This is going to be a long one. Ok. I don’t really know where to start. I’ve been worrying about being gay for years now. And it’s only recently read about hocd. And it’s taken me about a week to get the courage to post here. Bit nervous of how this will be received. So I started watching porn when I was 13. And it was online porn too. It was straight and vanilla. And it escalated to more extreme stuff, but still straight. This is where it gets complicated. I’m not a mans man. I am a little camp, but when I was younger at high school I was very camp. And I came from a rough working class area that didn’t look to fondly on that. So I was often called gay and even my friends thought I was gay for a long time until a couple of years ago really. I was often teased for it. It even extends to my family. Who would often say stuff like “bring it down a bit” or “lower your pitch”. It sounds horrible but they knew my problems at school so they were only trying to help by letting me know that I was going far. Anyway. When I was about 15, I decided to watch some gay porn. I remember the first time it disgusted me. I turned it off after like a minute and went back to straight. Stayed off it for a while. Then slowly it became my go to. And again, reached extremes. Since then I haven’t really ever been back to straight porn, just in random periods. Now it has gotten to the point of me only being aroused by men. Women, yes but one in the extremes of straight porn. And I usually flick back over to gay anyway. This does scare me as I don’t know what I am. I have always said I was straight. And my housemates have said a few times that they’d be surprised if I came out as gay all of a sudden. Ages ago I have fancied girls, organised a few dates even (no luck getting a second one though. Been stood up in 2 of them) but now I don’t know. I would say I’m more romantically interested in women. But I’m more easily aroused by men. Even now, I’m looking for a female relationship, but I’d go home and fap to gay porn. It frightens me. So yeah. I’ve been dealing with this constant question for the past 4 or 5 years. And I still don’t have an answer, I’ve come up with many thoughts but nothing helps. And it’s getting to an unbearable level. I’ve even thought about going and having sex with a man to see whether I like it, to the point where I got an infamous app. But I deleted it within 10 minutes. And as for trying to get a girlfriend I’ve had no luck ever. So it makes me think I am gay. This was all brought on today, even though I’ve been thinking of posting for a while now, as I was studying and I had something like a porn flashback to some gay porn I watched a lot. This rocked my confidence and I really wanted to go and fap to it to make sure of...something, I don’t know. Obviously. (And I’m sure this goes without saying) but I have no problem with gay people or bisexuals or etc. This is just worrying me.