HOCD and hoping it is HOCD

That's just because the anxiety is reducing and so the 'shock' has gone. When the anxiety reduces it's a sign you're improving. It's a long road mate and I'm also suffering still pretty bad after 3 months but you have to keep at it.

 

Yeah mate day 11 today NOFAP and although a lot of HOCD crap still on/off - attraction to women been high today...most it's been in months which was a relief. Yeah with the Male side now I'm at the point where I expect it's going to happen and kind of tell myself 'oh p*ss off I've had enough of this now' lol

Bit I struggle with is that each morning the first like 60 seconds upon waking feel 'normal' then it creeps back in and I feel almost upset as to like 'why have I still got this I'm tired of it now leave me alone' kind of thing...i live abroad with my work at the moment and the gyms are opening again Monday so I'm hoping some HEAVY sessions will help out along with the continued NOFAP, my routine, cold showers, healthy-ish foods etc.
Keep me posted mate - it's helpful to know I'm not the only one with this trash. Cheers.

 

Just gonna put this here since it's related:

I ended up watching loads of RuPaul's Drag Race for a while, and it got to the point where I started questioning whether I might be transsexual. The thoughts kept coming back and it really had me in a bad place mentally. I wasn't fighting the thoughts, I just let them come and go for a while. But, eventually, I had to put my foot down and tell the thoughts to "Fuck off and leave me alone - you can't have everything your own way!" After that, they did go away. You just have to decide they're not for you and close the door.

Also, I've dealt with gay stuff in the past, and I'll say that that life isn't what the media makes it out to be. If you want my two cents, stick with what you've got, because it's very hard to come back once you cross that kind of line.

 

I have this shit too right now it fucking sucks. I deal with TOCD as well and it’s so convincing sometimes it scares the shit out of me. The only assurance I ever get is that I never had a problem with being myself and being heterosexual. It’s gotta be the porn. All these intrusive thoughts are fucking up my motivation and ambitions. I just want it to go away.

 

Thank your lucky stars you have the baseline heterosexual identity to work with, my friend. I was brought up to think I was gay, so I'm having to build a heterosexual identity from scratch, which has meant leaving absolutely everything behind and trying to feel my way forward.

The TOCD will leave you alone, but you have to leave it alone first. Have you signed up to a challenge yet?

 

Watch this and see how you feel on the matter

 

Well. So maybe I'm in denial. Life is such a mindfuck.

 

Yeah I’ve tried to do both of fighting the thoughts & trying to let the thoughts go through & not get to concerned by the thoughts, but I still struggle with it though as the thoughts keep coming and going, though of course that being part of me still going through my porn addiction & the escalation of it.

 

Nope, total libido shutdown rings truer, but it's been lifelong. I believe my true libido is yet to emerge.

 

What goals have you set for yourself man?

 

When he says, "The problem is that you give a fuck, that you care to much", he's bang-on. When you become neutral about the outcome, the OCD will disappear, even if other problems don't resolve themselves. I experienced this back when I was a teenager.

 

@Chris_Cactusblossom Okay you could be or not, what where you attracted to when you where younger? I apologies if the video has triggered you. I think this video might be useful to you

 

To stop watching porn, jerking off too much, to be more productive & be in a better place mentally. Though I keep struggling with the porn as keep on constantly relapsing because I don’t properly plan counter act the urges, which is a fault of my own.

 

Wait I am getting confused what is going on.

 

Sorry - I posted as I was waching the video. TMI!

I think my big problem is that I have a naturally super-low libido, so I didn't really feel anything for girls when I was young. Sex has always been a mystery to me really, and my family started to think I was gay, and I saw it on tv and whatever and thought that must be me. But then I got into the gay lifestyle, and it just led me to a super dark place, along with drinking and smoking too much, etc. So now I feel that I need to forget sex one way or the other and just focus on what makes my soul feel clean. Then, if I end up feeling attracted to someone, which has happened a couple of times unexpectedly during this no PMO thing, then that's great and those are my true feelings.

Your goals are solid. Why not sign up to a challenge? Have you checked any of them out? It's a fun way to keep yourself accountable, and everybody's really supportive.

Or, what about getting yourself an accountability partner if you're struggling to stick to the 90-day goal?

 

It’s okay.

Damn, sounds like you’ve gone through a lot, I can only imagine how that must be. Best of luck on your journey to see what makes you feel good in life.

I guess because I don’t know how to and struggling to take the next step to battle my addiction to take to make myself more accountable for my actions.

 

Thanks, man.

Check these out:

This is a list of challenges - have a look and see if there's a theme that appeals to you:
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?forums/events-challenges.132/

And you can join accountability groups or create a post looking for a partner here:
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?forums/accountability-partners.7/

Good luck on your streak!

 

@Chris_Cactusblossom

Yeah I have started the Sayian challenge to take more action and accountability on my NOFAP journey. There’s a lot of challenges, think I’ll focus on one for the moment.

Yeah I’ll take a look into it, though not sure as not sure if I’m stubborn to try and do it myself to work on being independent or just too lazy to take that extra.