How Can I Enjoy Single Life?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by aps1991, Aug 21, 2017.

  1. aps1991

    aps1991 Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    I'm tired of allowing the same uncertainties to hold me back whenever I meet a woman I'm attracted to:
    • Does she have boyfriend?
    • Does she feel attracted to me?
    • Will she never speak to me again if I express myself and she doesn't feel the same way?
    • Will she talk negatively about me to her friends because I've expressed myself and she doesn't reciprocate?
    I've tried cold approaching on the street in the past. I've recently tried focusing on getting to know women. But the anxiety remains. And I know that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take in life.

    Focusing wholly on my life purpose/career instead (which I'm working on anyway) will lead me to express myself to women even less because I won't put any effort in that area.

    As much as I try to enjoy my life my single-hood feels like an albatross around my neck that, despite my best efforts, I can't seem to resolve. The freedom is great, but the lack of sex isn't.

    It feels like however much I improve myself it's never enough to get what I want from life. I can't expect good things to fall into my lap, but people tell me that I'm trying too hard and should just relax. What am I meant to do!

    How do you enjoy single life when you have no female interest in you?

    Andrew
     
    vyndaloo likes this.
  2. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Andrew, I'm single and trying to focus on my career as well!

    Having abundance and focusing on self improvement has helped me.

    Abundance - If I get a number, I text but also look at chatting to other girls. Just don't put too much thought into one girl or girls in general when not looking. I also try online dating (although I gave that up for the moment as it's a personal trigger for P), and I also try speed dating occasionally which is not as bad as TV shows might have you believe haha.

    Self Improvement - You never know when you will come across a good genuine girl who's ready to date and likes you, BUT the more effort you put into improving yourself now will mean you're more ready when you meet a girl like that.

    If you focus on those 2 points then what you listed above shouldn't bother you as much. Hope that helps!
     
    NFThornhill, vyndaloo and aps1991 like this.
  3. aps1991

    aps1991 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your reply.

    How did you create female-interest abundance in your life? I've met so many more women, but my mind tells me that the context isn't appropriate for escalation (e.g. dancing, yoga). Online/speed dating/dating apps never worked for me in the past and seems to instigate a shopping list mentality on both sides, so I don't do it anymore. Any tips?
     
  4. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I think I look at it with a different perspective, so every time I get a smile or have a positive interaction with a girl, I count that towards boosting my confidence and abundance.

    So if I have 4 good conversations with women this week, then on the 5th one I might try flirting and see where that goes. If it goes well, great! If it doesn't, that was only 1/5 so it doesn't phase me too much. And if I do get a number or date, I don't stop looking (unless a relationship starts of course).

    I'm curious what makes certain situations inappropriate for escalation? If by escalation you mean flirting/asking for a number or date, then there's very few places that are inappropriate IMO :)

    Finally I definitely agree with shopping list mentality getting in the way for online dating. However on the speed dating events I tried it was very much in the present moment and many things like careers and other 'shopping list' items didn't come up in conversation.
     

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