Well into our forth year of marriage, my husband got a terrible depression and escalated into something of a porn addict. While we had previously been exceptionally happy together (like really, really deliriously happy), everything just fell apart at that point.
I found out that he had written to a woman on Facebook and that she had sent him pics of her vagina. He also indulged in porn videos with his friends, alone at work and on his way to work, in the bathroom with his phone, yeah you all know the drill. I found deleted conversations with a transvestite on his phone and while he assured their conversations was of a non sexual nature, I don't believe it for a second. I also don't believe that someone broke in to his phone to create a pornographic snapchat account or search for pay to play women and virtually every tattooed slut online. He lied through his teeth and made a fool of me. I cried so much I almost died, so he sent me on a month long vacation to rest, which not only gave him plenty of opportunity to indulge in more porn but also to bed this Thai co-worker he previously deemed hopelessly unattractive. At least he admitted to fucking her after she gracefully reached out to me, explaining what they had done and, with a cold heart bursting of pity, sending me a pic of herself in a bikini, as to make the whole thing a bit more visual for me. This was the breaking point: I told him to get help or get out of my life.
So a year and a half ago he got treatment for his depression and the personality change is astounding. He is like his former self and I couldn't be more happy... except for the fact that I'm now not the trusting naive innocent girly girl I once was. I'm now a bitter and resentful person, who can't enjoy sex with him and doesn't trust anyone in this world.
So we are about to move house. I feel terribly anxious and afraid he will start to hunt our female neighbours (or other women) online. I mean, I have no reason to believe he would fall back to his depressed ways, he has done nothing so far that I know of that indicates he is on the slow track back to Perversion Avenue. Yet I know nothing of his social media friends and I have NO intention to snoop even if I could get away with it. It is simply something I'm completely over. But I don't know if I should make some kind of ultimatum: No female friends that I don't know and/or approve of. This is an ultimatum I've kinda already put, but I haven't enforced it, meaning I haven't urged him to prove anything. I don't know if this is considered controlling behavior, considering his colorful past both in cyberspace and on the couch of Miss Bangkok Pancake Butt. See, I have no desire in being his mother, or some kind of household sheriff. In a perfect world he would police himself so I didn't have to. But I also know that "what doesn't get measured doesn't get managed". And I don't wanna move with a man who will waste my time and defecate on my heart once more. How can I talk to him about this?
I found out that he had written to a woman on Facebook and that she had sent him pics of her vagina. He also indulged in porn videos with his friends, alone at work and on his way to work, in the bathroom with his phone, yeah you all know the drill. I found deleted conversations with a transvestite on his phone and while he assured their conversations was of a non sexual nature, I don't believe it for a second. I also don't believe that someone broke in to his phone to create a pornographic snapchat account or search for pay to play women and virtually every tattooed slut online. He lied through his teeth and made a fool of me. I cried so much I almost died, so he sent me on a month long vacation to rest, which not only gave him plenty of opportunity to indulge in more porn but also to bed this Thai co-worker he previously deemed hopelessly unattractive. At least he admitted to fucking her after she gracefully reached out to me, explaining what they had done and, with a cold heart bursting of pity, sending me a pic of herself in a bikini, as to make the whole thing a bit more visual for me. This was the breaking point: I told him to get help or get out of my life.
So a year and a half ago he got treatment for his depression and the personality change is astounding. He is like his former self and I couldn't be more happy... except for the fact that I'm now not the trusting naive innocent girly girl I once was. I'm now a bitter and resentful person, who can't enjoy sex with him and doesn't trust anyone in this world.
So we are about to move house. I feel terribly anxious and afraid he will start to hunt our female neighbours (or other women) online. I mean, I have no reason to believe he would fall back to his depressed ways, he has done nothing so far that I know of that indicates he is on the slow track back to Perversion Avenue. Yet I know nothing of his social media friends and I have NO intention to snoop even if I could get away with it. It is simply something I'm completely over. But I don't know if I should make some kind of ultimatum: No female friends that I don't know and/or approve of. This is an ultimatum I've kinda already put, but I haven't enforced it, meaning I haven't urged him to prove anything. I don't know if this is considered controlling behavior, considering his colorful past both in cyberspace and on the couch of Miss Bangkok Pancake Butt. See, I have no desire in being his mother, or some kind of household sheriff. In a perfect world he would police himself so I didn't have to. But I also know that "what doesn't get measured doesn't get managed". And I don't wanna move with a man who will waste my time and defecate on my heart once more. How can I talk to him about this?
