Hopefully encouraging words for us lonely people

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Cool I Can Use Spaces, Nov 20, 2019.

  1. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    I think our attitude is the key to success with this challenge of dealing with loneliness.

    What I see in my life is that we need to keep that attitude positive even though we get knocked about in our attempts.

    I’ve been getting out more but there are still times I’m feeling lonely. Also I interact with more people and as a result there are more awkward moments when the interaction isn’t going well.

    I could be focused on the negatives and say, “Hey I’m still alone quite often and I still have awkward social moments so screw it. I’m quitting and crawling back under my rock. Going to go back to all the crazy sexual acting out I was doing before”.

    The temptation is there to do just that.

    INSTEAD

    I’ve chosen to keep progressing which I’m doing slowly but surely. The positive interactions I have with people are increasing. The negative interactions with people aren’t bothering as much as they use to. Before negative interactions resulted in me hiding in my house and not wanting to try again for a long time.

    I’m slowly building up confidence in talking to everyone regardless of sex or social status. I’ve a long way to go in areas but I am making progress and in a better place now than in 2017.

    So for those that say they want to quit trying, do you realize that nothing good/worthwhile comes with a casual effort? It isn’t easy getting yourself out there into society but it has to be done.

    We have to learn how to handle rejection, how to make blundering mistakes but learn from them and move on, and we need to learn how to talk to people in realistic/constructive ways. Those things aren’t going to happen if we sit around wallowing in pity parties. And yes I’ve spent lots of time having one man pity parties, what a waste of time those were.

    So come up with a plan and do it. You have to start somewhere. Start making those mistakes and learn from them. Stop sitting at home whining. Let’s all grow up and mature.
     
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  2. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    Stay positive everyone and believe that you can do it.

    Do what?

    That you can go out and meet people.

    That you can learn to handle rejection and keep going forward.

    That you can handle loneliness in healthy ways. Sitting around brooding is not a healthy way to handle loneliness. Think positively and proactively. What constructive things can you be doing instead of sitting around brooding?

    (This is coming from a man that used to sit around and brood instead of making plans to do something).
     
    Blues017 and Robinthehood like this.
  3. Mistersofty

    Mistersofty Fapstronaut

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    Only problem is that I get so cozy in my lonely little world. I just realized that for the past two weekends, I've spoken to absolutely no one, except for a simple hello to the cashier at the store, but I've been in a great mood anyway. It scares me to think that I may have accepted that I may be alone for the rest of my life. I guess after this long you stop entertaining the possibility of being a part of someone else's life. At this point I'm on standby waiting for the next surge of motivation to get the momentum going again. Tough this time of year though. Thanks for the positivity :)
     
  4. Son of Midgaard

    Son of Midgaard Fapstronaut

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    Yes, this time of year, here it is dark outside from 09-1500 so that outer darkness may increase a inner darkness or lonely state of mind.

    Loneliness is like a sunk cost fallacy: the more you invest in it, the less risk you are willing to take to really break out of it, it is like being comfortably enslaved. Yet we all feel how detrimental it is, I guess at best we can train ourselves to letting go of this illusion of self-control, ease and relaxation that loneliness provides us with.
     
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  5. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    Believe it or not I can relate to that 100%. I see you’re 43, all through my 40’s I became more n more reclusive and initially was happy with it. I’d go weeks at a time only interacting with people at work, very brief conversations at stores, and when I’d go help my parents. Other than that I was by myself. Sometimes I’d go to SoCal to visit a good friend but not much more than that.

    But I got tired of that life and decided I wanted to do something else. So I started using Meetup.com and it’s worked for me.

    I’m not saying that socializing is for everyone and it’s certainly not easy to get out, can be very scary actually. But for those who do want to get out I say don’t let the fear factor stop you.

    For those that want to continue to keep to themselves I think that’s fine too. (Just don’t go into Theodore John Kaczynski mode on us).
     
  6. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    It is hard to break out of.

    My initial attempts in Spring 2018 were meet with rejection from others. I was angry and upset and hid away from people once again.

    Didn’t try again until January 2019. More failure.

    Tried again in Spring 2019 and started having success after reading books about having self-confidence.

    I wonder what actively social people think of people such as myself???
     
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  7. Son of Midgaard

    Son of Midgaard Fapstronaut

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    Yes, that reversed mirror onto oneself could be very hard to come to terms with at first probably, alot things we do not like or accept will surface and maybe create even stronger sense of self-awareness.

    I have always been lonely since i got bullied in school and also very self-aware so this combination makes me very weary and anxious and maybe mysteriuos/awkward to others. It is what it is I guess, I suppose very judgmental and critical people is best avoided with these character traits.
     
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  8. Mistersofty

    Mistersofty Fapstronaut

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    Exactly, self enslaved is spot on. Deep down I know that I can end this. I see the greener grass on the other side of the fence that I perceive to be a mile high when I could literally step right over it if I weren't so scared to leave this world I'm in.
     
  9. Mistersofty

    Mistersofty Fapstronaut

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    I can see where you're at right now and good on you for pushing yourself beyond your limits. I have been there myself a few times, but lost the momentum and returned to my old ways. I think that it takes many tries for some of us to really take flight. Hope you find your way out of loneliness for good
     
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  10. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. Yes I sometimes feel my momentum is slowing, then picking up, then slowing again. I just keep thinking of where I was headed in 2017 and it gives me motivation to continue.

    Best wishes to you!
     
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  11. Hold it in

    Hold it in Fapstronaut

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    Great post man. Keep moving gentlemen and ladies :)
     
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  12. Fullyawake

    Fullyawake Fapstronaut

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    The pain of not having someone is hard. I either feel like I want to sleep all day, sit in a pitch black cave brooding alone or yell and fight. It HURTS knowing a girl for me could be out there but I don’t know where. I’m only getting older. I’m honestly nearly giving up on love, but I’m not relapsing. Finding someone who CLICKS with your energy is so rare.
     
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  13. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    You're not alone in this. At 52yo I do wonder if it's ever going to happen at all. I often feel like throwing in the towel and going back to pre-December 2017 sexual activities (which I won't bother listing).
    -----
    To be completely honest I do say often, "If it happens great, if not that's fine too". But really deep down inside I very very much want to spend the rest of my life with a good woman and if it doesn't happen I'm going to be disappointed.
    Yes I'll live my life as fully as possible, enjoy my hobbies, travel, sports activities, and continue to enjoy my job with the airplanes. But at the same time I will be disappointed if it doesn't happen. I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling that way. We can be overall positive and still have disappointments in life.

    The progress I'm making seems so slow and it does get frustrating. I hope that the things I'm learning now will help me be a good husband if it ever does happen. I don't want to quit. I think I've come a long way since December 2017. I used to say that there isn't a woman alive that will give me the time of day. But now there's been times I've been able to go up to them and start conversations. Something I was too scared to do before.
     
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