Hi there

I've never in my entire life posted a thread on a forum before so this is a first.

I'm a 24 years old male and recently I started seeing this girl that turned my whole world upside down. I am in those first stages of love with the butterflies and everything and I am more happier than I've ever been in the last couple of years.

The problem that I experience is sexual anxiety.

I haven't had sexual intercourse with someone for more than a year. I know my abstinence plays a huge role but I think my main problem is porn addiction. And not just regular porn, for the past 4-5 years I have watched nothing but transsexual porn.
I am not gay, I am not attracted to men, and I would never in real life try to do something with a transsexual, its just that there's something about transsexual porn that gets me going. As I've done some research, there are a lot of men with the same addiction as me. Don't know the science behind it though.

Also my past sexual experience before my abstinence wasn't so good. Can't say I've enjoyed sex that much, it always felt one-sided. My partners would reach an orgasm very fast and I was left with other means except vaginal intercourse to finish the job.
This was the case in my past 3 relationships. For me sex became just the ending part of it, I stopped enjoying the whole thing.

While I was in high-school it was entirely different. I enjoyed every minute of it and was always in the moment.

I signed up here because I think its time I stopped watching transsexual porn. Actually any porn at all because my firm believe is that it has a lot bad influence in my sexual life.

I would also appreciate if anyone can point me toward some reading material or anything that relates to sexual anxiety or sexual performance anxiety, or just give me an advice.

I really like this girl and I want to enjoy our intimacy to the fullest. I want to feel her without thinking what's happening down there. I want to get lost in her smell, her touch and her warmth without some subconscious thoughts fucking up my mood.

I feel like I've lost my manhood and I WANT TO GET IT BACK !