Nutorn
Fapstronaut
I need professional help, but I’m too ashamed to ask for it.
I’ve been trying to quit porn for over a couple months, however during this summer break my motivation to end all related to it increased. I deleted all my Twitter, Quora, Reddit and Instagram accounts which I used for masturbating myself; and also started to watch some motivation videos, joined this wholesome community, started a journal and I’ve been using a calendar to track my progress and relapses. This is a great start and I’m sure I’m on the right way, however I still find myself jerking it off even though I don’t want too anymore.
Yesterday it dawned upon me that I’ve already hit rock bottom because I found myself going to bed with the only desire to watch porn and masturbate, even though my mind and even my soul was telling me not to. I was tired, it was late, I wasn’t really excited about the idea and even having all these good thoughts on my mind I relapsed. Once I finished, I really wanted to cry. I wasn’t able to sleep, so I started to talk with myself and fell asleep while doing it. When I woke up, I thought that the bad feeling would go away but it didn’t, and I wanted to try so hard again.
I don’t masturbarte more that 4 times a month, it doesn’t have effects outside the bedroom, I don’t really watch that much porn. I drink enough water, I meditate, I go to the gym, read, sleep and eat well, take cold showers, plan my days ahead, study a lot, program and code, help others. I really thing I'm the best version of myself so far and my relationship whit porn may be not that bad as others in here, but it really harasses me and want to finally leave it behind.
I think I've already done everything I can by myself and that now I need someone else to help me, specially a professional in the topic. However, as I mentioned before, I'm a really good person and I think that talk about this with my mother will make her disappointed or idk. Also, therapies are expensive; my mother doesn't have that much money, and we would have to ask my father for money, and he is really conservative. We don't have the best relationship ever, so it also worries me a lot to come up with the bad news.
What or how should I do things? I really want to leave porn behind, but if I can postpone the therapy that would also be great, I think.
I’ve been trying to quit porn for over a couple months, however during this summer break my motivation to end all related to it increased. I deleted all my Twitter, Quora, Reddit and Instagram accounts which I used for masturbating myself; and also started to watch some motivation videos, joined this wholesome community, started a journal and I’ve been using a calendar to track my progress and relapses. This is a great start and I’m sure I’m on the right way, however I still find myself jerking it off even though I don’t want too anymore.
Yesterday it dawned upon me that I’ve already hit rock bottom because I found myself going to bed with the only desire to watch porn and masturbate, even though my mind and even my soul was telling me not to. I was tired, it was late, I wasn’t really excited about the idea and even having all these good thoughts on my mind I relapsed. Once I finished, I really wanted to cry. I wasn’t able to sleep, so I started to talk with myself and fell asleep while doing it. When I woke up, I thought that the bad feeling would go away but it didn’t, and I wanted to try so hard again.
I don’t masturbarte more that 4 times a month, it doesn’t have effects outside the bedroom, I don’t really watch that much porn. I drink enough water, I meditate, I go to the gym, read, sleep and eat well, take cold showers, plan my days ahead, study a lot, program and code, help others. I really thing I'm the best version of myself so far and my relationship whit porn may be not that bad as others in here, but it really harasses me and want to finally leave it behind.
I think I've already done everything I can by myself and that now I need someone else to help me, specially a professional in the topic. However, as I mentioned before, I'm a really good person and I think that talk about this with my mother will make her disappointed or idk. Also, therapies are expensive; my mother doesn't have that much money, and we would have to ask my father for money, and he is really conservative. We don't have the best relationship ever, so it also worries me a lot to come up with the bad news.
What or how should I do things? I really want to leave porn behind, but if I can postpone the therapy that would also be great, I think.