Homeless woman

I think i see what you mean, 'sexual' usually refers to behaviors. But if course it can be there word that applies to many fantasies and even some feelings. Fantasies are thoughts so they are different from actions, thank goodness, and feelings are tricky they can be very vague. One way to bring some clarity is to look at motives: why did I do that?
For example, my first date with my wife quite a few years ago I bought a piece of pie and a root beer and I think she had one item, it totaled I think seven dollars. I left a twenty. That's a ridiculous tip and I told myself it was to impress this girl but really it was for that girl, what I mean is I was sexually attracted (and attracted in other ways at the same time) to the waitress. It's kind of like how I have to watch my motives in my marriage: if I start thinking the deal is I being money she is supposed to have sex with me I have made it prostitution. Not in the legal sense because of the difference between thoughts and actions but a sense that matters to me and my happiness. We all know motive is important, if someone steps on my toe accidentally it feels different than if they do it on purpose.
I have sometimes had fantasies about picking up homeless women, my mind unconsciously thinks in terms of "who is vulnerable" and also what brings shame that is a high all it's own. Part of how I know shame is involved in my confusion between love beauty sex romance dependence attractive etc etc is that I never watched boring porn it was always stuff many would say is very shame full. I never watched pornography about married people having plain simple sex and then getting dressed for work . The shame was a big part of the high. Plus denial of course.

 

You must resist those sexual thoughts that cross your mind. You want to help others have a decent life, not use their misfortunate fate in order to manipulate them into doing things they don't really like. The homeless lady probably thought you were going to use this 'meal' as an excuse to predate upon her sexually and abuse her. Hence why she felt reluctant to accept your offer, I'm surprised such ideas didn't cross your mind.

In order for you to heal, you need to distach yourself from such scenarios. Because all of them are porn induced, and I'm sure you agree with me that healthy sexual attraction shouldn't be based on power, and no partner has to be bound to a deseperate helpless position.
You want to be a husband/boyfriend/fiancee/lover and not an abuser nor coercionist . Because once this line will be crossed in real life, and those fantasies porn planted into your mind will transcend to reality, you will gradually turn into a monster. And in the end, you wouldn't even recognize yourself.
So, ask yourself again: Is this who you want to be ? Is this the type of men you desire to become ?

 

I hope you realize the danger of such thoughts. And stay away from them, if your goal is to live a happy decent life.

 

It's good to be aware of any trouble generating ideas and perceptions. Once you are knowing their existence and all the destruction they will induce, resisting them becomes easier.