iwontfail67
Fapstronaut
This is like the first chapter of a success story. I would say I am about 95% of the way to where I need to be. However I am still not perfect.
I suffered from extreme porn escalation for all my teenage life. Since the day I had PIED with a girl, I developed terrible HOCD which fucking sucked, but it made my mind stronger, and now it's essentially over, (if I manage to vigilantly stick to the simple plan on how to destroy it).
Porn addiction is gone and I understand that all the extreme stuff in porn were only arousing me because of how desensitised I was. I needed a shock. And the shock of the extreme endgame porn addiction stuff like gangbangs ect was a huge factor in my HOCD and extreme porn addiction. I mean, I was at the point where I was imagining myself in being in the centre of these extreme scenarios, and I would even go as far as act them out on myself with objects. But it always made me feel disgusting and I eventually realised how much the porn addiction played a part in all that stuff. My brain wanted a shock, and the scenario of me doing the most extreme shit in porn was the biggest shock of all.
Thankfully, never done it in real life, so I can sleep soundly knowing I never allowed myself to be degraded because a porn addiction, and HOCD after it, was telling me so. And I understand how HOCD works in the sense that It will flash scenario after scenario without warning as a way to get you to dwell on it, regardless if I can clearly see how stupid and disgusting the scenario is.
My penis sensitivity has sky rocketed. Originally, masturbating with didn't feel good and I just ended up using it as an excuse to death grip safer. But now I am extremely sensitive to lube and I masturbate as gentle as possible, and it feels incredible. I try to masturbate once a week, but sometimes it's a bit more, but honestly that's okay for me. As long as HOCD is gone and I'm 1000% confident that I can achieve an erection when with a girl, I don't care how much I masturbate. And doing it gently with lube is a million times better than death gripping dry to porn.
However, the final thing that I am still trying to achieve is being able to fantasise properly. Sometimes, due to my pornographic past, I tend to still flash the porn acts into my mind without building them up with mental foreplay. If that makes sense. Imagining a girl sucking me off isn't considered pornography if its done in the right way. But if you jump straight to that part without any build up, its just like clicking that new video or new picture to get that jolt. Sometimes whenever I jump straight to the porn act, my brain focuses on the porn act. So if I think about a girl sucking a d**k, my brain will think about the porn act of sucking a d**k, not the girl sucking MY d**k. I mean when we watch porn, I can imagine that the ACT of the girl sucking a d**k was the real shock factor there. When I was in my porn addiction, I didn't imagine that the girl was sucking MY d**K, I would just wank to the idea of her doing the act. And its not like i'm going to think about the amazing pleasure the random guy on the other end was feeling.
I believe that HOCD is responsible for this but I also believe it is due to me essentially shocking myself with thinking about a girl doing a pornographic act, instead of building it up in a realistic way. When I build the thoughts up and allow my arousal to get attached to what I am fantasising about, my thoughts and feelings are flawless. So it's clear that I just need to wire my thoughts a bit more. Seeing girls in real life makes me feel incredible and it's all natural and realistic feelings. I just need to stop myself from jumping straight to the "extreme part of fantasising" while skipping all the necessary foreplay part that builds up the arousal.
It's been a crazy 2 year journey with alot of ups and downs but I think I'm finally in the endgame of endgames. I'm talking a matter of weeks and I can officially say I am healed. And thats when the real fun starts. Long post but hopefully some people get some inspiration from all of this if you too are suffering from any of the above issues. Cheers all!
TLDR; Essentially beat HOCD, extreme porn, death grip, and now I'm working on wiring myself to 100% realistic fantasy without jumping straight to the "porn act" part.
I suffered from extreme porn escalation for all my teenage life. Since the day I had PIED with a girl, I developed terrible HOCD which fucking sucked, but it made my mind stronger, and now it's essentially over, (if I manage to vigilantly stick to the simple plan on how to destroy it).
Porn addiction is gone and I understand that all the extreme stuff in porn were only arousing me because of how desensitised I was. I needed a shock. And the shock of the extreme endgame porn addiction stuff like gangbangs ect was a huge factor in my HOCD and extreme porn addiction. I mean, I was at the point where I was imagining myself in being in the centre of these extreme scenarios, and I would even go as far as act them out on myself with objects. But it always made me feel disgusting and I eventually realised how much the porn addiction played a part in all that stuff. My brain wanted a shock, and the scenario of me doing the most extreme shit in porn was the biggest shock of all.
Thankfully, never done it in real life, so I can sleep soundly knowing I never allowed myself to be degraded because a porn addiction, and HOCD after it, was telling me so. And I understand how HOCD works in the sense that It will flash scenario after scenario without warning as a way to get you to dwell on it, regardless if I can clearly see how stupid and disgusting the scenario is.
My penis sensitivity has sky rocketed. Originally, masturbating with didn't feel good and I just ended up using it as an excuse to death grip safer. But now I am extremely sensitive to lube and I masturbate as gentle as possible, and it feels incredible. I try to masturbate once a week, but sometimes it's a bit more, but honestly that's okay for me. As long as HOCD is gone and I'm 1000% confident that I can achieve an erection when with a girl, I don't care how much I masturbate. And doing it gently with lube is a million times better than death gripping dry to porn.
However, the final thing that I am still trying to achieve is being able to fantasise properly. Sometimes, due to my pornographic past, I tend to still flash the porn acts into my mind without building them up with mental foreplay. If that makes sense. Imagining a girl sucking me off isn't considered pornography if its done in the right way. But if you jump straight to that part without any build up, its just like clicking that new video or new picture to get that jolt. Sometimes whenever I jump straight to the porn act, my brain focuses on the porn act. So if I think about a girl sucking a d**k, my brain will think about the porn act of sucking a d**k, not the girl sucking MY d**k. I mean when we watch porn, I can imagine that the ACT of the girl sucking a d**k was the real shock factor there. When I was in my porn addiction, I didn't imagine that the girl was sucking MY d**K, I would just wank to the idea of her doing the act. And its not like i'm going to think about the amazing pleasure the random guy on the other end was feeling.
I believe that HOCD is responsible for this but I also believe it is due to me essentially shocking myself with thinking about a girl doing a pornographic act, instead of building it up in a realistic way. When I build the thoughts up and allow my arousal to get attached to what I am fantasising about, my thoughts and feelings are flawless. So it's clear that I just need to wire my thoughts a bit more. Seeing girls in real life makes me feel incredible and it's all natural and realistic feelings. I just need to stop myself from jumping straight to the "extreme part of fantasising" while skipping all the necessary foreplay part that builds up the arousal.
It's been a crazy 2 year journey with alot of ups and downs but I think I'm finally in the endgame of endgames. I'm talking a matter of weeks and I can officially say I am healed. And thats when the real fun starts. Long post but hopefully some people get some inspiration from all of this if you too are suffering from any of the above issues. Cheers all!
TLDR; Essentially beat HOCD, extreme porn, death grip, and now I'm working on wiring myself to 100% realistic fantasy without jumping straight to the "porn act" part.
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