HOCD or Denial?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Redhood210, Jan 19, 2019.

  1. Redhood210

    Redhood210 Fapstronaut

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    I need help with this problem and let me start from the beginning. As i grew up i always and only loved girls in my life, i have never had a doubt in my head that i was gay or even like guys. I always taught of guys that they are the home boys to hangout with and have fun with and they also got your back, i never once taught them as a partner to get marry too or i wanted to suck his dick. So one day i am waking up to go to school and i hop in the shower to get ready. Once i came out my mom is yelling at me asking me if i am Gay because i am in a Group chat(Which i never talked in or look at Which had a lot of gay shit in, Only reason why i was in it was because they had answers for the test i needed to pass) I was honestly annoyed but got over it that day at school. i saw a girl that i thought was really pretty and i wanted her to be my gf. When i like a girl my heart starts to pound like crazy and start to get shy then i am used too acting like. Then after school end my mom again is yelling at me about the gay shit since she is a religious person and doesn't like gays. For me i honestly don't care if your gay or not just respect that i like girls and don't try to come at me in that way. But idk why but i just had the thought "am i gay" and i looked up gay porn to see and my dick had a tingly feeling and i was fucking scared as shit and wanted to cry but kept it in. But i got over it and started to look it up about this problem. So let me also add that i watch a lot of porn Like a lot of porn i think i saw porn at the age of 10 and at the age of 12 started to get off to it. It first started off as Straight then milf,Granny.Milf,Granny,Step-sis.Step mom,Forced,rough. I also got off to Futa which means girls with dicks And i would only watch if they were having sex with a girl because i didn't want to see a girl fucking a guy(This is hentai btw.) I tried Shemale porn were they fucked girls and that's it i never watched Them fuck another shemale or male because thinking about that Made me wanted to vomit. So this entire Christmas break i have been worried about being gay and it honestly made me feel like shit. I talk to my friends about it and they said i am not gay but over thinking it, which i agreed but still can't stop thinking about it. also that i remember in the summer time this girl and i would talk for hours and i would get erect so quickly and now when i try to think about her my dick won't get erect and even when i try to think about guys in that way my dick won't get erect either(which i am happy about). Another thing to add on is that i have had a girl give me a hand job and let me hump her (Which i was annoyed at because i wanted to have sex but she said no and that was the close i was getting to it) And i liked it in a sense and really wanted to do it again. Another time is while this problem was going on and i had a wet dream about a girl i was about to fuck and i was extremely hard in and outside of dream when i woke up, Pretty happy about that at the time. before all of this happen i could go to school and get hard everyday or when i look at the two teachers i wanted to have sex with because they were both hot or even girls that had a big ass and got hard to. Now i can't or i have to try really hard and it is honestly pissing me off. (Btw i am 15 and a junior in hs) And what made me write this cause i tried to watch gay porn before without touching my self and i kinda of had a semi boner wasn't fucking huge just limp and then when i did the same about straight/lesbian my dick would be throbbing hard instead of getting hard like it would do in the past. So am in denial or is this Hocd Fucking with my head. PS when having hocd in school i never looked at guys in that way and even now i don't see guys like that at all even when talking to my guy friends at school. And for question in the future. 1. No i do not like the thoughts about being gay i actually really hate them. 2. I don't want to have a romantic relationship with a guy. 3. I want to be how i was before i don't want to hear "you maybe bi" Because that isn't me and i know it. I just want to be straight and have a wife and kids someday in the future.
     
  2. DogDaysOfLife

    DogDaysOfLife Fapstronaut

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    You are showing us some of the traits of OCD here:
    • checking – watching different kinds of porn to test your reaction to it. This is not a good thing to do. It's a compulsion, which feeds into the OCD cycle.
    • fear – it is part of OCD to be afraid. Instead, face fears head-on without giving into compulsions.
    • seeking reassurance – asking your friends (and us) whether or not your fears are justified. This isn't good because it's a way to avoid facing your fears. You're asking other people to evaluate the truth for you, so it's the same thing as checking, but you're involving other people in it.
     
    throwmealine likes this.
  3. Redhood210

    Redhood210 Fapstronaut

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    So how can i fix it cause i am kinda new to all of this HOCD stuff.
     
  4. Redhood210

    Redhood210 Fapstronaut

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    Also this is an affect of Both Hocd and Porn? If so should i stop watching porn and also will this revert me back to how i was before i watching porn/having thoughts?
     
  5. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    It's HOCD, google "nofap HOCD" and see how common this is among PMO users.

    Abstain and it will go away
     
  6. DogDaysOfLife

    DogDaysOfLife Fapstronaut

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    Probably you should quit porn and also understand that this is an irrational fear, so there is no reason to be afraid. You know you like women, and if you like men a little bit, it doesn't matter. That shouldn't be scary since it doesn't really change anything if it is true.

    I was telling you about the stuff that feeds into OCD because OCD is like a monster that lives in your head. It feeds off of things like checking, seeking reassurance, and fear. You should starve the monster by not doing what it wants.
     
  7. Redhood210

    Redhood210 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, but i don't think i like men a little bit i never did tbh. i liked them as friends and never got aroused by men at all before this occurred. So i mostly think that i am still %100 straight and sorry but thinking about liking men a little bit makes me feel Weird and fill with disgust.i should of said that i only watch Shemale once and Futa 4 times and mention the fact that afterwards i felt weird and would convince myself that it was find because technically still straight. Also will getting a gf help with the problem?
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2019

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