent seen in 3 years, and much more. But during all those events, i was still hooked on masturbating; it made me feel sick. Like I could've enjoyed all that happened a lot better if I was normal. But to this day, I try and try, but to no avail. The biggest step I made was not masturbating everyday anymore, and even then, its still like 4 or 5 days a week. Im tired, ive developed weird fetishes, and tried to cut myself 3 times. I used to hear voices, but not anymore. I just want my life back. It seemed like only yesterday when I would wake up, play videogames, and draw without a care in the world, but now, even after creating a schedule for myself, I still can't Manage to even go one week without gripping my head in anger and disgust. I honestly don't even know if I'll find help here, but I'm at a point where I'll do anything to live again. So to whoever reads this to end, thanks and please just give anything that you think could help. I'm sorry if I wasted your time.
     
  2. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

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    Friend your not wasting anyones time, everyone here is diferent but our circumstances are all similar.
    Your young your making the right decision at the right time.
    So what you need to decide first is what you truely want to achieve and the then you take steps to achieving your goal, working out is very importante, Also the quality of food you eat.
    Find out what triggers your addiction and your behavior and if possible cut the negative behaviors.
    If its not helping you grow in the direction you want then its not realy helping you are all.
     
  3. マーク

    マーク New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for reaching out; it means a lot. I've already started changing my lifestyle a bit ever since I got back from Japan; diet included. I'll try looking into triggers like you said. My goal is to be a man I can be proud of when I return to Japan; to be able to start my web comic, get better at guitar and Japanese, and become more mature. It might sound like a lot, but I just want to remove my shackles and run as far as I can.
     
    Symbol of Peace and Coffee Candy like this.
  4. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

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    Anything i can help you with just pm me :)
     
    Coffee Candy and マーク like this.
  5. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

    Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button |Day Counter | Rebooting Resources|Forum Rules | Glossary

    If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    You can also take part in one of themany challenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
     
  6. Hey welcome to the forum its good to meet you and have fighting the good fight alongside us

    Some advice:
    Be sure and give a look through all the threads, you might find something to be of great help to you.

    I strongly advise you to be active on your profile; start by choosing an avatar and then make daily posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you
    encouragement/support.
    ★People love to communicate in the profiles section and also the journal section. These are 2 of the most important sections. Also, we could always use your help in supporting members around the forum and in return you most likely will receive some as well!

    You should also highly consider creating a public journal (in the appropriate section[<-- link] for you ) and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along on your journey!

    Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
     
    Symbol of Peace likes this.
  7. Good luck on your journey friend and never give up!
     

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