Hi - New here - Addiction to live cam websites

S

sooper8

Fapstronaut
Hello, glad I finally joined this, already feeling a bit better after reading through some of the threads.

I am a male in my mid twenties and for the past year and a half I have been dealing with a pretty nasty addiction to cam/live porn websites. This has resulted in mental health problems and has also affected my relationships. I've spent over £1000 on 'tokens' and it makes me feel sick when I think about what I've done. I've never once felt anything good come from it, it always results in negative feelings yet there I would be the next day going exactly the same thing. I've tried many times to quit on my own but it wouldn't last any more than 5/6 days before I would relapse.

This feels like a good way to get this stuff off my chest and I hope this is the start of some form of recovery. Thanks for reading.
 
Don't feel bad about your past, you can't change it. Instead, feel good about your bright future. To support your nofap rehabilitation it's important to make new healthy habits. Work out, eat healthy, meditate, play an instrument, learn a language. For you it's also important to install a porn blocker. Going back to these sites shouldn't even be an option. Maybe it's possible to ban these websites from your credit card? I'm not sure about that but it could help.
Focus on socializing too. Fix the broken relationships if they are worth it.
 
Oliver Gunter said:
Don't feel bad about your past, you can't change it. Instead, feel good about your bright future. To support your nofap rehabilitation it's important to make new healthy habits. Work out, eat healthy, meditate, play an instrument, learn a language. For you it's also important to install a porn blocker. Going back to these sites shouldn't even be an option. Maybe it's possible to ban these websites from your credit card? I'm not sure about that but it could help.
Focus on socializing too. Fix the broken relationships if they are worth it.
Click to expand...
Thanks for this, appreciate the advice! I definitely feel like finding something that replaces that aspect of my life is whats desperately needed so I'll try as much as I can.
 
DudeAlex said:
What are your triggers? Becoming aware of them makes a lot of difference.
When you have an uncomfortable or tempting thought or feeling, observe it. Ride it out like a wave, and let it pass without judging. It will be less likely to take hold.
Click to expand...
I'm actually not quite sure. It feels like it's became an unstoppable part of my daily life where the thought just seems to pop into my head almost randomly and next thing I know I'm on one of those websites again and well, you know the rest... so I'm hoping that the more I can stop it from feeling like a part of my daily routine that I'll start to identify what the root problems are. I'll try that next time, thanks for replying to me :)
 
I’ve been reading through posts on this tag and I feel better and have come down to earth a bit. I’m glad that I can find some kind of a support group and am able to read similar experiences, feelings and thoughts and not feel alone on this.

I know that these women are looking for money and most times they are masturbating for anyone to see. I also know that it is a monetary transaction and that there is little to no genuine connection to be expected- or if there appears to be a connection, it is manufactured and she does it with other clients ...

The part that really impacted me recently is being infatuated to one particular girl and not knowing why. And seeing her exploit her body out of necessity (to make money) and feeling genuinely bad for her. I wish I never asked her personal questions to get to know her. I wish I never got what appears as genuine truthful answer followed by supporting pictures of family (allegedly) or corroborating facts which seem to match up pretty well (she cams from her home).

The glimpses into her personal life and of her humanity when we speak (in her room through private messages and in private shows) is what broke me today because I truly felt like even though it’s an infatuation, I feel bad for her that she had to resort to that line of work (though I realize she made that choice and it is probable that she enjoys it and doesn’t care because she is masturbating for an hour or two straight in front of a cam which is accessible to anyone with internet access- all while showing her face).

I have seen the amount of viewers she gets (max 10-12 at a time but usually 5-7 viewers) and the hours she spends touching herself for a mere $25-$40 per few hours, but sometimes less... I am not trying to save her, but I also don’t think of sex workers as subhuman. They have feelings too and are people. And that’s were the conflicted feelings started to eat away at me. I wanted to help, over extend myself but why should I if I know what’s really going on? It broke me and ate away at my during the day. The infatuation and feeling of pity towards her made he feel very off.

I wish I never bought tokens, I wish I never tried to make a connection while making these transactions (in an effort to make it pleasurable for the both of us and not just demand and tip and resort to the usual graphic filth she is bombarded with on the daily).

I wish I never asked personal questions to this “cam girl” who is unattainable and realistically wouldn’t or couldn’t meet with me even if she was interested (which most likely she is not) . I hate infatuation at first site and I hate the false sense of hope I got from cam rooms and cam girls.

I am trying to cut my losses and am working towards a detox of this cam site and cam girl. I want to not fall for any cam girl and maybe completely stop watching cam rooms and porn.
 
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i_feel_stupid said:
I’ve been reading through posts on this tag and I feel better and have come down to earth a bit. I’m glad that I can find some kind of a support group and am able to read similar experiences, feelings and thoughts and not feel alone on this.

I know that these women are looking for money and most times they are masturbating for anyone to see. I also know that it is a monetary transaction and that there is little to no genuine connection to be expected- or if there appears to be a connection, it is manufactured and she does it with other clients ...

The part that really impacted me recently is being infatuated to one particular girl and not knowing why. And seeing her exploit her body out of necessity (to make money) and feeling genuinely bad for her. I wish I never asked her personal questions to get to know her. I wish I never got what appears as genuine truthful answer followed by supporting pictures of family (allegedly) or corroborating facts which seem to match up pretty well (she cams from her home).

The glimpses into her personal life and of her humanity when we speak (in her room through private messages and in private shows) is what broke me today because I truly felt like even though it’s an infatuation, I feel bad for her that she had to resort to that line of work (though I realize she made that choice and it is probable that she enjoys it and doesn’t care because she is masturbating for an hour or two straight in front of a cam which is accessible to anyone with internet access- all while showing her face).

I have seen the amount of viewers she gets (max 10-12 at a time but usually 5-7 viewers) and the hours she spends touching herself for a mere $25-$40 per few hours, but sometimes less... I am not trying to save her, but I also don’t think of sex workers as subhuman. They have feelings too and are people. And that’s were the conflicted feelings started to eat away at me. I wanted to help, over extend myself but why should I if I know what’s really going on? It broke me and ate away at my during the day. The infatuation and feeling of pity towards her made he feel very off.

I wish I never bought tokens, I wish I never tried to make a connection while making these transactions (in an effort to make it pleasurable for the both of us and not just demand and tip and resort to the usual graphic filth she is bombarded with on the daily).

I wish I never asked personal questions to this “cam girl” who is unattainable and realistically wouldn’t or couldn’t meet with me even if she was interested (which most likely she is not) . I hate infatuation at first site and I hate the false sense of hope I got from cam rooms and cam girls.

I am trying to cut my losses and am working towards a detox of this cam site and cam girl. I want to not fall for any cam girl and maybe completely stop watching cam rooms and porn.
Click to expand...
Thanks for sharing your experience as well, it really helps to know there's others feeling the same way. This never happened to me as I'd end up moving from girl to girl however I would usually find myself always on the later pages with less popular girls or the cheaper rooms as I knew I'd get more attention there so I can see how it would be easy to feel particularly involved with one girl. We've both taken the first step to getting free of it and I think you've already identified the problem with it so that's a good start.

One thing I'm doing is really digging deep with myself to try and work out what drove me to this in the first place and for me I've realised it felt like the next step after regular porn as I started to feel worse in real life due to the affect that porn had on me at a young age. This led to me seeking some form of interaction and it's always easier when it's on the internet. It really starts to affect every part of your life and these sites are so manipulative to people with these problems imo, especially since some of them are now allowing you to reactivate your account without ever deleting it on their system so if you try and get clean then eventually relapse it's easier than ever to pick up where you left off. Sucks.

Thanks again for replying, you can get through this, just try and stay strong.
 
Welcome!
We're all fighting this battle and we share your struggles!
For me was sexting.. I was too afraid of webcams/calls so I was underground sexting a lot.. It broke me. It hurt me so much..
My life was a mess and 11 years ago I started my recovery..It has been hard with ups and downs but Im here, trying every day to hit the addiction..
I hope you can reach your first goal!
One day at a time!
 
Mate I was in the same situation: I didn't spend that much money compared to you but I had the same feelings and stuff.
That you just can't withstand the urge of buying these tokens. But then when you are done you feel so terrible.
Let's be positive: We took the first step through finding the general enemy - the addiction to masturbation in general.
Good luck
 
MexFighter said:
Welcome!
We're all fighting this battle and we share your struggles!
For me was sexting.. I was too afraid of webcams/calls so I was underground sexting a lot.. It broke me. It hurt me so much..
My life was a mess and 11 years ago I started my recovery..It has been hard with ups and downs but Im here, trying every day to hit the addiction..
I hope you can reach your first goal!
One day at a time!
Click to expand...
Thanks! Hope you're doing okay as well, I know how hard it can be but stay strong.
 
Dude.. I just update my counter :(
I relapsed lastnight.. I didnt ever care dude :( I just turn off my blockers and did it..
21 days on streak..
Fighting hard cause this is hardddd.. I want to see us succefulllll!
 
nicoshred64 said:
Mate I was in the same situation: I didn't spend that much money compared to you but I had the same feelings and stuff.
That you just can't withstand the urge of buying these tokens. But then when you are done you feel so terrible.
Let's be positive: We took the first step through finding the general enemy - the addiction to masturbation in general.
Good luck
Click to expand...
It's really tough not to once you start. I remember a time thinking I could never even imagine the reality of spending money on porn or tokens and what a waste when there's all this free stuff on the internet but sooner or later, for some people, it's like the ability and the urge seems to appear one day and it can spiral so badly. But you're right, at the route of it it's all the same thing, it just takes different forms. Thanks and good luck to you as well! We can beat it.
 
MexFighter said:
Dude.. I just update my counter :(
I relapsed lastnight.. I didnt ever care dude :( I just turn off my blockers and did it..
21 days on streak..
Fighting hard cause this is hardddd.. I want to see us succefulllll!
Click to expand...
Ah I’m sorry to hear that, it happens though. Just try focus on how you feel about it now, try and find a way to channel that. That’s what I’m doing, since a week ago when I last did it anyway. Good luck from now, take each day at a time.
 
sooper8 said:
Ah I’m sorry to hear that, it happens though. Just try focus on how you feel about it now, try and find a way to channel that. That’s what I’m doing, since a week ago when I last did it anyway. Good luck from now, take each day at a time.
Click to expand...
Thanks amigo!
Lets make this month count!
 
Hi,

Just wanted to update based on my original post, think it will help me to get it out there again.

I was doing great, I didn’t go anywhere near cam/porn sites from the day I first posted on here until about 10 days ago. So roughly 3 months. So yeah, 10 days ago I relapsed; not fully but I started to slowly gain back old habits.

The worst thing was I could start to feel it happening again, bit by bit over the last few weeks. I knew it would end in me going back to it and I didn’t stop myself.

I guess the main reason I’m updating this is to say: this shit is hard, all you can do is try your best. I don’t think these habits ever truly go away, you just have to stay as strong as you can cause it’s so damaging when you have an addiction like this.

Anyway, I’ve reset my counter and I’m having another bash at this cause what else can we do? I want to feel the way I did during those 3 months again, not the way I feel after what I’ve went back to this past week.

Hope anyone who reads this is doing okay!

Thanks.
 
Hey there.. Do you remember my last relapse? That day helped me a lo to realize I wasnt doing enough and now Im in my 90s days free.
I know how strong the chase effect can be so I really hope you can go out there and DECIDE every day to no consume!
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
 
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