1. Welcome to NoFap! Due to spam bots, we have temporarily disabled new accounts. Please check back in a few days. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

How can I get proof it's not still happening?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Jbird22, Jan 20, 2016.

  1. Jbird22

    Jbird22 Fapstronaut

    73
    21
    8
    its been two years since the confrontation and then a few times after realizing he was still doing it after he said he wasn't and still is just clearly saying what I want to hear-and I have come to the realization that I need proof, hard evidence going forward that he's not doing this anymore- I don't trust him and I can't move on from this unless I'm 100% sure he's done- slip ups are one thing but to just continue on when saying you're not doing because you know there's really no way I can find out- I can't do it, I'm done. Please help if you know a way I can know for sure that he's not doing it- if there's not a way...I just can't do it anymore.
     
    CdB likes this.
  2. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

    1,577
    1,562
    143
    Although I can't give you computer tricks on policing him, I'm telling you that I sympathize with you. Don't want to p1ss you off with the following either....
    I've been caught by the missus several times and the shame and stupefaction of being caught made me lie. Then I realize that was a losing battle and then I came into the open. Then I told her to stop trying to jump in the room real quick to gain evidences. Sure enough, if she wanted to see Porn or find me stroking it, she knew what to do...I started to leave a box of tissues by my computer, for my convenience.

    Me and her understood that PMO is the problem, its an addcition. I found this site and I post, and I discuss the topic with my wife. all in the open. I also watch explanatory videos with her, so she now understand that beyond the dirty habits/addiction, there is a human being being caught in an "unsuspected trap".

    To me, porn and PMO was a bad habit. Now, by reading on this site and educating myself, I find Porn dangerous for our future as males. Virtual reality and sex robots might very well trick many people into playing with themselves instead of "procreating".

    Also, I was caught in that way of life. At no point I stopped loving my wife because I was engaged in PMO. I was going thru the motions, just like a mindless robot.

    Go to "yourbrainonporn.com" and try to better understand what's behind his addiction. Maybe you are at the point of both going to talk to a therapist, so you can express how you feel better in front of a mediator of sorts.

    Validating whether he's doing it or not is not the point. You have, if you want to stay with him, to find a way to build up the trust level. He HAS to be able to convince you. He has to play fair.

    In my case, my word is my word. No lies to the missus. No sense hiding my habit. I was doing it, she knew it. Now, I just hope that stopping to PMO and have a better, healthier relation with real sex will help the wife accepting herself (she was hurting herself comparing to online P actresses) and get her a better libido (her lack of libido might IN PARTS caused by my addiction and disgust of me watching porn). But maybe her lower sex drive contributed to have me consuming more porn.

    In all cases, if you two want to be together, HE has to register on here, reboot, show you that he's fighting, that he's slowly getting better, and hopefully, you folks will get closer together. You might have to actively participate in his recovery, with compassion, love and understanding.

    The male brain is wired to procreate, have sex. More real sex and less stress, with the understanding that virtual sex is bad and damaging, will get him out of that trap he fell into.

    Trust me, we are not done talking about the damages of Porn, we are at the tip of the iceberg...the younger generation, born in front of a computer, will get hit HARD.

    hopefully it's food for thoughts for you, and no hurt done :oops:
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2016
    Mj1064 and about a girl like this.
  3. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

    991
    937
    93
    I guess it takes some trust.
    If he's returning to habits like staying up late or being secretive, deleting browser history... Those are clues.
    If it's still tearing you up after 2 years I'm guessing you are not seeing improvements in his behavior or in your relationship?
     
  4. Jbird22

    Jbird22 Fapstronaut

    73
    21
    8
    Hello-no offense at all, I've done all of the above and all he's done in two years is simply saying he's not doing it anymore but all the signs and symptoms are saying he is...so no, I don't and I won't trust him until I have actually proof in some way, I'm sick of the excuses and lies-done. So since he's not willing to show me he's taking actual steps then I need to somehow have proof at least on my end before I dissolve the family we've created -4 kids later...not an easy thing to do- I can't live like this anymore- just expected to take his word for it which clearly I now know has no credibility.
     
    CdB likes this.
  5. Jbird22

    Jbird22 Fapstronaut

    73
    21
    8
    Hello-no offense at all, I've done all of the above and all he's done in two years is simply saying he's not doing it anymore but all the signs and symptoms are saying he is...so no, I don't and I won't trust him until I have actually proof in some way, I'm sick of the excuses and lies-done. So since he's not willing to show me he's taking actual steps then I need to somehow have proof at least on my end before I dissolve the family we've created -4 kids later...not an easy thing to do- I can't live like this anymore- just expected to take his word for it which clearly I now know has no credibility.
     
  6. Jbird22

    Jbird22 Fapstronaut

    73
    21
    8
    thanks-you can see my reply to the other comment-
     
  7. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

    991
    937
    93
    Maybe he'll wake the f up when you do it.
     
    Mj1064 and CdB like this.
  8. DireMerl

    DireMerl Fapstronaut

    281
    508
    93
    Would he be open to a blocker? That would give you a certain ammount of piece of mind. Other than that, unfortunately you can't ever know for sure. Its up to you how many chances you give him. If you're not seeing any real desire to change then he's probably still in denial. Sometimes it takes rock bottom to realise that he's poisoning your relationship xx
     
    Mj1064 and CdB like this.
  9. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

    1,577
    1,562
    143
    Yea, seems like he might need a good old reality check....
     
    Mj1064 and CdB like this.

Share This Page