Hocd, porn addiction

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Freelancejoe16, Mar 24, 2020.

  1. Freelancejoe16

    Freelancejoe16 Fapstronaut

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    Ive posted here many times but still need some help understanding.

    Im a male in my early 20's and I have a porn addiction. When I was 7 a man exposed himself to me showing his penis. Since that day I have been scared of the penis and had recurring unwanted thoughts of it. Except for porn. I started off watching playboi at the age of 9, lesbian, then straight porn. Never in my 24 years of being on earth have I had the urge to watch gay porn except to test myself.

    I have noticed that I get aroused when looking at the penis now. Specially if they're bigger than mine. I consider myself straight as I only want to seek and date women. I don't stare at guys sexually on the street or have any sexual urges for men, but if I choose to look at naked men or a penis I can get aroused sometimes. Not an erection, but I've gotten a semi to dick pics etc. My arousal to women is way stronger and feels right. I tried to watch gay porn and its weird to me. I got a semi once, I switch to straight porn get hard, switch back to gay porn and get soft.

    I'm not sure if this is due to my porn addiction. This questioning left me paranoid to where I would do these tests and compulsions everyday last year testing my arousal to dicks, sexual scenarios,naked men pics, etc.

    I have this atttaction to penises now. I even got slightly aroused at pics of old ugly hairy men in their 50's. I'm not sure if this is all my testing and porn addiction, or if Im just bisexual. Can a reboot change this?
     
  2. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    Dick insecurity. Seeing a grown man’s penis when you hadn’t been through puberty or seen porn probably affected your idea of what it should look like. In porn they get guys with unusually large schongs and that reinforces that insecurity. Stop testing yourself up against them and you’ll likely get better. Realize it doesn’t matter to a good woman. This happened to me as well. Good luck.
     
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  3. Freelancejoe16

    Freelancejoe16 Fapstronaut

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    Wait so me getting aroused at naked men bodies and big dicks is just insecurity?? Like my desire to have what they have? Because the thing is, I also got aroused at the pic of an erected man in his 50's, hairy, he was ugly as well. I just feel confused
     
  4. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    I’m not pretending I know what you think. It’s just that I saw my dad’s dick when I was 5 or six and it seemed so big to me compared to my pre adolescent Dick and I wanted a big one like his. Not that’s everything but could be a trigger. What did you feel when you saw the old guy junk. Start there and see if there are connected feeling to what you are doing now.
     
  5. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

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    man i think this is all because of your traumatic experience that u got at young age. you should try therapy and be honest about your story, tell them what happened when u were young, also your way into porn, everything u said here, but to a therapist who will have more knowledge than us. i wish u the best and sorry for that experience
     
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  6. Freelancejoe16

    Freelancejoe16 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you friend, do you think this is reversible?
     
  7. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

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    of course. but just as anything, it will take time. i have close people who have severe traumatic experiences and are doing and feelingway better now than years ago.
     
  8. Freelancejoe16

    Freelancejoe16 Fapstronaut

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    Okay awesome! The experience doesn't bother me anymore, but for years those images of penis would still bombard my mind. So I guess then after watching porn all these years, it could of caused something. I will try to figure this out
     
  9. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

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    best of luck mate, if there is anything else u can talk to any of us here again at any tjme
     
    Freelancejoe16 likes this.
  10. Rustcan45

    Rustcan45 Fapstronaut

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    Stop checking to see if your gay because this shit just makes hocd worse. Just stop caring and it will fade. When you have these thoughts questioning your heterosexuality just acknowledge them and move on. Once you stop giving a shit they disappear.
     
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  11. jeffmbaptist

    jeffmbaptist Fapstronaut

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  12. QuiggyG

    QuiggyG Fapstronaut

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    This. Best thing is to leave it all behind and stop viewing it. I fell for the trap and stopped feeling regret and "accepted" that I was gay, because it would stop my OCD...but I was wrong. It made things worse and I started fanatising about men, even though im not physically attracted to men. It's the acts in P that "turned me on" but in reality, it was just fueling my dopamine. Haven't viewed Gay P in like 6 months now and have no tendencies or attraction towards men. TS on the other hand....that is another story.
     

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