Hocd or denial

Hello, this is the second thread I post related to my issue, I got a lot of answers which helped me relax on the first one but with time the reasurrance those answers gave me now faded away, and I feel more lost.
This thread will contain some triggers, I am just looking for people who have the similar issues and I want to know im not alone.
I am 16 and I started pmoing when I was 11 or around that age. I had a lot of time to myself, sitting playing games all day for all of my childhood so I was a daily user for 5 or more years, rarely I had more than 3 days without porn. I started w vanilla porn, and was always attracted to girls irl, at around 14 15 I discovered 4chan and some weird and tabboo porn. I saw trap porn and was disgusted by it in the beggining, I looked at hentai - escalating to loli then to shotacon, all tabboo and not native genres of porn to my original tastes, but I grew to like the rush they gave to me, and I included them in my porn watching rotation, I used straight porn 70% of the time, and used shotacon and non straight content the rest, I never was attracted to the manly looking gay porn and was disgusted by it, but I developed a fetish for feminine looking boys, first cartoons then images. And I didn't think anything outside of it since I considered it as a weird secret or fetish I had, I was always (atleast I think) a straight guy on the outside, I got crushes on girls, I had pretty guys as friends and I never had any thoughts of them in the way I had about girls, so everything came down really hard on me the past couple of months culminating to one moment when I started questioning myself thinking if I masturbated for so long to this type of porn, and I got aroused by it, that means im gay? And i started freaking out and became really stressed out not being able to think bringing a fog on my brain which I was familiar with since I had developed anxiety a couple months prior. So I started checking myself opening straiht porn trying hard to masturbate to it, then I opened gay stuff and I felt hard by it and I freaked out even more, I started panicking and crying It was the worst thing ever. This happened about a month ago when I first posted here, I immediately started looking up my symptoms trying to find relief, I discovered I might have hocd. So i looked at ton of videos and forums and decided to come here, i decided to quit porn hoping it would resolve my issue. Some people told me I always had this side of me and that I am getting gay thoughts cause I am gay and this mortified me to the point where I started crying of fear and thinking I messed up my life, but some people gave me great relief saying it was classical porn escalation and hocd, and it was going to go away with time not using porn, and I gave it a try. I am on 20 days on nofap, and I feel bad, i have ups and downs where sometimes I feel great without having any thoughts about it and I just feel like my normal self again but then I ask myself okay well If i am not afraid or terrified and anxious then i must have accepted that im gay or bisexual, so I start being fearful and feeling very bad again.
The thing is, until I started questioning my sexuality, I never was confused or felt bad or had any gay thoughts outside when I was Pmoing, but when i made the realization, it was like everything came down on me. And i am in a period where i am very lonely, i dropped out of school, my last girlfriend i broke up with about a year ago, and i became a anxious and depressed person during the last year, with not many friends and no self esteem and now this sexuality questioning and thoughts I never had before coming in to me makes me feel so lost and just want to die sometimes. But I have hope if I restore my self esteem, do nofap for a significant period of time that I will return to what i was before anxiety, atleast this is my hope but it seems to fade every day, atleast for now.
If anybody has a similar situation or had in the past, or is familiar and confident about this, please share your thoughts and experiences so that people like me who cant have their mind rest and be normal find some hope.
Thanks.