Hope to start tomorrow

Hi @seadoo54 , Welcome to NoFap:

I feel your pain, which is very similar to the one we all felt here when we started this program.
It is a big step if you know what is triggering your urges, because this will allow you to be awake and kill those urges as soon as they appear.

I recommend you to create your own "Emergency Toolbox" with readings that can be handy to read when you start feeling urges to screw up.
I can share this post with you with my own Emergency Toolbox, it helped me a lot during the first few months, i had them in my cell and read them every time I started falling down:


https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...y-first-320-days-of-reboot.62938/#post-473978


I wrote some tips in this post that perhaps will help you too:

http://NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/tips-that-helped-me-to-start-my-reboot.46617/#post-330318

You can watch some interesting videos which are also very helpful in this post:

http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?th...t-help-me-a-lot-during-my-reboot.39774/page-2

I also suggest you to read "Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins, it is a must-read if you are serious about getting rid of this addiction.

Last but not least, I would strongly recommend you to take the NoFap Academy course if you can afford it. The course is great but the best value are the weekly video calls with @alexander (the creator of NoFap and NoFap Academy) and Mark Queppet, where you can chat with them in real life and listen to other guys's stories and problems too.

I hope that all this helps you to fight this shitty addiction.

Fercho

 

Hi @seadoo54 , my story is very similar to yours.
You can read it in this blog if you want:

http://rebootblueprint.com/reboot-success-story-51-years-old-when-i-discovered-nofap/

I fought very hard against my bisexual tendencies for too many years, but it is useless. What you feel inside your brain cannot be denied. If you try to convince yourself that you are not homo/bisexual, you will just keep sinking in depression and addicted patterns like porn, drugs, etc.
I understand that you are very christian and your religion has treated homosexuality as a desease that will send you to Hell. But even Pope Francis has started opening this stupid idea when he said: "Who am i to judge gays?".
And you know how many priests are gay and abuse children all the time.
Man, YOU WILL NOT GO TO HELL IF YOU HAVE GAY RELATIONSHIPS. Actually you are already having them if I understood well. You need to start accepting them, and not feeling a sinner every time you do it.
If you take out all the drama and the guilt, eventually you will learn if the desire to get laid with a man is real, or just part of your internal conflict. Some times we desire things we despise, we find ourselves attracted to things that if we get rational we are really not.
It will be a long process, and you need to separate the addiction to porn and masturbation, from your sexual orientation. Unfortunately we confuse both, because we have conflict about accepting our sexual orientation.
I strongly recommend you to register in NoFap Academy, they have helped me a lot during the Wednesday video calls.
Again: this will not solve the conflicts with your own sexuality. But they can help you get rid of PMO, and once you succeed on this , your mind will get clearer and you will be able to think clearer about your homosexual feelings.
I hope this helps you
Fercho

 

Of course @seadoo54 , it is impossible to live a life with no sex, even at 54!
This is my point: if you do not like having sex with women, and we know that porn sucks and get you depressed, you should not be ashamed if you want to have sex with some guy once in a while.
About substituting one addiction for another, you should start some activity that you like and give you some pleasure. It is what the creators of NoFap Academy call " fulfilling disciplines", they are positive activities which fill in the vacuum left by porn in our life's, once you start quitting it.
In my case, I started practicing Tai Chi 9 months ago and it changed my life, I found balance and peace of mind, very important for my reboot.
You can also try learning some language, play some instrument or practicing a new sport.
Learning new things will open new pathways inside your brain, which Jhelum you to " rewire" your brain, which is the basis for a successful reboot
Hope his helps
Fercho

 

Good @seadoo54 , rewarding yourself with positive things is very helpful for your reboot
Enjoy your new ride
Fercho