Hopelessness

Hi everyone!

I hope y’all are doing great and you somehow manage to fight this addiction. I personally gave up a long time ago, I'm 23 and all my conscious teenage life was covered in porn addiction. Whenever i felt sad, happy, tired, energetic I would watch porn. Now that I'm older let me tell you, I feel it's too late. I feel like there's something broken within me because of porn, videochats, edging for hours and posting my nudes on nsfw subreddit. My sense of responsibility and goal in life is gone. I‘m working on getting my masters degree and I also still live with my parents, no driver’s license and no money. Despite the fact that I work two jobs (for which I get paid little) I still can’t progress in my life. After so many battles, thoughts, prayers to God, meditation, physical exercises I finally understood. I understood that I can’t fight this addiction, and I simply give up. I let cigarettes (another addiction) and porn to ruin me so I can leave this earth to either rot in hell or to levitate on eternal darkness. The only since prayer I have, is that I pray that God takes me in my sleep, I’m too tired and too broken to live.