Hi. New wife here

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Chelly, Jul 30, 2016.

  1. Chelly

    Chelly New Fapstronaut

    I'm so exhausted with my life right now. My husbands addiction has become my obsession. I have confronted him before about it which has led to sneaky news from both of us. He knows and now tries to hide his porn use but I am now super spy. I cannot believe how much porn he actually watches and wonder were he finds the time. He watches ten videos this morning. I am so tired and wish I could leave. I do however love him and we have two young children. I just needed to reach out and say this to someone.
  2. Chelly

    Chelly New Fapstronaut

    Oops typos everywhere
    i_wanna_get_better1 likes this.
  3. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

    Welcome to the forum. Porn addict has damaged or destroyed many relationships. There are many stories in the Relationship folder where many husbands and wives have documented their journey. You are not alone in feeling the way you do. There is also hope for your husband if he every decides to quit. Unfortunately there is not much you can do to wake him up. Read through some of the threads and feel free to post your story and ask us some questions.
    TheSumOfAllBeers likes this.
  4. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

    Hi Chelly!

    Being a porn addict is pretty crappy. I understand your point of view as the victim. This guy is also suffering.

    Check this old classic video, that may help you understand what's taking place here:

  5. Chelly

    Chelly New Fapstronaut

    Thank you. How do get him to watch this without it being a big angry thing. He gets very angry now if I bring the porn up.
  6. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut


    first and foremost, my wife gives me more sex since I stopped PMO'ing....how frequents are your encounters, knowing you got tow young ones?

    Does he know that you know? I mean...my wife knew for 18 years and decided to stay mute and show that it didn't bother her, so it was a "false" secret...
    She truly believed that it didn't bother her for a long long time, until she spoke her mind.
    But once she approached me telling me that it did hurt her feelings and also making her feel bad about herself, I understood. My wife decided to help me, which was a godsend.

    all in all, I'm not the best advisor on here, but I'd say that if you are willing to believe and consider that porn addiction is a REAL addiction, just like smoking, alcoholism or drug abuse, then you can decide if you want to help!
    God bless you if you want to help. Its very touchy to say around here (the ladies hate it), but it would be important that you believe that its not because he doesn't love you that he does that. And also, its not because you aren't sexy.

    I'm 200+ days porn and masturbation-free...and I'm reading a book that I recommend to every one on here!

    It's extremely interesting!
  7. Chelly

    Chelly New Fapstronaut

    We have talked about it and fought about it. We are currently both pretending it's not happening. It's been going on for years. Around three years ago was the first time that I noticed something wasn't OK. He is a camp worker so as far as sex goes it's only when he's home but lots. The problem is Ed and inability to reach orgasm with me and there has been times I catch him a few minutes later hiding watching porn.... He knows how bad it makes me feel. That has been very clearly expressed. That is why he is taking such pains to try to hide his porn use. But I can always tell because our sex life tells me. I know he loves me and I do love him but I am tired of this. It's been years now. I googled porn addiction for the first time two years ago. I am posting here now because I need help and someone to talk to. I can't live the rest of my life like this I'm only 34 and we have been together almost ten years.
    WifeInTheDark likes this.
  8. Sojourner7777

    Sojourner7777 Fapstronaut

    Hi Chelly, so sorry to hear about your situation and the ravaging impact of porn on your marriage.

    I don't know how to say this gently, but I believe your husband hasn't yet reached a moment of insight into how his addiction is affecting his marriage. By you 'pretending it's not happening' you're partially playing an enabling role.

    He needs to experience the consequences of his addiction, which in this case should probably be an ultimatum. Porn or marriage.

    If he persists, be prepared to move out. I know that's so hard and so drastic, and has so many practical issues associated with it, but he actually needs a massive wake-up call to bring him to his senses.

    I'm sorry to say I don't believe it will just 'get better' by itself. Porn use escalates by nature, and the porn addict's need for novelty pushes him to more and more perverse material. In the context of that kind of super-stimulation, normal sex becomes increasingly difficult to sustain.

    Chelly, I sincerely hope he comes to his senses soon. Then a journey of recovery is possible. Please don't just 'blink' as another decade could pass and you find yourself in the same situation.

    Strength to you,
  9. Three loud and clear hallmarks of a pmo addiction.
    1. ED
    2. DE
    3. Killing a relationship (in your case a family) for a ridiculous unnecessary thing - porn and wanking.

    I must disagree with you, Chelly. He hides it so he can continue to do it.

    I'm sorry you find yourself here, Chelly. Recovery is possible, but he needs to wake up and do the work required.

    I wish you the best.
  10. LetsGetBigGODDAMMIT

    LetsGetBigGODDAMMIT Fapstronaut

    if he is watching extreme stuff like crossdressing porn I suggest you leave him. That is poisonous and you need to think of your children.

    If he just watching regular porn then its not a terribly big deal. But 9/10 addicts escalate their porn so he will turn to something more extreme. Try to get him to quit.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 1, 2016
  11. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    I understand. I'm so sorry you're in this situation but I'm glad you found this place. I'll add you to our private group for SOs as well.

    The most important thing for you to know is, this is not your fault. Nothing you did caused it. You are not responsible to fix it. Yes, you can support him but he has to reach a point where he is willing to do the work to change. Addicts often must reach rock bottom before they reach that point.
    WifeInTheDark likes this.

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