How are handjobs and regular sex affecting my reboot?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Blusunman, Feb 6, 2020.

Tags:
  1. Blusunman

    Blusunman Fapstronaut

    16
    16
    3
    Okay so first here is a little background, I am 25 years old and have been fapping and watching porn daily since I was as young as 11 or 12.

    I had attempted sex with a couple girls throughout my life and always failed to get or maintain strong enough erection for sex, I never knew what the problem was until maybe 2 years ago when I discovered nofap, I had several short streaks on and off with the longest maybe being 7 days. I stopped experimenting with nofap for a whole years and co to yes to fap and watch porn for the last year or so, however, a couple mo the ago I met a girl

    we started hanging out a lot so I started nofap again, 19 days into my streak we had sex and I had absolutely no problems getting an erection. I was getting erect just from kissing

    ever since then, I haven’t had much troubles with erections with her, so I’m effectively on nofap normal mode now. We have sex several times a week and my erections for the most part are enough for successful sex.

    I don’t think I ever had death grip because when I have sex I last no longer than a couple minutes.

    So I guess my question is, how is having sex affecting my reboot and pied recovery? Is it helping or hurting? My only complaint seems to be that I have to wait to have sex for a day or two after having sex to be able to get erect easily again.

    my girlfriend uses her hand during oral sex a lot too and the head of my penis is so sensitive that it’s uncomfortable when she does it... could using her hands cause death grip or does death grip take a long time to develop?

    other than having a long refractory period, my erections have been working pretty good when we do have sex.

    will normal mode still bring me continuous benefits with regular sex?
     
  2. +TenPercent

    +TenPercent Fapstronaut

    Just my opinion, but it sounds like you are doing great! :cool:

    The most important think is not looking at porn. Or, perhaps what I should say is that the most important think is your relationship with your girlfriend. If your stuff is working most of the time and if you're not looking at porn and not masturbating and you're exploring sex with a partner in a healthy and respectful manner . . . then I think that the most important thing for you to do is to keep doing what your doing!
     
    gingeralan and Optimum Fortitude like this.
  3. Blusunman

    Blusunman Fapstronaut

    16
    16
    3
    Thanks a lot! I really appreciate the message and feedback.

    so as long as I’m not watching porn or masturbating, I can continue sex with my girlfriend while still making progress to full recovery?
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  4. Johnny Bozo

    Johnny Bozo Fapstronaut

    80
    256
    53
    I was just thinking to myself the other day I am going to explain to a new interest that hand stuff is out of the question but to each their own I guess.
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  5. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

    73
    75
    18
    Just stay free of the porn, that is key. Enjoy your relationship. An forget masturbation, save that energy for your GF and life will be better for it. Good luck bro. Just one thing, dont let your gf be the only reason you stay porn free. You need to do it for yourself. I know many a guy who has fallen off the recovery wagon after a relationship ends. Prepare for the possiblity but live like it will never occur.
     
    jimbo_bones and +TenPercent like this.
  6. +TenPercent

    +TenPercent Fapstronaut

    This is just my opinion (and you'll have to find out what works for you) but I have come to the conclusion that porn is very damaging and masturbation can be a problem for many of us.
    I'm not entirely sure what "full recovery" really means because we'll never fully undo our past, but cutting out porn and masturbation is definitely moving in the direction of recovery :cool:
     
  7. Blusunman

    Blusunman Fapstronaut

    16
    16
    3
    I suppose I mean full recovery from PIED. Some people suggest you cannot fully recover on normal mode but I have been seeing some pretty decent results with normal mode... staying a way from porn and masturbation and only having orgasms with my partner. I’m just wondering if this is a viable way to cure PIED
     
    Wugazi32 and +TenPercent like this.
  8. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

    73
    75
    18
    Well I am not sure who is right on this, maybe it varies for everyone. What I would say is if you really have really severe PIED going hard mode for a bit may be best. Cause you really need a chance to recover. However if you are getting properly aroused when with your GF I dont see the problem. I am also starting to wonder if doing hard mode for an extended period of time is actually ideal. e.g. Hard mode for a whole year. I am starting to think this is counter productive, you should be engaging in healthy sexual activities with a partner. I have a feeling going hard mode for per longed period has a negative impact. Sex is a basic human need. We instinctively feel the need to procreate. I am not convinced extended periods of hard mode is needed or healthy. I suspect this deprevation may have ill consequences. But I am no doctor, I am just speculating. However I think there is at least merit to idea that sex is normal and so engaging in sexual activities with a partner is normal rather than attempting to abstain from all sexual activites for an extended period.
     
  9. Blusunman

    Blusunman Fapstronaut

    16
    16
    3
    I completely agree with you. I’m at the point now where I am getting properly aroused with my girlfriend just from making out and kissing and we have been having good successful sex, so I don’t see any reason why hard mode would continue to benefit me. It seems that normal
    Mode, and continuing to re-wire my brain and arousal response and orgasms to my girlfriend would be the most effective thing to do at this point, while continuing to forever stay away from porn (and masturbation in my case)

    I’ve come to the conclusion that my case of PIED was not nearly as bad as some other guys. I seemed to regain the ability to become aroused with a real girl in a relatively short period of time, and I have absolutely no problems finishing during sex, in fact, I am finishing far too quickly.. which is something I can also continue practicing and working on in the bedroom.

    for me, porn and masturbation are what the problem is, not sex. You need to train your brain and body that sex and orgasms only happen in the presence of another human female. Abusing masturbation will teach your brain that it can get it whenever you want, and porn is even more detrimental. I’d say if you do continue to masturbate, don’t make a regular habit out of it.. make sure the majority of your orgasms are coming from having a ex with real partners.

    I think if men were taught that growing up, and were encouraged to find good healthy relationships while practicing safe sexual from a young age, as well as teaching the harmful effects of porn and masturbation and over indulgence of these activities... a lot more young men would not be having these problems
     
    Wugazi32 likes this.
  10. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

    73
    75
    18
    I have also seen guys on other treads speaking about PAWS, but i am wondering if this due to perlonged hard mode also. The reason I say this is because i think the mind and body does make some adjustments to not being sexual. No sex can become the norm but this in turn could be having ill effects and causing other challenges. For instance, I notice when I have a steady partner that my sex drive improves over time. But when I have no partner and I stay away from porn I can almost become disinterested in sex. And then when i do have a partner it takes me a little while to get back into it. I dont feel as aroused the first time and my abililtly to controll my ejaculation has deminished. Its like I am out of practice so to speak. I can also say from experience that when I did suffer with a case of PIED, I accepted what was happening and would still engage in sexual contact with my GF. Touching, kissing, oral etc and eventually things just started to work again. However I do think there is merit to a little abstinence also, If your body is run down from a bunch of PMO or too much sex it is good to let youself recharge your sexual energy so to speak. I also advise that you save your sexual energy for your partner. Dont go beat your meat, save that for when you see your GF. She wants to feel desired and your built up sexual energy translates into more passion and desire in her eyes.
     
  11. TomBradyGOAT

    TomBradyGOAT Fapstronaut

    8
    10
    3
    If your goal is to quit pornography and you arent watching it, than its not affecting anything. If your goal is monk mode/hard mode than everytime you orgasm is a relaspe. Dosent matter if its through masturbation, sex or wet dreams, its a relaspe and you're still excessively orgasming.
     
  12. Jonnyb4

    Jonnyb4 Fapstronaut

    My opinion and experience... you're all good. Doing the porn use and masturbation, and relaxing with a good healthy sexual relationship is the best scenario. (Again, in my opinion).

    I've never had issues with erections but did suffer a great deal from delayed ejaculation due to desensitization. My goal was never to quit orgasms but to remove the need for pmo and have a better sexual relationship with my wife. It's done exactly that.

    Weirdly, she used to have to give me a handjob so I could finish before and I sorta liked a nice handjob from her. First time she gave me one since I started no pmo was a few weeks back and it just felt so strange. It was ok but I'd have much rather had sex.
     
  13. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

    73
    75
    18

    I think the excessive mastrubation has an effect on the sensitivity of the penis. Your hands even with lubrication is rough by comparison to the insides of a womans vagina. I find masturabation can eventually lead to you liking the feel of your hand more than intercourse. Have been thinking it would be best to stay away from mastrubation. Its like women who use vibrators too much. It impossible for a human to replicate that.
     
    Jonnyb4 likes this.

Share This Page