Hoarding and addiction combo, any advice please?

Salt & Light · Sep 3, 2019

Addiction and hoarding.
My BF has had an addiction since late teens which he is struggling with, but we think he may also have issues with hoarding - storing large quantities of P, not letting go. This has likely caused issues with previous reboot attempts and I was wondering if anybody else has experience with this? He did deleted all P before last reboot but is now 'gathering' again after slipping back into P cycle, and having thoughts about regretting deleting. I assumed the P addiction was a stand alone issue, but now it seems hoarding may also be contributing to his negative behavior.
He also does this with music, comics and games so it seems likely to be a problem.
Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated, thank you!

Fenix Rising · Sep 3, 2019

Salt & Light said: ↑

Addiction and hoarding.
My BF has had an addiction since late teens which he is struggling with, but we think he may also have issues with hoarding - storing large quantities of P, not letting go. This has likely caused issues with previous reboot attempts and I was wondering if anybody else has experience with this? He did deleted all P before last reboot but is now 'gathering' again after slipping back into P cycle, and having thoughts about regretting deleting. I assumed the P addiction was a stand alone issue, but now it seems hoarding may also be contributing to his negative behavior.
He also does this with music, comics and games so it seems likely to be a problem.
Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated, thank you!
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I believe hoarding is not a problem as long as he's not collecting real life material objects too. I had tons of P, music, games on my PC when I was addicted. I'd say to address PMO addiction first and see if hoarding persist. I'd also give up on games in early recovery period to avoid developing cross addiction. Brain will seek the easiest way to get dopamine when in dopamine deficiency state. Deleting all P and any other explicit material from PC should be a no brainer. Maybe installing web filter like Qustodio should be a good idea in early recovery if he lacks self-discipline in early weeks of recovery. You could be password custodian.

Robinthehood · Sep 4, 2019

I used to download porn, even though I didn't really need to..I had quite slow internet and a low limit, about 5gig a month I think..but that was enough.
My theory goes- I used to think of porn as
a nutrient that I could only get from the internet and I'd abuse and take as much as I could get. Downloading and hoarding porn is another aspect of serious porn addiction.

If he has any porn on his machine then there's no way he can make an attempt at quitting, with any chance of success.

Just a thought.. is his porn use and hoarding of it intertwined with his sexual relationship with you? Does he get off on knowing you know etc? Personal question I know, but if it is, could be another avenue to look in to.

All the best

Salt & Light · Sep 4, 2019

Fenix Rising said: ↑

I believe hoarding is not a problem as long as he's not collecting real life material objects too. I had tons of P, music, games on my PC when I was addicted. I'd say to address PMO addiction first and see if hoarding persist. I'd also give up on games in early recovery period to avoid developing cross addiction. Brain will seek the easiest way to get dopamine when in dopamine deficiency state. Deleting all P and any other explicit material from PC should be a no brainer. Maybe installing web filter like Qustodio should be a good idea in early recovery if he lacks self-discipline in early weeks of recovery. You could be password custodian.
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Thank you for your reply! He isn't collecting real life objects. He has deleted everything in the past, this downloading without viewing is new. I thought it may be a way to pacify the compulsion without 'using' as such. He added that he feels the need to have 'sets', part 1-4 etc, and if he doesn't have part 2 he will have an urge to acquire it. We have Qustodio on his laptop and he has a mobile with no internet...both his choice. Yet his work computer has become an issue and this is unavoidable, we cannot install anything on it so he must deal with full access and temptation. He did for 59 days, then slipped. He's aware this is an issue and considers collecting a problem but he is struggling to find faith in recovery and himself. Low self esteem, depression and lack of hope for the future. Thanks again.

Salt & Light · Sep 4, 2019

Robinthehood said: ↑

I used to download porn, even though I didn't really need to..I had quite slow internet and a low limit, about 5gig a month I think..but that was enough.
My theory goes- I used to think of porn as
a nutrient that I could only get from the internet and I'd abuse and take as much as I could get. Downloading and hoarding porn is another aspect of serious porn addiction.

If he has any porn on his machine then there's no way he can make an attempt at quitting, with any chance of success.

Just a thought.. is his porn use and hoarding of it intertwined with his sexual relationship with you? Does he get off on knowing you know etc? Personal question I know, but if it is, could be another avenue to look in to.

All the best
Click to expand...

Thank you for your reply, firstly he is aware collecting P even without viewing is a problem and he is currently faithless, depressed and has little hope for the future. This collecting without viewing is new, he used to PM, then when I moved in 2 years ago it became binge viewing at home and work. The negative behavior has spread. Secondly, I don't believe his P use is intertwined with our sexual relationship. He doesn't fantasize, to do so 'freaks him out' and has been quite clear he doesn't think about P when we're together or achieve any sexual gratification by blending the two. He hates being reminded of his issues when we're together in that way, which is good. Obviously he has been through issues with ED, which has improved since he's not been M...yet P use still has it's influences.
I wasn't sure if 'gathering' massive amounts of P was something which comes with the addiction or if he had another issue, as he's said he feels the need to have sets, e.g part 1-4. If part 2 is missing he'll feel the need to acquire it. Is this addiction related thinking or hoarding which of course is another type of addiction? Any thoughts? Thanks again!

Robinthehood · Sep 4, 2019

Well I guess it could be that he's collecting porn simply as it's another interest of his, not necessarily because it's porn, if you get me.

What you said about him not fantasising or thinking of porn when you're together, it freaking him out, is interesting. So he has no actual interest in doing the things he watches in porn? Do you know what his porn interests are?

Salt & Light · Sep 4, 2019

Robinthehood said: ↑

Well I guess it could be that he's collecting porn simply as it's another interest of his, not necessarily because it's porn, if you get me.

What you said about him not fantasising or thinking of porn when you're together, it freaking him out, is interesting. So he has no actual interest in doing the things he watches in porn? Do you know what his porn interests are?
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I'm not quite sure what you mean, sorry. I don't mind an open question

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Hoarding and addiction combo, any advice please?

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