How are you supposed to find a girlfriend when your depressed and don't really have support group, f

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by zxcv, Jul 5, 2017.

  1. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    How are you supposed to find a girlfriend when your depressed and don't really have support group, friends, or any church community. Really I don't feel accepted or like by most people. I do like and accept my self, but when nobody else does. I guess it just doesn't mean that much.
     
  2. I get it man. Im 26 virgin., i wanted to talk to girls today at walmart or something, i, don't drink. But ive felt so down after my 7th relapse, cant even smile to take a pic for tinder.. Plus im fukin skinny cause faping has drained my drive, to do anything much less workout..

    Ive fantasized about my cousin and was flirting with teenagers ffs, thats not gonna help my ego..

    Point is youre not alone in this.

    My best advice is, screw hope and "in time" mindset, you need actual things to do, a real routine, small goals to start. Or go big . this is real man, dont underestimate the effort it will take to turn you're life around.
     
  3. I was also,riding my bike by the park hoping some middle schoolers would invite me to hang out nd play soccer..

    Plus there's no one else i know in my town,

    Do you get this shit.

    Feeling down isnt gonna do anything. Be responsible for your life.
     
    RiTisH likes this.
  4. There's nothing wrong with us man . this is our circumstsnce to, change.

    Its gonna take something unfamiliar...

    Far beyond any comfort zone.
     
    RiTisH likes this.
  5. The Consigliere

    The Consigliere Fapstronaut

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    Focus on being happy with yourself and improving yourself. Don't worry about how others think about. Think about how you think about yourself before worrying about other people. Accept yourself first.
     
  6. icewizard

    icewizard Fapstronaut

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    try craigslist or tinder. [content deleted]


    *mod note - please do not advertise or suggest illegal activity in the forums*
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2017
    WankMaster likes this.
  7. avatarivn

    avatarivn Fapstronaut

    Dawn it. This forum really needs an unlike button. Getting a hooker is arguably worse than even binging to porn.

    About the starter's question: I can relate to this. I am 30 years old and have no support group either, therefore I relapse mostly when I feel lonely. The problem is, getting caught on this vicious circle that reinforces itself is pretty easy: "I have no friends, then its OK to watch porn, then I will feel worse about myself, so I will watch more porn, but then I won't have motivation to go outside or call anyone, so I will stay home with no friends, so I will watch more porn" and so on and so forth.

    My point is basically the same of @hova : accept yourself first. Of course, that is no guarantee at all that will get you a gf, but you will certainly be a happier person because of that.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2017
    AM141 likes this.
  8. Hardboiled24

    Hardboiled24 Fapstronaut

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    No matter what people tell you, social networking is a skill. It's about how you present yourself, and how you act. If you're easygoing and somewhat humorous people will want to spend time around you.

    People like to say, "You're fine just the way you are" to make others feel better. If you want to have more friends and such, change yoursef. Now, I'm no pro at this either, but I'm a hell of a lot better than I used to be.

    Join a sport, or a gym, or a club, make friends there, build confidence, do cold approaches to women.
     
  9. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2017
  10. j
    I
    I can't stress this enough: SEX and SELF SEXUAL PLEASURE are WORLDS APART!
     
    Mixtec likes this.
  11. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    I was in your same situation recently. I felt so lonely and without no one to call a friend. I haven't had a functional relationship with a girl in a long time. It was the most depressed feeling ever on my life. But The thing is YOU have to go out and find a solution for your loneliness.

    I like church related groups so I started visiting different churches in my town. Than I came across my support group that I attend currently. They're all guys who are fighting some sort of addiction or another. It was through these guys that I meant some who were also single so we started hanging out. Talking about our struggles. Inviting girls to hang out and have dinner with us. Suddenly I started noticing how my outlook on life waa changing.

    Try and if you do not find a group of folks to belong to than try again. There are people out there who are also struggling just like we are with loneliness and also need a friend. It's those people that we will be able to create the best bonds with because we share a common struggle: addiction.

    As for girls, I am also looking for a lady to wifey up or marry. It takes learning to love and respect ourselves first before we can love a woman. A man who is a loner and struggling alone will never truly understand how to fully embrace and love a woman.

    Stay up my friend. You can do this! We are hoping the best for you in this journey. :)
     
  12. Vishal BC

    Vishal BC New Fapstronaut

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    I don't know about other.what I think is, sex a desire for a man like a driving energy ....it's a enormous energy with can't be controlled ...so we must try to divert it towards other things .... But if we have too much sex or masturbation serious problems occurs.... Once or twice a week is k.... Dont spoil ur future for temporary pleasure guys
     
  13. Can't be controlled you say? lolz
     
  14. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    Okay, so what should I do to improve myself so I can find a girl?
     
  15. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Buy a Lamborghini.
     
  16. Freitas.P

    Freitas.P Fapstronaut

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    Basically.

    Imagine a girl that is always sad, depressed, complaining about everything. I know that your first thinking is to help, but if she doesn't help herself, or at least try, you'll become tired of the situation.

    Girls like guys with confidence. You must be serious about yourself, your goals in short, medium and long term. I mean, serious girls, those who want to be in a relationship like you, will search for guys like this. They like to feel safe.

    So you have to put your shit together, set a goal in your life and go forth. It's not about the girls, it's about you.
     
    Hardboiled24, Mixtec and Matrix Intel like this.
  17. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    Be good to yourself. Whether or not you have a girlfriend, your most important responsibility is to be good to yourself.
    I think NoFap encourages us to be good to ourselves. Another way to put this is, you have to value yourself.
    I suffer from chronic depression as a result of feeling unwanted. Everyone deserves to feel loved and valued, but not everyone is blessed to be able to experience this, so the tendency to feel badly about themselves is common; but that doesn't mean it is right.
    We expect that if only someone could give us the love we need and deserve, that everything will be okay.
    It's the same thing that happens in fairy tales...ending happily ever after.
    We invest ourselves into living a fantasy, while forsaking reality.
    Reality is you are fine just the way you are. Depression or not.
    Treat yourself like you are just as good as anyone else...with or without a girlfriend. Because it's the truth.
    Practice being compassionate with yourself and that will spread out into other areas of your life and the world.
    I'm not really a practitioner of what I preach as much as I could be; but I am working on it.
    For me, at this point in my life, participating in these NoFap forums and abstaining from PMO is a manifestation of compassion for myself and others who are not unlike myself. It's an expression of love for myself and others.
    Compassion is my girlfriend, so my girlfriend will be compassion.
    I wish there was a physical incarnation of my love, but in lieu of the 'real thing', I can create a real love by practicing compassion.
    Just as an athlete practices his skills and improves his abilities in an artificial environment like practice or scrimmaging; we can improve our chances of winning at what some see as a game of love by practicing compassion.
    Real love is not a game. It's not really as simple as winning or losing, but being. That's why we say we want to BE in love.
    Immersing ourselves in the practice of compassion puts us into a situation to experience love, and make us able to make and have love in our lives.
    Be good to yourself. Be compassionate to yourself. Be love for yourself and you will have love for yourself. Do this often enough and we will find ourselves with love to spare and share; independent of the circumstances we may find ourselves.
    Invest in living a compassionate life and discover the love that is as available and ubiquitous as air.
    Life is love and love is life.
    Live love bro!
    Live the complete spectrum of love.
    Not just physical, emotional, romantic, platonic, or unconditional.
    Practice compassion to experience the totality and depths of love for yourself and others.
    Live love today and everyday no matter what!
     
    aps1991 and Freitas.P like this.
  18. My advice is to don't rely on a girlfriend. The fact that you're unhappy and depressed. Will you have a good relationship?
    Work on yourself, I know this is very difficult. And I really do understand you're feeling lonely.
     
    Freitas.P and Buddhabro like this.
  19. NF SINCE BIRTH

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

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    In order to succeed I believe you have to change your way of thinking on the most basic level. Depression is an illness, a mental disorder. People who are depressed fail to see how things really is. A set of thoughts follows the depressed person like for example what you mentioned: how am I supposed to find a gf when i dont have this and that, I dont feel accepted, nobody likes me etc. All of this are lies fabricated by your own mind but the depression itself makes these kind of thoughts seem logical. What you need to do is to replace your automatic negative thoughts by something more rational. Over time your perception of things will change.
     
    AlexDHRO and Buddhabro like this.
  20. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    Anyways, I've started trying again when it comes to nofap. Hopefully that with exercising and trying to be more positive will more helpfull than just going without MO for 50 and P for 111 days.
     

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