HOCD

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Jamesnorthwest, Aug 22, 2017.

  1. Jamesnorthwest

    Jamesnorthwest Fapstronaut

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    Hi all,

    I have been suffering from HOCD for about 3 months now. I am seeing a psychiatrist for it and things certainly feel like they're progressing. I'd like to state that I have always fancied girls, had crushes on them and been in a loving relationship with my GF for 4 years now.
    I recently stumbled across NoFap as some people have spoken about the escalation of their porn use and how it turned to more taboo topics.
    I like most kids found porn and masturbation from around 11, from what I can remember over fairly typical things (girls masturbating). From mid-teens I remember I used to like to display myself on webcams/chatrooms, sent pictures to girls. The older I grew I seem to remember forgetting this and started having real sexual relationships from the age of 17.

    From 19 - present my porn developed to more voyeur and then on to more taboo topics like swinging/cuckolding and small penis humiliation. The embarrassment seemed to be a turn on of mine. I then started using Grindr to send pictures of myself to men since I was in a relationship I knew it was less likely I would get caught if I sent these pictures to women. This then started happening on a daily basis. I'm then embarrassed to say I then started to send pictures of me AND my girlfriend too claiming we were swingers. I would look at pictures that they sent back but it was never any real interest of mine looking at them. As soon as I orgasmed I would always feel huge disgust and shame as to what I had just done and try to not go back to doing it.

    Does this sound typical of porn escalation leading to HOCD or do you think I am just a straight man with a liking of bisexual porn? The HOCD doubt is starting to tell me the latter but I do not want to have a thing for that and just want to become less "perverse".

    I am on day 3 of my NoFap journey and didn't think I would have it on my mind quite so much.
     
    Ray_of_Sunshine likes this.

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