HOCD

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by SimonaAlex, Sep 7, 2021.

  1. SimonaAlex

    SimonaAlex Fapstronaut

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    For the past 2 years, I've had OCD, when I was 15 years old. I have Sexual OCD, like Homosexual OCD, Pedophilia OCD, Zoophilia OCD, and even Incest OCD.

    At the age of 12, I remember having my first crush on a guy in my class. He was the only guy I've ever fallen in love with before HOCD took over. Since then, I don't recall having a sexual/romantic crush on a woman, I never second-guessed my sexuality. I've never had the interest in fantasizing about myself doing sexual/romantic things to females, except that I had gay thoughts, yes, I can admit that but I didn't feel like liking them and I did not care and moved on with my life. At the age of 13, I chose to date a female when I played Kim Kardashian: Hollywood. I've had one or few girl crushes, but they weren't sexual or romantic. Even if they were sexual/romantic, I wouldn't be in this forum and I would've known that I was bisexual. I've always known I was a heterosexual female, based on my preference for my fantasies of having sex with males and liking it and even having attractions. When HOCD sprung out, I remember feeling immense anxiety and I tried to suppress it, but it didn't help. When I check my past, my HOCD would convince me that my attractions to men were fake and that I've had attractions to females without realizing it. I've made many attempts of fantasizing about myself doing romantic/sexual things to males, but then HOCD would automatically switch to women. I really couldn't tell whether my attractions to women are actually true, or even false. If they're true, then so be it. I would be bisexual and still date men. At the age of 14, I was hanging out with my friend in school and then my classmate came to me and asked me if I was a lesbian because he saw me talking to my best friend and I told him no. I don't think he was just joking, I think he was trying to make me feel upset. I got called lesbian again in a rude way because there was this kid who was riding a bicycle and saw me and my another best friend chatting and thought that we were dating.

    Today, my (false) attractions to women are not that strong as it was before, but there's this lingering doubt that's still making me question whether I'm straight or bisexual. I guess it's a good sign that I'm recovering.
     
    Foxhole likes this.
  2. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    The simple question you have to ask yourself is this: "Did you have these thoughts/feelings before porn, or did they only crop up afterward?"

    I'd say most of the time, these thoughts are the result of escalation. You become desensitised to thinking about your "true" preference, and so move onto something more novel in order to continue being aroused.

    Also, your thoughts dont define who you are. It's perfectly possible to accept that a person of the same sex is attractive without feeling romantic or sexual attraction. In much the same way it's possible to get so angry you feel like you want to hurt someone, but you dont actually do it.

    In the end though, only you can decide this for yourself.
     
    SimonaAlex likes this.
  3. SimonaAlex

    SimonaAlex Fapstronaut

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    Never had them before HOCD. I really appreciate for taking the time to help.
     
  4. SimonaAlex

    SimonaAlex Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for that. Although, I'm feeling different and normal nowadays as my false attractions are slowly decreasing. I'm not sure if I'm being correct. Before OCD, I felt really normal and in peace, no constant doubts about myself. I went to talk to my school psychologist and explained to her about my intrusive feelings and thoughts, but she dismissed my case. She only told me that maybe I was attracted to the same sex, family members, animals and children in a friendly way.
     
    WildEntheology likes this.
  5. SimonaAlex

    SimonaAlex Fapstronaut

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    Thank you.
     
  6. Pls answer
    1. Did you have gay thoughts before watching porn in life.?

    2. Did you have any kind ocd in childhood like symmetric ocd, eg- always want evrrything in order, cleanliness, double checking.?

    3.did your attraction to female is unacceptable to you.?

    4. Have an inner voice speaking to you.?

    5. What kind p* you watch mainly?( optional qn)

    6. Did you get triggerd from a simple image but it is somewhat related to the porn you watch.?

    7.did you get compulsive and obsessive thoughts when triggerd.?

    8.did your mind go autopilot sometimes?

    9.do you have a feeling that, world is f**kd up?

    10. Did you worry about problems taking in world and you worry about that unnecessarily.?

    11. Did you have ADHD .?

    12. Sometime you show bipolar disorder.like so much energy and acting impulsively.?

    (If you have any prblm, you can direct msg me and dont post here. I am not a doctor, i am simple man, whose life has been destroyed by this ocd with sexual obsession. So i do a lot of research on this ocd.! I think i can help you.i do a lot of reasearch on this hocd too.)i.like to add something..hocd is the gateway to the world of gay. So you must take measures to avoid it ASAP. Also ocd can never be cured. It will be hiding in your inner mind even if you are on nofap 1000 day. But you can overrides it with an another habit. But serious work is needed.ocd is a dangerous Disease.
    This ocd is very complex when it link with our sexuality.
    Consider your guru is training you, by throwing some stones at you, stones names are tiredness, anxiety, deppression, life problems etc and he is talking like this," hey you have to face this stones and defend it, then only you will become who you are and you meet your destiny ". But then a devil came and give you a shield called porn and tell you use it and its safe.so there your problems started.you are depending on that shield and you question your life and sexulaity, because you dont know who you truly are and what all are your inner powers. So you are a weak man/women whose life is depending on this shield. So to become stronger you must get rid of this shield(porn ) and face the reality.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2021

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