Okay, I need to write this here. This is the story of how it popped up. I was a happy straight guy, I only liked girls. Before watching porn, I remember searching nude photos of girls on the internet and my heart started to race very fast. I started watching porn at the age of 12 and it was only straight porn. Then I went to lesbian porn, then to transwoman, years after, and occasionally I watched gay porn. Even zoofilia sometimes. Let's say, once every two or three months. But it didn't bother me, really. I knew it was out of curiosity, and I identified as straight. I didn't feel shame of watching gay porn, because I knew I wouldn't do this in real life. Okay, now to the second story. I had a friend in highschool, when I was 13-14. Honestly, his appeareance was that of a girl. He had a child voice, long hair, and didn't have hair on his legs. That made me feel weird. I was discovering masturbation at the time, so I masturbated thinking of him one or two times. I had a lot of guy friends in high school and I didn't think like this with anybody. Only with my friend, who had the appeareance of a girl. Later on, he changed. We were 17-18 years old, and I didn't feel that weird shit. He was a normal guy with a deep voice. I have never been turned on by him. But because I behaved weird 4-5 years ago, he thought of me as gay. He didn't say it to me, but said to the other classmates. This bothered me, because I didn't identify as gay. But I understood because he noticed this curiosity I felt when I was 13-14. I heard someone calling me gay thinking that I was not there, and I felt very bad, but I didn't really give importance to it, as I KNEW I wasn't gay. I liked women. Years pass now. Being 16-17 years old, I was living a happy life, only liking girls. I discovered NoFap and it gave me motivation to start improving myself. I loved getting girls' attention and I still do. I'm 22 years old now, and I haven't fallen in love with a guy NEVER. I fell in love a couple of times, both with girls, and man, it was a very strong feeling. Okay, here is how it all started. I started to date a girl. She once told me that she questioned her sexuality, and she thought of kissing a girl, hell, maybe giving the circumstances, she would kiss a girl only for fun. I PANICKED. The next day, I started to cry in despair. I'm not even joking. I didn't know why I was so upset. The world didn't end. Maybe it was my insecurity...? ...or maybe, I didn't like that she could be bisexual. But why?, I asked. Maybe I unconsciously didn't like the idea of being bisexual myself. And this is where it all started. I looked back at the stories of my friend of 13-14 years, and watching occasionally gay porn, and I felt my stomach crunching. It was horrendous. The thought hasn't ever gone since that moment. Ever since, I can't talk with a guy without feeling anxious. I even watched more gay porn, and I panicked because I got an erection. I spent endless hours of searching in forums about HOCD, and questioning myself. I even go to therapy now. Sometimes I even think I'd like to give oral sex to a man, but somehow this thought collides with my identity and I feel this crunch in the stomach again. The thought doesn't feel natural, and doesn't come from a place of calmness, peace and joy. I wouldn't kiss a man in a romantic way, because I don't feel like that. I'm not homophobic, I just want to escape this hell. I know it's an OCD thing to do, but I even asked gay friends if they noticed something in me that could make them believe I like boys. They said "no, don't worry too much", in a humorous way, but man. You don't know how FUCKING GREAT I felt. Now that I shared my story, I wanted to know if anyone has anything similar. Maybe It will help someone. Thanks for reading!