How can I become okay with my partner using weed?

S

some random dude3

Fapstronaut
I’m someone who doesn’t smoke weed for multiple reasons. I’ve had problems with it for a short while and my family has had family member that had problems with drugs. My girlfriend, on the other hand, used weed. This has been a problem in our relationship since we started dating. She stopped smoking for me for a while but asked if it was okay to start again. That has caused arguments between us. At one point I became so tired of arguing I eventually caved in. She told me she would let me know when she would and that it wouldn’t become frequently. I said it was fine. Fast forward 3ish months, everything is going fine until she goes to a graduation party. I didn’t want to go because I’m not someone who parties and I had work before the party. I had my suspicions that she was smoking before this party but it was later confirmed the day after. Long story short there was a miscommunication and she thought I didn’t want her to tell me. This caused a huge argument and I was very hurt. Anyways, fast forward to 2ish months later, we are staying the night at our aunts friends house. Our friends were on edibles and she said she was jealous. We went into a different room and in my tipsy state told her it was okay if she did it in front of me. I was also okay with it because she said she felt “more in control with her body” so it was fine with me. She told me she wouldn’t smoke in front of me so I didn’t feel weird which I appreciated. I told her I don’t like the fact she smoked but edibles are fine, which I still stand by. 3 days ago, she texted me telling me she was gonna take a gummy with her friends. Right then I got a pit in my stomach. Every time weed has been talked about my stomach would drop and I’d get weird. I wasn’t okay with my girlfriend doing it because I was concerned it would become something bad. Even though I told her edibles were okay, I still got a weird feeling in my stomach and got a bit upset. When I think of weed I think of my uncle who had a problem with drugs and my friends (the ones that use weed usually smoke everyday). That’s how I see people who use weed. I’ve tried to become okay with it but I keep getting upset and a weird feeling in my stomach.

today we talked about that and I’m not sure how that went. She’s pretty dry with me right now. I’m not sure if that’s because of that conversation or another heavy conversation we had before that.

i want to know if there’s anything anyone has done that has made them okay with their partner using weed. I’m really trying here but it doesn’t seem like anything is helping. All advice is appreciated, I’m all ears
 
You have a bad attitude towards weed which doesnt deserve that in my opinion. Because weed is a blessing for many reasons. So in my opinion if shes smoking not too frequently thats ok.
 
She might get warmer towards you if you relax your no grass demand. She may also lose respect for you not standing on principle. If you want to find out which it is, go for it.
 
Get her to stop smoking marijuana or expel her from your life permanently. Secondhand smoke from marijuana contains more toxins than tobacco and can kill in seconds.
 
It’s not a good habit to sacrifice your principles in order to please people. If she wants to smoke weed, and if that’s a deal breaker for you, then end it. I know people might think you’re being unreasonable, but at the same time, she’s picking smoking weed over you, so that seems unreasonable too.
 
You can explain your concern to her calmly and she might quit. It may get to the point where she can't eat or sleep without smoking beforehand and generally needs it to function. I've seen it happen before and it's not a pretty sight. However, if you can't get her to stop for her own health then it's probably best to leave. Weed is so normalized that a lot of people don't view it as a "drug" anymore, drawing parallels to porn. She probably won't change this view on a whim because it's ingrained into her belief system just like you dislike it.
 
Personally I wouldn't mind if she smoked it occassionally. But I don't smoke anymore nor do I want 2nd hand contact. I become different when I'm high. I would politely ask to do it outdoors if she really wanted to and refrain from using it when I'm near her. You need to set boundaries.
 
I have a few questions which may help clarify your thinking about this issue. Just go with me on this, and please don't feel that they're attacking in any way. Just consider it to be a thought experiment, and please don't feel obliged to reply to them. I truly think at least one of them will help you find an answer. Ok, here goes...

Does your girlfriends weed use resemble the problematic use of weed that your uncle and friends engage in? Or are you scared that it will develop into that?

Do you consider weed to be the same as all "drugs" and equal in effect and harm? Do you consider weed to be a gateway drug to harder substances?

Did you know she smoked weed before you entered into the relationship? Did you enter into the relationship with the belief/hope that you could get her to stop? Did you mutually agree that she would stop smoking weed as a condition of the relationship? Do you think it's possible for someone to change for someone else? Do you think it's reasonable to expect them to?

What hurts more:- That someone you care about is doing something you fear will harm them? That someone you care about is able to do something without developing a problematic attachment to it (and this is not the case for you)? That someone you care about said they would stop something, and then carried on?

If you're able to crystallise your own thinking about this issue, you'll be a lot closer to figuring out why this is a problem, who it's a problem for, and if you can ever be ok with it.

Wishing you all the best
 
On a Seinfeld episode Jerry broke up with a beautiful girl because she ate one pea at a time. Pick and chose your battles. Unless she's a chronic user of weed, I wouldn't care much about it. Ultimately she might find your arguments as being controlling and she will break if off.
 
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