Hi there! Another one who doesn't want to bite the dust just yet!

JimJones

JimJones

Fapstronaut
I've decided to improve my life by giving up porn. I'm a 40 year old man, a good (I believe) husband and dad but I feel I'm wasting my time on seeking worthless visual thrills instead of enjoying worthy stuff, enriching my personality and spending quality time with my wife & kids.

What's been contributing to my misery has been my bisexuality - I was looking to fulfill my desires for young men in video chats instead of focusing on my heterosexual relationship. Many years ago I decided I want to live a straight life - build a happy family. I've been very successful on the outside. I don't think anyone from people who know me can deny that. However, on the inside, I often feel a loser, a fraud, unworthy and empty. Hardly anything makes me happy, even for a moment. Except one category of things - the porn and cam chats. These give me sort of an adrenaline rush but after climax the guilt and self-hate kick in and stay for hours or even days...

So, I'm desperately looking for a way out - for true light in the tunnel. I don't want to be sentenced to serving unwanted desires and want to be in control of my behaviour and daily choices.

What do you think? I look forward to your advice!

Thank you
Jim Jones
 
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you.

We accept you as you are but since you have a made a decision to live a straight life... live a straight life. Anything attention or affection you are giving to anyone other than your wife is cheating on her. As addicts, our lust for PMO and self-denial of harm being done often takes us to places we never thought we would go.

Now is the time to do what you need to do and do what you swore to do in your wedding vows.

We will support and encourage you along your journey.

What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
 
JimJones said:
Hardly anything makes me happy, even for a moment. Except one category of things - the porn and cam chats.
Click to expand...

All of us here can understand what that feels like. There is no high that feels as good as when we are indulging in our addiction. Nothing takes away the pain, the judgment, or the cares of life like our addiction. And nothing feels as low as when we come out of that 'trance' we put ourselves in when we act out. Everything else feels boring and bland compared our true love. We form a tolerance to the vanilla things and we have to escalate our behavior in order to get the same feeling. Either we act out more frequently, with increasingly hardcore material, or crossing over into real life. It warps us so badly that it can start to reshape our natural sexuality.

Many of us have addictive personalities and we live life in extremes. Some of us use porn to medicate underlying mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. Some of us are just bored or lonely. You will have to analyze yourself and see why you are drawn to strongly to porn.

What we have is not a bad habit but a full blown addiction. Addiction keeps us shacked down and prevents us from breaking free. Fighting alone doesn't work. Willpower alone doesn't work. Only when you apply the techniques that addicts use to break free will you find success. Here is a link to my 1 year success story with a list of things that helped me. I hope you find things there that can help you on your journey.
 
Hey.

As far as I'm concerned, bisexual tendencies arise when certain other porn-related novelties wear off. If I were you, I'd head to Amazon and grab a book called Brain Gain – it's by Danavir Goswami. This should start to shine some light on why you feel the way you do and why excessive sex can truly break a man in many more ways than one.

I think the first step for you should be internet/computer abstinence. Depending on your profession, this could prove to be difficult. You need to stay away from those cam sites. Please trust me when I tell you they are no good. I worked for a company that ran one of the world's most popular cam sites out of California. It's something you do NOT want to get hooked on.

Read the book I suggested and go from there. Feel free to consult with me by way of private message if you need anything or if you think that I could be of assistance to you.

Best of luck.
 
Welcome to NoFap! The spectrum and array of human sexuality is wide and deep! You will find that NoFap has lots of guys with all sorts of sexual interests, and you are certainly not alone regarding the issues you have mentioned. I hope the anonymity and supportiveness of NoFap becomes a good catalyst for you to explore your issues, and provides you the help (or at least to find the direction for help) that will benefit you. I wish you all the very best for your journey ahead, and yes, if you need help with anything, don't hesitate to call out ok. Cheers.
 
Thank you, D.J.!

D . J . said:
...What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
Click to expand...

I'm trying to fill the emotional void by creating and following my to do list. It's not just about duties but also aspirations. Also, I'm leaving some time for short meditation or thinking and journaling. My ultimate goal is to be so surrounded by worthy pursuits as to not need the porn. Until then, I'm trying to at least maximize the length of my 'clean' periods - even if it means two or three days.
 
JimJones said:
Thank you, D.J.!



I'm trying to fill the emotional void by creating and following my to do list. It's not just about duties but also aspirations. Also, I'm leaving some time for short meditation or thinking and journaling. My ultimate goal is to be so surrounded by worthy pursuits as to not need the porn. Until then, I'm trying to at least maximize the length of my 'clean' periods - even if it means two or three days.
Click to expand...
Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips to help you along your journey.
 
Welcome to the NoFap community.
Here are some strategies that may be helpful:
  • Get an accountability partner here.
  • Start a journal here, select your age group and Post New Thread.
  • It's important to replace the bad habit of PMO with a good habit. Some suggestions: Read articles in a field you are interested in. Learn time management. Learn about self confidence and motivation. Take online courses. Learn about self confidence and motivation. Read a self help book. Go out and socialize.
  • It's also important to be strong physically: Eat well. Drink about 2 liters of water per day. Exercise for 30 minutes each day. Get at least 6-7 hours of sleep.
  • Many have found meditation to be helpful--it can take the place of PMO time and help your physical, psychological and spiritual health. Start with 5 minutes, gradually increase to 20 minutes, once or better twice a day.
 
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