Hocd, Porn addiction???

Fryuser

Fryuser

New Fapstronaut
Hey, I’ve had hocd as long as I can remember even as a young as 9 always being uncomfortable with homosexuals I’ve never had anything against them and I still don’t now but I was getting an erection about girls this one night when I was 13 and I thought about a gay person long story short I was hard for him now I don’t know if the response was directly cause of the fact beforehand of me thinking about the girls but. A couple years later (at the age 15) the same guy popped up in my head and I’ve found a liking to transsexuals also I don’t know if this is the case since I’ve been master bating non stop for two years straight at that point and I couldn’t get myself to stop. Just to know I also looked at his photos after this for reassurance and I couldn’t get myself to get erected. But sometimes I would. Is this my actual sexuality or is this the porn addict on me, or Is this my hormonal teenage self. I’ve been struggling with this problem ever since.
 
I had this problem in hs myself. I would “test” myself in that I would think of some gay act just to “confirm” that I didn’t like it. I would get relief from being repulsed by it ( I don’t like those acts - not homophobic, just not my sexuality) but then do it again soon after. It never occurred to me why I would even have to “test” myself to begin with until years later that I realized that I have ocd and this was a form in which it would manifest. Not unlike checking if a door is locked. I believe it connects to underlying anxiety. Then later I realized the role that porn can play in things as well. My advice? Stay away from the porn and let your mind rest. Don’t let this thing get away from you at this early stage in your life. It’s ruined plenty for me in my life (relationships, opportunities, getting into worse habits etc)
 
Fryuser said:
Thank you!! Very much it’s been 7years for me to finally understand this!!
Click to expand...
I think it’s really hard for even psychologists to catch. The conversation in my experience can easily turn to talk about “coming out” when in reality the anxiety is an irrational fear of something you’re not to begin with. If I recall correctly my own dr agreed with me on the Hocd because for me if felt like such a relief that there seemed to be a name for what I was going through. Usually ocd is talked about in terms of germs but I’ve read that even people identifying as homosexual have had this as their own form in that they had an irrational fear that they were
becoming straight. This may sound out there but I’ve read this i believe in dr Fred penzel’s book if I’m not mistaken. There should be medical articles on this out there so it’s real science. https://www.amazon.com/Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorders-Complete-Getting-Staying/dp/0195140923
 
Eddie_Moscone_BB said:
I think it’s really hard for even psychologists to catch. The conversation in my experience can easily turn to talk about “coming out” when in reality the anxiety is an irrational fear of something you’re not to begin with. If I recall correctly my own dr agreed with me on the Hocd because for me if felt like such a relief that there seemed to be a name for what I was going through. Usually ocd is talked about in terms of germs but I’ve read that even people identifying as homosexual have had this as their own form in that they had an irrational fear that they were
becoming straight. This may sound out there but I’ve read this i believe in dr Fred penzel’s book if I’m not mistaken. There should be medical articles on this out there so it’s real science. https://www.amazon.com/Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorders-Complete-Getting-Staying/dp/0195140923
Click to expand...
For me it feel covincing and the thoughts of kissing a man are as if i like it and want it even though i dont like it.
 
OCD is extremely powerful. I went through a phase (still do at times) where I would spend ALL Sunday (after having a few drinks Saturday night) in complete panic that I had done wrong the night before. I would ask my gf who had I upset/messaged/what had I done and would make up scenarios in my head. I would literally spend the day worried I'd messaged my boss abusive messages and deleted them - it sounds funny but i was literally convinced of it. I would then ask for reassurance ALL day to my gf to confirm things are alright...

Sounds like I'm going off track but it's all relatable - you get so worried about 'What if I'm gay' that you get into a similar cycle. You look for reassurance, you check, you get slight relief, that fades, you go back to square one.

Just consider this- do you really think gay guys spend this much energy worried about being gay? That fact you're on here worried about it speaks for itself...if you liked it you would be spending this time reaching out to other gay guys, not stressing out about it.
 
MrAlkali said:
For me it feel covincing and the thoughts of kissing a man are as if i like it and want it even though i dont like it.
Click to expand...
It’s uncanny how these were my exact thoughts when I was going through that in HA with my anxiety. That’s the thing I noticed with ocd, it seems to pick thoughts/fears about things that you would never do. I had to go through CBT therapy for my ocd. You’re taught techniques that allow you to just let the thoughts come and go. I’ve found a lot of it is very applicable to getting over the NoFap.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top