His Facebook friends

Few things

1. You said he went to therapy - but did you get any help?
2. As a PA I don't think it would be out of line for you to say "it would make me more comfortable to meet your female friends/coworkers, etc, for my own peace of mind. Frame it as a boundary that you need to feel safe with him. Hopefully, he would understand.
3. She sent you a bikini picture? WTF.

 

I’m so sorry Lilla. Personally, no married person male or female should have friends of the opposite sex that their partner doesn’t know about. That forsaking all other part of the vow wasn’t just about sex. You have a right to know whatever you need to know to feel safe.

 

This is not acceptable in a healthy relationship.

This is a gray area, if he likes to consume this kind of material is up to you to accept it or not.

If he deleted them, he knew he was doing something wrong so you are probably rigth not beliving him.

Haha, don't beleive that either. (My dog eat my homework)

Do you want to be with a man that make you feel that way?

No, he sent you there because he knew his was fucking up and payed for your forgiveness..

.. and also do what ever he wanted to do but couldn't with you around.

He fucked up big time, he disrespect you in the worst way.. this should be the deal breaker... but for some reason you forgive him. Is not his decition anymore, you shoud kick him out of your life.

You don't trust in him anymore. A couple cannot work without trust. He makes you a bitter and resentful person when a partener should lift you up, make you even happier than you were before knowing him.

Yeap, you don't trust him at all.. Do you want to live the rest of your life with this fears?

No, this is not acceptable. You cannot decide who he has in his friends list. You should be able to trust him that he will only have friends in his contact list.

You can set your boundries, telling him that is not ok for you if he have other woman that are not friends in his contacts list or it's not ok to go out with them.. talk etc. Is up to him to do it or not and according to his action you can decide if he is respecting your boundries.

Yes it is. Controlling people in the bottom are weak people that don't trust in the other person. In this case he make you this way by his disrespectfull actions.

Is not a perfect world, in a normal healthy relationship this should be the norm.

You are waisting your time with this guy, trust is broken with him at this point and is something that is not going to come back in several years. There are a lot of guys out there that are as good as him that can be trusted... this guy already blow his chances with you, he doesn't deserve you.

If you want to be with him despite what happened... then theres no other way that starting to trust him and see what happens. Telling him that you don't trust him is not going to help at all. Today he is behaving perfectly so the one with trust issues is you. Or you get help and learn how to trust in this guy again or you move on with your life. He already made his work to get better, now is your time to decide if you want to work for him or look for another man an have a fresh start.

 

Hey, this is about what he did to you and not the other way around.

Even if he is a better person than in the past, it was him and him alone that led to your mistrust and mediocre sex life.

There are plenty of men out there that you can trust, raise a family and enjoy having sex with. You may be wasting your formidable years with this man.

The phantom vacation where he faked contrition to get rid of you in order to have an affair, in my opinion is unforgivable. I don't understand his mentality of pretending that it never happened and that you just have to get over it.

He has to re-earn your trust. Take as long as you need. It may take a while before you start enjoying sex with him again.

If he truly cares about you, he will be patient and allow you to fully recover. If he pressures you or redirects any of the blame onto you then you should leave him.

 

Trust is broken and extremely difficult to rebuilt... if not impossible.

if it were me and my wife had done this it would be game over. I could never trust her again. Dont give a fuck if she was depressed, it’s no excuse. I’ve been suicidally depressed in the past and I still knew right from wrong.

He sounds like a right prick.

Relationship sounds like it’s doomed already from what you’ve written. Your talking about policing him which means all trust is gone. Once that goes it’s going to lead to resentment from both sides.

This guy does not deserve you!

 

I’d be tempted to test him. Get a hot girlfriend of yours to start chatting him up and see what his resolve is like. I bet he fails that test.

It’s a bit petty going down that route but it would give you your answer.

 

If I was a woman, I couldn't imagine myself having to put these rules on a boyfriend, let alone a husband.

Have you had any children with him yet?

 

I certainly wouldn't think that, and any guy that would is... well... I'll stop before getting carried away. Really, the opinions of internet strangers are irrelevant.

What you get to ruminate is if you'd want your husband, as he is, to be the father of YOUR children (whether intentional or by accident), knowing that you'll have to deal with him for the rest of your life if he ends up being a baby-daddy. And if not, then, what's the best thing to do for your happiness?