Hi

After quite a bit of back and forth, I am now ready to accept the idea that my dissatisfactory sex life might be linked to my masturbation habits.

After a friend pitched NoFap to me half a year ago, I half-heartedly tried to reduce masturbation and pornography. Now I made my way here, hoping to get some sort of guidance and support in order to actually change my masturbation habits.

So what's my "dissatisfactory sex life" about?

I am 30 years old, basically a virgin (I had some sexual interaction some years ago), I don't have a girlfriend and no casual sexual contact to women, either. A good friend once inquired whether or not I was gay (or in another instance, I was asked "whether I am clear on my sexuality").
All I can say for sure is, I am inhibited and anxious around women, increasingly so the more attractive they are. I typically only flirt accidentally and without success. There were occurrences where I pushed women away who indicated sexual interest.

Apart from this, I am quite satisfied with my life. I like my work and my hobbies and I have a few good friends. Friday nights and Saturday nights, I often spend alone, but that's fine. I fully enjoy life.

My specific goals here are:
Either, reboot - no pornography, no masturbation, no orgasm (well, that's implied in my case) for three month and see how things work out.
Or, IF people can recommend that: P-Mode, no pornography simply.

I am not yet convinved that actual masturbation is as much of a problem of mine as my porn-habits (see below). If it should be the case that P-Mode isn't any easier, I might do the full thing, as well.

Now the habits of mine, I want to get rid of:

I watch porn, about once or twice a week, exclusively hentai, to jerk off. This is not something, I talk about to anyone. For reasons of principle, I would prefer not to carry around secrets like that.
For some reason I never watched the "usual" porn that much and instead went straight to hentai as far as I remember.
In the Porn Addiction 101, a "trance-like state" was mentioned. I can relate to that. When I jerk off like that, I spend between 10 minutes and more than an hour.

I tend to "cultivate" my horniness, sometimes waiting a few days, planning out the masturbation in positive anticipation of my orgasm.

When I'm horny, I sexualize women around me. Typically, that involves staring at strangers passing by or in the subway, which goes *mostly* unnoticed.

For what it's worth: I researched quite a bit about psychological topics. As written here, porn addiction is not yet covered very well in the psychological literature. I found a solid theoretical background on the topic, however, in a book about the more general topics of intimacy in interpersonal relationships (just ask me about it).

Also, I talked about my upbringing with some of my siblings and we all are under the impression that both our parents always were emotionally distant, psychologically speaking, denying us "love food". So we (as siblings) certainly carry a kind of scar there.

Thanks for reading.

 

Thanks! It has been great so far!