Hoping for a turnaround!

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Draker71, Apr 29, 2018.

  1. Draker71

    Draker71 Fapstronaut

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    Hi all, I am a 45 year old male. I fist saw pornography after finding my dads porn VHS videos when i was 11 years old and haven't really looked back! I was intrigued by these tremendously. When I was 18 I went to my first strip club with some friends and I really enjoyed it and became fascinated with those too for quite some time. I would watch porn and then go to a strip club and get a lap dance or more depending on the club. You see for me it doesn't stop with porn! Porn is the beginning or trigger for me i have realized! Sure there are thousands of times where i just masturbated to porn and was done...but that urge for something more or to feel the real thing was and is always there. And when I pursue that urge it is like a drug! Also the pornography that I viewed would have to be escalated to more and more graphic and intense because i grew tired of "normal porn". Gang bangs, Cheating videos, Bukake and double penetration were the new norm for me! This all honestly disgusts me as i am reading this!! Where have i gone to??
    Now... for the last couple of years I have taken it a step further with actually going to massage parlors and escorts to seek out my cravings. I have also noticed that I pretty much sexualize many women I walk past on the street! I know this is something guys just do...but I cant stop doing it! It all starts with looking at porn. My cycle watch porn, get very excited and then take it to the next level! I know i sound like a freak show on here but I really am a nice, kind and caring individual. I am married and my wife doesn't like when i look at porn..I have suffered from PIED as well and after reading about it on this site I know why. It has also caused problems with intimacy with my wife and needless to say our marriage is holding on by a thread right now! She does not know i started seeing escorts, which i will say is not always sex...sometimes its just the rush i get of course followed by the immediate guilt afterward! It is a vicious cycle! I am convinced that if i can get porn out of my life and start seeing the world through different eyes I can stop these compulsive destructive behaviors! To be honest I have been able to stop these other bad behaviors for months on end, just never porn:( and this is the catalyst. I hope i didn't share too much, but just writing this has been a great admission...no one but one close friend knows about all of this. looking for support!
     
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  2. Yanis

    Yanis Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the Nofap-community.
    The NO PMO or NO PM journey is not easy but worth the effort.
    Maybe you want to make some commitment - not to the community but to yourself.
    It's possible to get rid of addiction.
     
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  3. P-Free

    P-Free Fapstronaut

    Welcome to the community! You're in the right place; a place filled with lots of support AND folks just like you. You can do this (we all can!) and you don't have to go it alone. Best of luck and don't hesitate to reach out for support!
     
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  4. Draker71

    Draker71 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for the responses! I can already feel that I have found the right place to beat this once and for all! I know it wont be easy but IT IS TIME!
     
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  5. TC10

    TC10 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome aboard. The community here is the best, really helpful. Just read a lot on this site and learn about your addiction. The battle is not only about willpower, you’ll need more. You may not succeed the first time, but you can’t expect to break a life-time habbit in 1 try. All the best man!
     
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  6. LetsLive

    LetsLive Fapstronaut

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    Hey! It never remains just "normal" P. It ALWAYS escalates. Like taking a drug and wanting an even stronger high.

    I have also escalated quite some, and it has spilled out into the real world. I made a post a few days ago, as a complete nervous wreck, I just typed away, I had to get it all out. It made me feel better.

    Welcome though, I'm new also, but the community thus far seems great.

    Let's beat this. :)
     
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  7. P-Free

    P-Free Fapstronaut

    You're welcome! We got this! It is time for me, too!
     
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  8. Draker71

    Draker71 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks LetsLive! Wow! Loving the support and reading about other peoples battles! I didnt know this existed a month ago! Ya, i was really worried i shared to much after re-reading my post, but now I am glad i did...This addiction sucks and just escalates!
     
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  9. Draker71

    Draker71 Fapstronaut

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    Appreciate it the words of support and wisdom, man!
     
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  10. Yanis

    Yanis Fapstronaut

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    3 days is a very good beginning. Keep on focusing on what you really want: true happiness.
    My recommendation for you: the urges for P and M will come. It might be very helpful to encourage other fapstronauts. In fact this helped me the most on my journey.
    We all are humans, sometimes we are weak and sometimes we are strong. We all need some support from those who are on the same journey.

    English is not my native language. The English words I like the most are “gratitude” and “appreciation “. The word “relapse” I don’t like. Sounds like fallen down or moving backwards. No - we all are in a learning process and it’s up to me to make the right decisions. I choose joy. I made the habit and I break the habit. There is much more to experience in this life than P and M.
    Good luck and keep strong!
     
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