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High expectations.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by greenishmoon, Sep 1, 2019.

  1. Sep 1, 2019 #1
    greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

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    For years, while growing, I had massive desires to be with girls, speaking in general, and having wild sex in particular.
    I've been in a relashionship, and went out with some girls, but I've started noticing that the extreme anticipation I felt while thinking on being with woman was just a false, fantastical perception.

    I daydream about how awesome and life-changing would be being with X person in a formal relationship or in bed, but anytime I'm awake interacting with a girl the sensation is just...human. I've exaggerated sex life for so many years that now that I realize how dumb it was (I blame porn and hollywood) to make it so big of a deal I feel just frustrated.
    I have now to learn how to behave in reality, though I know how ridiculous that sounds, and to stop trying to control everything to fit into the fantasy world of fictions.

    The bright side is, well, exactly the same, I now know that it is not so much of a deal, so the pressure of getting better and acomplishing what I think is a healthy sexual life is, at least in my mind, something achievable and normal.

    So those were my thoughts today,
    Have you experienced something similar?
     
    greenishmoon, Sep 1, 2019
    greenishmoon, Sep 1, 2019
    #1
    koolpal and elevate like this.
  2. Sep 1, 2019 #2
    elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    When I was younger I was very much into solitude and escaping reality.

    Real experiences and real people aren't as easy, ideal, certain, and painless as fantasies, but I found it to be more fulfilling and rewarding. They're worth the risks, complexities, and hardships. They force me to grow as a person.

    Everything in reality is imperfect and impermanent, but I've learned to love it.
     
    elevate, Sep 1, 2019
    elevate, Sep 1, 2019
    #2
    koolpal, Protagonist and greenishmoon like this.
  3. Sep 1, 2019 #3
    CerealKiller

    CerealKiller Fapstronaut

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    The magic is in the uniqueness and spirit of the other person.
    Attraction doesn’t always have to mean sex, but rather it is the energizing polarity between men and women.
    Media portrays women as infallible even when they make mistakes. Us men are also naturally designed to protect and provide for those we care about.
    In this we fall into pedestalizing women when they are WAY more like us than you think.
    Women are just as insecure about being dateable, and connecting, and all that crap we think we as men are unique in suffering.
    Sure, we each also have our own challenges, but the overlap is pretty apparent.

    Porn and media warps our senses and makes it hard to appreciate the small things (dopamine overdosing).

    Dr Petersons 12 rules - Rule 9: Assume the person you are listening to knows something you don’t.

    People are as fascinating as you wish they were. You have to retrain your focus so that you can see it.
     
    CerealKiller, Sep 1, 2019
    CerealKiller, Sep 1, 2019
    #3
    koolpal and greenishmoon like this.
  4. Sep 1, 2019 #4
    greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

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    @CerealKiller Great post, thank you. I have a long road to take to recover some of what I shoul've been in this regard.

    I've been noticing this for the first time in my life, but it's fucked up how late this is.

    Also, thanks @elevate for your always thoughtful posts.
     
    greenishmoon, Sep 1, 2019
    greenishmoon, Sep 1, 2019
    #4

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