HOCD or Denial? Confused and need guidance

So if you're doing NoFap, you don't need to be fully hard.

If you weren't bi or gay before you started watching porn, the odds are high that you won't be bi or gay after you've stopped for a while.

So this was induced by porn and you get rid of it by getting rid of porn.

See here:

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/are-fetishes-innate

This page contains multiple self-reports by people (some of whom are more politically correct than others), who concluded that their porn tastes influenced their sexual tastes after they quit porn and noticed their tastes reverting.​

Give your poor brain a rest.

 

Yup. Welcome to the crowd. NoFap is a simple program. It is not easy. The good news, you don't have to do it alone. Read "The Man in the Hole" Story in my signature link.

120% true. If you were straight before you found pmo, then you are straight. I say that as a gay man who was gay before pmo and is gay today. Chasing more and different fetishes happened to me as well, but it did not change my God given sexuality.

--> L

 

I have seen lots of gay and transsexual porn, i have fantasized about cuckold, and I have hooked up with guys in real life.

I don’t consider myself gay because not once have I been attracted to a man in teal life. It’s always only been a sexual outlet and a new or different fetish that I could explore. Guys are gross to me u less they can fulfill a sexual fantasy of mine.

Now I don’t know if this helps explain things for you, but this is just my truth.

I will say that it seems the longer I stay sober the more clear things become. I only have 35 days sober and it’s already becoming very slightly clearer what my truths are.

Hang in there! Do the daily work needed to stay sober and reach out if you need any help!

 

I think all homosexuality is a defense mechanism based on early child hood trauma of being molested by an older man. then the abused man grows up to forget it, but to keep seeking men to re create their original traumatic incident with. Then they rationalize that they must enjoy it. This is also something to deny the fact that they were severely violated as children.

This is what happened to me and I know because I used to go toward these fetishes. And then I recovered the memory of the incident in a therapeutic setting. It still has some power over me if I relapse.

It is also an addiction to the biochemistry of shame. My internall compass was oriented toward shame and fear and chaos from a dysfunctional child hood. So I sought out these experiences instead of something that would make me feel happy and connected.

How do you feel about it if you were really attracted to this kind of thing? I know I did these fetishes but I was very numbed out.

So for me, I know I'm not just "in denial". I'm straight, but I was wounded and brain warshed.

 

Porn definitely blurs the lines. After some time away from it you will start to get some clarity.

Try your hardest to stay sober. From what people here have told me, and some science videos I’ve watched, the brain starts to get intense cravings after 7 days and they start to go away after 30 days. So there’s hope, it just takes a commitment and some time.

If you feel you can’t fight the cravings there’s some additional daily maintenance stuff to help with that.

 

I believe that porn messed me up too. I was looking up JOI and then thats when the cuckolding thing appeared. I mean JOI is pretty mild compared to that. I didn't watch alot of cuckold stuff but saw the thumb nails and the sissification stuff was accidentally in a JOI I clicked on.

I fantasized alot about men too and found it kind of troubling. I think that means its HOCD. If it troubles you, its an intrusive thought. Not really from your true self. If I had those fantasies and was totally cool with it that would mean It was the real me. But I always kind of felt unwilling in the fantasy.

 

Well also about sucking on something, baby boys and baby girls both do this when we're born. Its an oral fixation from a pacifier or from getting milk. Some children don't get to fully grow out of thumb sucking for example before it is sort of "abused" out of them by mean parents. For women they can go on sucking on things but men aren't really allowed. Like for a man to suck on something makes him gay and all. So basically the urge to suck on something might be also more deeply rooted in like an oral fixation from childhood.

 

One of the dangerous results of PMO recovery is a lot of self loathing, guilt and shame. This can lead to depression. At least this is my experience.

What I have found is it’s best to work towards self honesty and really looking for the truth of who I was, who I am, and who i want to be. Then Doing the work to back that up and reveal more about myself.

Contrary to what some opinions people have expressed in this thread, there’s nothing wrong with being gay, if that’s your truth, so don’t let anyone feed you self loathing with weird theories about it.

Of course, me being someone who looked at a lot of gay genre porn, and did real life hookups with men, I had the same confusion at first. I was then very honest with myself and realized I was never emotionally attracted to a guy, i wanted the sexual release and the weird fantasy of a specific type of person. And the real world hookups were just a progression of my disease.

If you find yourself emotionally attracted to men, in a health way, without sexual obsession in your life, then you might be gay/bi, but there’s no right or wrong answer to this one IMO. The truth might be clouded by sex addiction for now, so to really know, you might need some longterm sobriety.

I would suggest daily journaling about it until you have an answer. Also meditation will help you understand. Also, a therapist might help you through some of this. And of course, long term sobriety from PMO, and a conscious effort to be honest with yourself and explore all possibilities is necessary. More will be revealed, with time, when sober.

To be clear, I’m not saying to accept the gay thoughts and desires. I’m saying to accept the truth whatever that may be. For years before sobriety from PMO, I tried to accept myself as “sexually liberated” and All of my fetishes are just who I am and I need to accept that and “grow up” and stop holding onto the person I used to be and just accept I’m a sick very sexual person.

It turns out this was just me trying to come to terms with my sex addiction and wasn’t therapeutic at all, it was very harmful because I was going against my morals, and who I really am deep inside. So if you’re gay/bi great! As long as it’s not a lie to help feed your addiction. If you find out you’re not gay, that’s great too! As long as it’s not you Hiding from your truth because you’re afraid of the social repricussions of being gay.

As I mentioned only you can decide your truth and then it’s up to you to be ok with it.

Good luck and stay sober! Just being sober for a few months will start to clear some of this up.

 

@xXPharaohXx whose theories are you calling weird

 

You're entitled to your own beliefs on homosexuality, but your take isn't an accurate view.

The best way to determine if someone is gay vs having HOCD is to quit porn entirely, go through the reboot and then examine one's feelings. It's also important to examine whether those thoughts preceded porn or not.

 

Well I apologize if you don't LIKE my view. But its actually accurate. Just look at this.

For example read this.
https://stream.org/yes-childhood-sexual-abuse-often-contribute-homosexuality/

I think your view is also accurate EXCEPT that what if the homosexual thoughts preceded the persons PMO use. BUT it was due to childhood sexual abuse? That doesn't mean the persons true orientation is gay or bisexual. It means they were abused and need to recover from the abuse.

I could see why the idea is un popular... Child hood abuse is a painful truth to face and will bring up cognitive dissonance in people who had it. People would rather believe they're homosexual, than face this event from their past.

 

It is possible that childhood abuse may be a contributing factor in some isolated incidents, but the vast majority of homosexuals have not experienced any childhood trauma or abuse to bring it on. HOCD is predominately brought on by pornography though.

 

This.

It’s a very slippery slope to advertise that “all” homosexuality is a defense mechanism. many gay people are actually attracted to the same sex. I do believe that early sexual experiences can lead to blurred lines, but this subject isnt black and white.

It’s best for the individual to stop PMO, journal, meditate, pray and see a therapist to really learn who they are.

I would hate see someone struggling with gay thoughts not get the support they need and become depressed because they thinks it’s not natural.

Guilt and shame around homosexuality is very tough for some, so best for us to be as open minded and supportive as possible; otherwise we run the risk of alienating someone.

 

It is a huge leap to say the specific circumstances you experienced are true of every gay man. You have no basis for this.