Horrible, deep loneliness. Is this a sign that I'm recovering?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, Dec 1, 2016.

  1. So I don't know why or how this happened, but last night, loneliness hit me like an avalanche. All of a sudden I broke down, and cried so hard that I have red pockets under my eyes from crying so violently and abruptly.

    I'm about 5 or 6 days into NoFap, and I guess last night my emotions just poured out altogether? I'm 21, a virgin of course, never kissed a girl, never held a girl's hand, never done anything with a girl.

    I guess the biggest issue here is how I've never been able to connect with a girl in general. Every time I've tried talking with a girl they either look uninterested, think I'm weird, or just don't have anything to add to the conversation so it just turns out to be a generic, lukewarm interview session. Oh well, I guess 21 years of literally never interacting with a girl will do that to you. I hate to compare myself to others, but most of the guys I know have had multiple relationships, have plenty of female friends, etc, and here I am struggling to even talk to a girl. I've started to feel as though there is something seriously wrong with me, but I don't know at this point.

    I've been told I'm attractive, I guess it's just my horrible social anxiety and personality. I have a stutter, which I guess you could say is moderate; I think that stems from my social anxiety though.

    But whatever, will it get any better? I don't even know what to do about this. I feel like I've been waking up into hell each day, and I'm a loss as to what to do.

    Thank you for reading. I hope this passes
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 1, 2016
    21nov likes this.
  2. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    Hey, friend, sorry to see you suffer like this.

    The range of human emotions and their causes are difficult to pinpoint over the internet, so, it is hard for me to give you an adequate answer for your earnest question. I'd say though, that you should watch and see how you do over a course of time. Compare yourself week to week and month to month, even year to year. You are the sum of everything that happened to you, and even more than that. It is not something that can be answered quickly.

    However, I'll share my gut feeling with you. I do believe that such an emotional response is natural, given your life context. PMO can be like a way of self-medicating, nursing the wounds and filling the emptiness. When that is suddenly removed, things from your subconscious self will arise and scream for attention and care, a demand to be put to peace and rest. It's a natural need we all have, to feel good and whole and that everything will be okay.

    It seems to me like that may be what is happening. Without the PMO, you are forced to come face-to-face with the heart of the matter. Is this recovery? Yes and no. It is an opportunity for true recovery, it depends on what you'll do with these promptings from your sub-self. I'd urge you to find a healthy resolution to these emotions, so they can be put to peaceful rest.

    Wish you all the best,
    Mankrik and LateSpring like this.
  3. dundleup

    dundleup Fapstronaut

    Hi - I'm having a similar reaction to the beginning of rebooting. Waves of depression, loneliness etc. I will say based on other attempts to take a break, and my current streak (also at day 5) that I agree with O.S.T. above that P.M.O. obscures a variety of fears, anxieties, emotions that can all well up and even explode when the self-medication is taken away. Basically, just know you're not alone, both with the feelings of loneliness/self-doubt as well as the struggle to connect with women.​
  4. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

    I also had some intense feelings of loneliness early into nofap and my social anxiety was terrible - few friends at all let alone female ones. I am still a kissless virgin who has never held hands with a girl too. However my anxiety depression and loneliness has faded on my nofap journey (on day 91 hardcore no PMO) I have new outlook and am finding it a lot easier to talk to people and am going to work up the courage to ask out a particular girl soon. Anyway things do get better, but you have to get your confidence up and not be afraid to initiate, for me nofap has cured my social anxiety because of my increased mental clarity and passion. I still have a ways to go but have improved drastically. Strongly recommend staying on NoFap and improving your mind body and soul as much as possible. Then you will have a strong positive aura and feel good about yourself and have a better outlook opposed to a negative one. First comes a positive mindset and outlook, then the positive actions and outcomes follow. It is essential for you and you alone to attain a positive mindset and change your behavior in your own unique process. Your fate is in your own hands, I wish you the best of luck. Get back to me if you ever want to talk more :D
  5. IggyIshness

    IggyIshness Fapstronaut

    A girl isnt happiness. Learn to embrace your loniness and in the same time work to get a girl if you want. If right know you would have a girl and have sex and whatever you said, 100 % you wont be happy. Why? because you didnt earn it, you didnt go throught the hardship and adversity and lonliness and overcoming things to get a girl. Work hard for one and you will be happy with her. Anyways a girl wont make your life so wonderful but will for sure be a big part of it.
    This is the problem with PMO, is that its instant gratification, you dont work for the pleasure you just get it, its easy. But sex with a girl ohh it aint that easy
  6. Red Eagle

    Red Eagle Fapstronaut

    In my experience it is. When giving up porn your body starts to desire a real woman. Before that, you numbed that feeling with porn. This feeling is horrible, I know what you're going through.

    From my experience, it will get worse.
  7. NFjourney2016

    NFjourney2016 Fapstronaut

    Haha brahh.. why brah.. didnt need to hear its going to get worse but.. here you go, some nice quotes I found because Im going through the same feeling. Im on day 13
    Cant say its gotten easier than from when it started but I can say I want to control this now. :)

    Last edited: Dec 4, 2016
    Audere est Facere likes this.
  8. the crow

    the crow Guest

    I am, as it happens, an expert on stuttering. I stuttered terribly, for over fifty years, but for the past five, have been more fluent than fluent people.
    I know what it's like, what causes it, what entrenches it, and what cures it.
    If, like most stutterers, you are upset by this, we'll say no more about it.
    But if not, we can explore it...
  9. IggyIshness

    IggyIshness Fapstronaut

    Watch that second picture..
    NFjourney2016 likes this.
  10. NFjourney2016

    NFjourney2016 Fapstronaut

    Its taken care of. My eyes did not see it. Sorry :(
  11. IggyIshness

    IggyIshness Fapstronaut

    its fine i handle triggers good
    NFjourney2016 likes this.
  12. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

    OP, I like your avatar. Hope everything works out for you.

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