Hopeless case it seems - inconsistent results , very confused

Hello, gentlemen . To give you guys a short background, I’m 36 and spent nearly 20 years masturbating daily and looking at porn . I never had any sexual experiences prior to getting involved with fapping and porn . I finally quit porn in August 2020 and stopped masturbating in July 2021 due to ED symptoms . I noticed I would not get an easy erection around my girlfriend . I did 2 long hard mode streaks with no PMO even from sex from July 2021 until December 2021. In December 2021 I had sex daily with my gf because I was seeing her but only with the use of 10 mg and occasionally 20 mg of tadalafil because those 5 months of hard mode did not improve my situation . After December 2021, I did a 9 month streak until September 2022 with no PMO /no sex . I now live with my girl and have tried to wean myself off higher doses and split the 5 mg into half or even quarters to get either 2.5 mg or even less of tadalafil and I am able ro manage a decent erection but ONLY with manual stimulation and oral . It seems that thoughts still don’t do much for me and I can’t get hard from just fantasy alone . Things always start with touch to get me going . HOWEVER, I have experienced some things I have not experienced previously on random occasions . Occasionally ; I’ve been able to get decently hard with no medicine in my system from oral sex alone and the etection is very hard enough to penetrate and it has surprised me when this has happened because during these times I have not had any medicine in my system . There have been times when she has kissed me or i have kissed her and suddenly it feels good and I start feeling rigid down there also with no medicine . This is maybe too much info - but one time as I was driving my lady got frisky with me and proceeded to give me oral as I was driving and I had only taken a sliver (probably 1.25 mg of tadalafil 40 hours earlier) and i got hard very quickly . These things have been happening more often when I am barely taking tadalafil . However, the results are truly inconsistent . When I notice these boners on 0 tadalafil or an insignificant dose, I get excited and hopeful thinking I am recovering but then other times my erection lags and same circumstances kissing or her giving me oral and trying to get me excited and my erextion is hard to come by . It’s really inconsistent . Last week, I had a few drinks , was exhausted in bed and was not expecting anything so I did not have tadalafil in my system but my girl was horny and she went down on me , I got decently hard and she rode me even though for some reason I just finished quickly . Other times she can try and I may want something but my penis won’t wake up . So it seems there are some possible signs of improvement but they are inconsistent and wondering “wtf?” ? What do I do ? I’m sick and tired of thinking I’m getting better and other times I feel I’m back to square 1. This morning shortly after eating breakfast I laid in bed with her and for no particular reason I had a semi erection without even being all that aroused so I felt great but when she was going to give me a BJ it was now starting to go down . I mean what rhe hell is up ? Strange signs I observe without tadalafil and sometimes they are there and other times they are absent . I’ve been doing a lot of experimenting without the use of meds and I’ve seen these changes . Is this PIED and are these signs of waking up ? I realize I need a low dose of this medicine but Jesus I dropped porn a long time ago and quit fapping 1.5 years ago . Today I feel doubtful if this will ever go away and if I will be on a pill for sex permanently or if I will eventually recover completely . Maybe tomorrow I suddenly get hard easily from a touch or her mouth without any medicine and will penetrate and suddenly feel I am improving but this roller coaster is driving me crazy. What is going on ? I get solid morning wood most nights, normal testosterone ; and no serious illnesses . Guys am I a lost cause ? I don’t see what else I can do

 

On the contrary, I work out 3 or 4 times a week and do plenty of cardio and strength train as well . I also drink plenty of water to ensure I am well hydrated . I believe you misunderstood what I was saying or perhaps I wasn’t clear - I’ve been experimenting for some time now without the use of meds and I have observed some good signs of improvement but the signs appear sometimes and other times signs of improvement seem to be absent . In other words, maybe one day I have no medicine in my system , my girl kisses me sensually and I enjoy it and I suddenly felt a stiffening down there . Maybe another day if she performs oral prior to penetration I seem to get hard fully without meds and then another time the same things happen , nothing has changed and suddenly it’s difficult to get hard or I notice I didn’t get as hard as last time . That’s what I mean - ups and downs emotionally because of all this . Sometimes it feels like my ED is improving because my penis appears to spring to life with more ease and then other times I feel I’m back to square one because my penis is sleeping . I truly don’t know what this is - can this still be PIED? Is there hope ? I don’t know . All I know is that I’m getting inconsistent progress and signs . I seem to take a step forward and then my progress goes backwards . My morning wood is present almost every day and sometimes it’s harder some mornings than others . I can’t believe I am going through all this so young . Yes; I’ve had plenty of sex with my girl but it should require less effort and should be easier . I shouldn’t even need manual stimulation /oral (foreplay) prior to sex in my mid-30s. I hear about men just from sight alone seeing a naked woman or just from thoughts alone being ready to go but I am not like that at all . Need to feel touch , a stroke, a “sensation” and some time to get my engine running . Ridiculous . All this because of two decades of porn since age 14 even after I quit porn in august 2020? And I quit fapping a year and s half ago ? Damn . This should be plenty of time to cure .

 

Any input guys ?

 

But here’s the thing - I’ve been experimenting without the meds more and more often and as I said I have occasionally experienced some semi’s/stiffening after a pleasurable kiss, holding my girl , etc without the meds . These things wouldn’t happen before . The issue is that they happen occasionally and then other times under the same circumstances my dick is dead . Inconsistent progress and it worries me . My girl has to start off sex with manual stimulation and oral for me to get hard . I have not been able to summon a full erection adequate for sex just from thoughts or visuals alone . I just came to an agreement that I will cut out sex for 2 weeks and we will kiss, cuddle , I can play with her body , etc but she cannot touch my dick at all because I have to see what happens from just touching her, sensuality , etc . We’ve been living together now for nearly 4 months and I just don’t get why my brain has not connected the pieces to realize sex is fun, she’s taking off her clothes, it’s time to start sending blood down south . Even anticipation of sex does not get me hard - what is up with my brain ?