Hi all, I am a 45 year old male. I fist saw pornography after finding my dads porn VHS videos when i was 11 years old and haven't really looked back! I was intrigued by these tremendously. When I was 18 I went to my first strip club with some friends and I really enjoyed it and became fascinated with those too for quite some time. I would watch porn and then go to a strip club and get a lap dance or more depending on the club. You see for me it doesn't stop with porn! Porn is the beginning or trigger for me i have realized! Sure there are thousands of times where i just masturbated to porn and was done...but that urge for something more or to feel the real thing was and is always there. And when I pursue that urge it is like a drug! Also the pornography that I viewed would have to be escalated to more and more graphic and intense because i grew tired of "normal porn". Gang bangs, Cheating videos, Bukake and double penetration were the new norm for me! This all honestly disgusts me as i am reading this!! Where have i gone to?? Now... for the last couple of years I have taken it a step further with actually going to massage parlors and escorts to seek out my cravings. I have also noticed that I pretty much sexualize many women I walk past on the street! I know this is something guys just do...but I cant stop doing it! It all starts with looking at porn. My cycle watch porn, get very excited and then take it to the next level! I know i sound like a freak show on here but I really am a nice, kind and caring individual. I am married and my wife doesn't like when i look at porn..I have suffered from PIED as well and after reading about it on this site I know why. It has also caused problems with intimacy with my wife and needless to say our marriage is holding on by a thread right now! She does not know i started seeing escorts, which i will say is not always sex...sometimes its just the rush i get of course followed by the immediate guilt afterward! It is a vicious cycle! I am convinced that if i can get porn out of my life and start seeing the world through different eyes I can stop these compulsive destructive behaviors! To be honest I have been able to stop these other bad behaviors for months on end, just never porn and this is the catalyst. I hope i didn't share too much, but just writing this has been a great admission...no one but one close friend knows about all of this. looking for support!