HOCD, having a real bad time help please

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by MrNut, May 30, 2018.

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  1. MrNut

    MrNut Fapstronaut

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    Alright so I’ve been kind of coming on and of on this website for the past months. I suffer from HOCD (I hope) and have been doing so for around 6 months,

    I’ve always been into to girls for as long as I can remember I’ve always had crushes on girls and I’ve been in some relationships. I’m not really sure when I started watching porn but I think I was around 12-13 and I’m now 17. It all started off with soft core porn wich over time escalated into worse and worse porn like cheating porn, incest porn etc. I started to have problems getting off to straight porn so I tried watching some gay porn wich to my surprise made me hard, I freaked out and almost had a panic attack, so for these past months I’ve been having some serious problems with hocd which has led to a constant checking for reassurance that I am not gay and over analysing situations.

    ive sort of quit watching porn now but I do relapse every now and then but it doesn’t give me as much anixity anymore.

    These past days have been pretty bad though, I’ve been kind of down and I have masturbated to porn quite a lot and overall just had mental issues, I started off the day by watching some straight porn and I ejaculated, and I ended the night by watching some porn (triggerd by a picture on Instagram) during this masturbation seasion I suddenly started to imagine having sex with a gay guy that I know, I ejaculated and got a huge anxiety attack.

    I know this post is very poorly written, but please I need some advice on what to do and how I’m going to deal with my situation I can’t take this anxiety anymore. (I have noting against homosexual people but it just doesn’t feel like me it goes against my whole identity)
     
  2. MrNut

    MrNut Fapstronaut

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    I should also at that these so called “groinal responses” are really killing me, the thing is that I get them all the time not only from the hocd but every time i feel uncomfortable
     
  3. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

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  4. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

  5. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    Here's the quickest summary of what I got from reading the YBOP discussed in the links above:


    As I understand it, what this article says is that when you stop porn, which you have to do, the intrusive thoughts will get worse before they get better. You must not give them importance. You must not test yourself or otherwise seek relief. You must simply acknowledge that the thoughts are there, but do something else. Eventually the thoughts lose their power.This is my understanding from reading that article.
     
  6. MrNut

    MrNut Fapstronaut

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    That makes a LOT of sense, Thanks!
     
  7. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Porn, porn, porn. Your hormones are out of balance. Abstain until you can think clearly, and do not take any of these thoughts too seriously before. Didn't read the article mentioned, but when you need something to read you can also click the link in my signature.
     
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  8. MrNut

    MrNut Fapstronaut

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    T
    Thanks a lot pal I’ll keep that in mind.
     
  9. ANewLeaf

    ANewLeaf Fapstronaut

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    You're a great guy buddy. Always seeking to help. Thanks a lot.
     
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  10. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    I had your problems, listen to this guys, this is just what you did to yourself by years of watching porn. You are good, don't vorry, as soon you realize no force on this earth can make you gay you will feel fine.
     
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  11. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    Thank you. Now I just need to help myself, too.
     
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  12. MrNut

    MrNut Fapstronaut

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    What kinds of problems are you experiencing?
     
  13. ANewLeaf

    ANewLeaf Fapstronaut

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    Lol. hahahaha. Yeah.
     
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  14. ANewLeaf

    ANewLeaf Fapstronaut

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    It's kinda like a very very very long story. Lol.
     
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  15. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    This is a lot more simple than you might think. The brain is very malleable and can be easily conditioned to expect certain results. In this case, years of masturbating to straight porn has desensitized you to it, and that is the only reason that other kinds of porn suddenly become desirable, it has nothing to do with sexuality. The worry and anxiety is nothing more than the rational side of the brain (the side that knows what I've said already) fighting against the compulsion.

    The clearest and best solution is to stop watching porn outright, as it is this thats having the effect on you. Given enough time, your brain will unlearn the compulsion to watch porn and you will start to go back to how you were before. Its not easy of course, unlearning ingrained behaviors is hard, but that is the best answer to your problem.
     
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  16. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    After some long streaks, I've hit a period where I just couldn't get 3 days together. I was peeking every day. I've stopped that now.
     
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  17. pathogen541

    pathogen541 Fapstronaut

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    Seems like the answer I would've given has already been taken, because to me it sounds like you are subconsciously chasing the dragon, so to speak. Straight porn just isn't as satisfying anymore, so you move onto something that gets the job done. Eventually, the gay porn will probably change into something else.

    There isn't anything wrong with you, and I would encourage you to ask yourself why you think there is something wrong with you. Even if you were gay, what is it about being gay that is upsetting to you? Is it the stigma? personal conviction? Maybe questions you could answer for yourself, obviously they are very personal.

    Question, you stated that you have other mental issues, do you have a diagnoses? I have bipolar type 2, and I know that influenced a lot of the porn I watched too. When I was hypomanic, I tended to watch things I wouldn't otherwise watch, and then dealing with that fact when I was coming back to base line really sucked. Maybe you have something else underlying that could be exaggerating your HOCD. Just my two cents. Best of luck bud. Stopping is easier said than done, but it is possible.
     
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  18. MrNut

    MrNut Fapstronaut

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    The theought of maybe being gay distresses me a lot because that is not who I am, I’ve always loved girls and gotten my heart crushed by breakups as early as third grade.

    I suspect that I might have some type of ocd because I’ve always had all kinds of intrusive thoughts that have been bothering me, for an example when I was watching a lot of incest porn I thought that I was secretly in love with a family member and that too cause a lot of anxiety and I wanted to stop watching but I didn’t know that porn was bad for you, I always thought it was something good.
     
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