How can i get my partner to stop?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Hotpotts, Jul 30, 2017.

  1. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

    75
    67
    18
    I have been with my man for nearly seven years. I believe he is addicted to PMO. He he has coveted this up so many times. We have good sex but not often enough for me. I know he is at least masturbating as it is very rarr he has an orgasm with me ( possibly only 5 percent of the time)I don't understand why he chooses this.
    What can i do to make him realise he's addicted? I confront him about it and he just denies it even though i know it's true. He's only ever admitted it once and we talked about it and things were better. I think he tries but then gives up after a week or two at most. I've even read Your brain on porn and then gave it to him to try and help but i don't think he has even read a word. The rest of our relationship is good . HELP!
     
  2. helpingmylove

    helpingmylove Fapstronaut

    7
    5
    3
    I showed mine 4 videos on YouTube regarding why porn is bad. Gotta help him realize he's harming himself.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. helpingmylove

    helpingmylove Fapstronaut

    7
    5
    3
    Check out TedTalks on porn on YouTube. Also YouTube: "porn addiction is a real thing".
     
    Hotpotts likes this.
  4. kattskagg

    kattskagg Fapstronaut

    127
    100
    43
    Yes, educating yourself in porn addiction is the best chance for inspiring him to do the same i believe! Those Ted talks videos gives great insights! Then he might understand why it's bad for your relationship and you will know why he's having these problems and choose porn before having more and better sex with you.

    You say he doesn't finish most of the times, and I'm sure it's because of excessive porn use. Stopping porn will surely make him want to have sex more often but if your sex drive is higher still, then you can't force him.

    Hope he will stop with the pornfapping!


    Kattskägg
     
    Hotpotts likes this.
  5. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Put him in a chastity belt as a last resort. I'm serious. Or hardcore porn blockers on his computer and phone.
     
  6. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    In severe fapping cases I have heard of spouses having their husbands put on work gloves while asleep
     
  7. Eauchiche

    Eauchiche Fapstronaut

    51
    38
    18
    Dear Hottpotts
    His PMO problem has likely been with him most of his life, way before he met you. It takes on a life of its own.
    Your desire to convince him that it is wrong is similar to trying to convince an alcoholic they should stop drinking.
    It might be helpful for you to attend a meeting like AlAnon, hopefully tailored for spouses of sex addicts.
    Good luck.
     
  8. kattskagg

    kattskagg Fapstronaut

    127
    100
    43
    And how does she make sure he keeps them on, glue? Haha!

    Should she put on an helmet backwards so he can't look at porn as well?


    Kattskägg
     
    JakeWoods likes this.
  9. I'd say the youtube videos would help. My guy knew he had an issue but is lazy about the educating himself part so I made him watch a few videos as well. It will at least show him that it's a real thing, he's not the only one and it can get better. Ultimately he has to WANT it though bc you honestly can't make him do it. There is a good TedTalks first video on the Your brain on Porn website.

    Maybe even ask him to seriously experiment with Rebooting to se if it improves your sex life. Like a challenge.

    Good Luck!
     
    Hotpotts likes this.
  10. JakeWoods

    JakeWoods Fapstronaut

    289
    512
    93
    Dude doesn't know how lucky he is, wish I had a girl who was willing to help me out of this dump, but gotta do it solo yo.

    Don't worry, if he carries on for long enough he will reach the point where he realises it's a problem, like every Porn user does. Will be better if you could help him see that sooner than later. Seems like you've already tried that and he's not interested.

    You could always block porn on everything. On all his devices. I know that's kind of a breach of privacy but trust me, I wish that Porn had been blocked for me when I was growing up. And if he even gets annoyed come back here and show him this message. "SHES DOING YOU A F***ing FAVOUR!"
     
    Hotpotts likes this.
  11. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Well if they have garden gloves or something with a rough interior on the palm let's just say stroking will not be plesant.
     
  12. kattskagg

    kattskagg Fapstronaut

    127
    100
    43
    Do you really believe that every porn user comes to that realization? I don't think so. And blocking might help, if he's doing it himself. If she makes a lot of restrictions he might trying to go around them don't you think?

    As I said, I believe in education about porn addiction for both parts. She should talk about how she feels and be supportive, but she can't force him, don't think that'll work.


    Kattskägg
     
  13. kattskagg

    kattskagg Fapstronaut

    127
    100
    43
    I'm sure some people are into that kind of stuff :)


    Kattskägg
     
  14. JakeWoods

    JakeWoods Fapstronaut

    289
    512
    93
    Yeah you're right. He has to want to do it.
     
  15. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    I said I've head of people doing it I'm not advocating. I think impulse control is better and way less painful.
     
  16. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

    75
    67
    18
    How did you approach this with him? Mine said to me he would read the book but was just telling me what i wanted to hear. Did you watch the videos together?
    I think he knows theres a problem but is just burying his head in the sand.
    I need my hand holding with this - finding it so hard to broach the subject without it becoming an arguement. Please can someone give me the right words to say?
     
  17. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

    75
    67
    18
    I possibly do have a higher sex drive. We had a summer when i wasnt working much and i dont thonk he had chance to fap. That summer he had more O with me than in the previous 2 years so i know it can happen. I was happy with that even though we werent necessarily having more sex. I think he may get to flatline stage but seed it then that he needs PMO to get over this.
     
  18. I did watch with him. The videos are fairly short. I'm not even sure he would have opened the videos on his own. He admitted he had an issue but whenever I asked if he was educating himself he said "he didn't have time" so I helped show him it doesn't take too much time to watch a quick video to gain some knowledge about this. I think it helped. I still don't think he educates himself enough but he is doing much better so I guess that's all I can ask at the moment. I see effort in other areas so I am not completely unhappy. He is over 60d PM clean.
     
    Hotpotts likes this.
  19. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

    75
    67
    18
    Its not while he is asleep. He makes efforts to finish work early to nip home to PMO. When he knew my password for sky he changed all the settings by going into my account. He denies he did this even thougj only me and him knew the password and i recieved an email to tell me the settings had just been changed while i was at work. He makes way more effort to PMO than to have sex with me. Ive tried everything - underwear, sending naughty pics, high heels, keeping fit, even suggesting watching porn together
     
  20. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

    75
    67
    18
    So there is hope? Sometimrs i feel like the only answer is to break up but i just dont want to as i know he loves me and i love him. I just need to be brave and do it.
    Glad to hear he has dedicated himself to you. I know i can satisfy him if given the chance, i love sex and would never normally refuse him. Should i back off and give him an ultmatum or refuse sex?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

Share This Page