How can I stop being shy around women?

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I'm 19 years old, single, virgin, never had a girlfriend, I will admit that I am pretty confident in my hobbies, work, spiritual life and religious life, I am also pretty confident talking to men as well, but if I'm being honest I can't stop being shy around women (particularly bigger women.) Whenever they complement my looks I end up hiding my face because I don't want them to see me blush. I can barely start a conversation with one with out feeling my body temperature rise. I understand dating women requires an intense amount of confidence, and most (including fat women) do not see guys who are shy around them as attractive. Can you guys help me out?
 
I'm going to throw out a long term thing but I think it's also going to be the more substantial answer: Learn psychology. Learn enough to understand human behavior, just just with women though you can certainly do that, but I think anything that only accounts for being able to ask them out and that kind of stuff is going to be fairly short term. So if you want to start there, I'd just remind you there's more - and you'd be comfortable if you were thorough not just having some tricks or techniques up your sleeves.

And the thing is it really ends up being about you growing as a person. As you learn about what makes people tick you can observe people and yourself and develop self awareness, that makes a big difference.

The short term stuff make give you confidence about stuff like what you say in such and such a situation, understanding the mind will help you be confident as a person. Even being confident as a man is only a part of it, even if it is a big part your personhood is the complete deal.
 
Talk to women a lot. Start out with just plutonic conversations, you'll relax more if there's no motive to date or anything.

Then slowly add teasing to the conversations. There should be a mix of light 'banter' and more serious talk. Don't over think it though, it's just something that comes with practice.

And don't put women on a pedestal. Understand they're not perfect creatures, some have annoying habits, or are outright unpleasant to talk to, despite good looks. See them as individuals, the good and bad, and they'll be less scary to talk to.

Finally, it's good to have some nerves around a woman you like. It shows you are invested at some level. So to some degree, you don't want to get over it, just learn to act despite it!

So,
- practice a lot
- practice flirting
- keep it real
 
Dioplleo_547 said:
I'm 19 years old, single, virgin, never had a girlfriend, I will admit that I am pretty confident in my hobbies, work, spiritual life and religious life, I am also pretty confident talking to men as well, but if I'm being honest I can't stop being shy around women (particularly bigger women.) Whenever they complement my looks I end up hiding my face because I don't want them to see me blush. I can barely start a conversation with one with out feeling my body temperature rise. I understand dating women requires an intense amount of confidence, and most (including fat women) do not see guys who are shy around them as attractive. Can you guys help me out?
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Walk up to a girl you feel attraction towards. Ask her a question you are interested in hearing her answer. Listen to what she says and watch what she does. The more you do this the less time you will spend here looking for advice on how to talk to women.
 
You might also want to practice chilling out. Learn ho to control yours emotions through things like meditation and deep relaxation methods. When you mix those efforts along wtih stuff Reborn 16 said, you can chip away at the old anxious you and create a really strong and calm charatcer. Effort and patience is key to any change.

Best of luck. Fascinating post. Really like it! o_O
 
Dioplleo_547 said:
I'm 19 years old, single, virgin, never had a girlfriend, I will admit that I am pretty confident in my hobbies, work, spiritual life and religious life, I am also pretty confident talking to men as well, but if I'm being honest I can't stop being shy around women (particularly bigger women.) Whenever they complement my looks I end up hiding my face because I don't want them to see me blush. I can barely start a conversation with one with out feeling my body temperature rise. I understand dating women requires an intense amount of confidence, and most (including fat women) do not see guys who are shy around them as attractive. Can you guys help me out?
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You actually sound like a very decent young man! You don't seem to have any problems with your self-esteem, you look good inside and outside. The problem I see is that you consider women to be a different ... species from men. We are all people. Treat women like you treat men. (And blushing is in a way appealing. It shows innocence and purity of heart. I (I'm 58/straight) appreciate a lot more a blushing young person than a macho, know-it-all,I-consider-myself-to-be-an-alpha-male person...)

Be yourself man. I see a bright future awaiting for you!
 
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CAKCy said:
You actually sound like a very decent young man! You don't seem to have any problems with your self-esteem, you look good inside and outside. The problem I see is that you consider women to be a different ... species from men. We are all people. Treat women like you treat men. (And blushing is in a way appealing. It shows innocence and purity of heart. I (I'm 58/straight) appreciate a lot more a blushing young person than a macho, know-it-all,I-consider-myself-to-be-an-alpha-male person...)

Be yourself man. I see a bright future awaiting for you!
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If I am being honest It's not that I view women as a different species but I have always noticed a polarity between men and women.
 
Dioplleo_547 said:
If I am being honest It's not that I view women as a different species but I have always noticed a polarity between men and women.
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If by "polarity" you mean that women think and act differently than men then I will disagree with you. I'm not sure how many women (and of what ages) you had the chance to meet and exchange thoughts and ideas with, by now, but my experience says that we are not as different as you think. Of course men (in their majority) are attracted by women and vice-versa but that doesn't make us different. We are part of the same species in nature with a different role to play.
 
females love to laugh an be entertained i suggest dressing like clown learning some gold clown tricks an approaching woman in public dressed as clown an just perform some tricks you dont have to say anything the reactions well be awsome
 
CAKCy said:
If by "polarity" you mean that women think and act differently than men then I will disagree with you. I'm not sure how many women (and of what ages) you had the chance to meet and exchange thoughts and ideas with, by now, but my experience says that we are not as different as you think. Of course men (in their majority) are attracted by women and vice-versa but that doesn't make us different. We are part of the same species in nature with a different role to play.
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Well by polarity I am not just talking behavioral differences I am also talking about biological differences between men and women as well. The best example of a difference in biology is the fact that women can get pregnant, men cannot. Perhaps this is a difference of perspective but something I have noticed that in terms of behaving and thinking differently is hobbies. Here is an example; I could be wrong but something I've noticed is that women seem to care more about fashion than men do (there's a reason 95% of fashion magazines are marketed to women) Yes, there are some men who care about fashion but that's the exception and not the rule I wouldn't say fashion is my thing but I'm more concerned about what I'm doing than what other people are doing.
 
Dioplleo_547 said:
Well by polarity I am not just talking behavioral differences I am also talking about biological differences between men and women as well. The best example of a difference in biology is the fact that women can get pregnant, men cannot. Perhaps this is a difference of perspective but something I have noticed that in terms of behaving and thinking differently is hobbies. Here is an example; I could be wrong but something I've noticed is that women seem to care more about fashion than men do (there's a reason 95% of fashion magazines are marketed to women) Yes, there are some men who care about fashion but that's the exception and not the rule I wouldn't say fashion is my thing but I'm more concerned about what I'm doing than what other people are doing.
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Fine! Women get pregnant, men don't. Women care about fashion, men don't. Men care about cars, women don't. Men care about football, women don't. So... what's the difference? Ask yourself why these "differences" between the genders make YOU act or feel differently? Why a woman (who can get pregnant or care about fashion) makes you feel reserved and shy? Trust me, they are not there to eat you and probably some won't even notice you (if you are not their type). Deep breath and go right through them is if you walked in a room full of men! Talk to them as if you would talk to a genderless human being. Flirting may be a bit more tricky (because you have interest in the person you are talking to) but that can be mastered too. Just be polite and don't buy any of the "alpha male" BS. Every man I met who claimed to be an "alpha male" was nothing more than a delusional idiot.
 
CAKCy said:
Fine! Women get pregnant, men don't. Women care about fashion, men don't. Men care about cars, women don't. Men care about football, women don't. So... what's the difference? Ask yourself why these "differences" between the genders make YOU act or feel differently? Why a woman (who can get pregnant or care about fashion) makes you feel reserved and shy? Trust me, they are not there to eat you and probably some won't even notice you (if you are not their type). Deep breath and go right through them is if you walked in a room full of men! Talk to them as if you would talk to a genderless human being. Flirting may be a bit more tricky (because you have interest in the person you are talking to) but that can be mastered too. Just be polite and don't buy any of the "alpha male" BS. Every man I met who claimed to be an "alpha male" was nothing more than a delusional idiot.
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Yeah, both sexes have their passions so that does make sense. I don't know how to talk to women as the same as men because although men are great to talk to, I am not sexually attracted to them I am however sexually attracted to women but the thing is I am a bit of a Gynephobe (someone who fears women but holds no contempt or prejudice against them.) In all honesty I've been Gynephobic since I was a young boy. But I feel as if I am a hypocrite for it, I want a woman in my life but I turn into a complete nervous wreck around them. If women give me complements I blush and hide my face if women touch me I get b*n*rs I know this because it has happened to me. I know It's pathetic isn't it?
 
Dioplleo_547 said:
Yeah, both sexes have their passions so that does make sense. I don't know how to talk to women as the same as men because although men are great to talk to, I am not sexually attracted to them I am however sexually attracted to women but the thing is I am a bit of a Gynephobe (someone who fears women but holds no contempt or prejudice against them.) In all honesty I've been Gynephobic since I was a young boy. But I feel as if I am a hypocrite for it, I want a woman in my life but I turn into a complete nervous wreck around them. If women give me complements I blush and hide my face if women touch me I get b*n*rs I know this because it has happened to me.
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When I was a couple of years younger than you I couldn't dance a slow dance with a woman because of the same reason. At the age of 18 my facial hair didn't even start showing. Girls in my class thought of me as a much younger boy and I liked older people because they were a lot more mature than my peers. I know the feelings you describe because I've been through them myself. Give yourself a break. Forget about women for a while and focus on daily life. You are stressing too much over nothing. Please trust me. You have absolutely nothing to worry about and you are going to have plenty of women in your life. (And please stop labeling yourself. It takes a lot more for someone to be a Gynephobe. You are NOT. You are just a shy person AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!). Feel free to PM me if you need to discuss something in private.
 
{Ananta} said:
females love to laugh an be entertained i suggest dressing like clown learning some gold clown tricks an approaching woman in public dressed as clown an just perform some tricks you dont have to say anything the reactions well be awsome
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I do not have the confidence to dress like a clown, and never will in all honesty.
 
{Ananta} said:
the thrill of clowning up is no one well know its you
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And even if they do... WHO CARES? Dressing like a clown is not a crime, it's not immoral, it's not unethical. It's a proof that one has the guts and the self-esteem to do it!

We have a shyness to beat here!!!
 
Am I the only one who has problem connecting with people in general?
I don't feel much difference with men or women, either case my ability to talk to people has been hindered by pmo.
 
becomingreat said:
Am I the only one who has problem connecting with people in general?
I don't feel much difference with men or women, either case my ability to talk to people has been hindered by pmo.
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Tip of advice: You'd get a lot more replies if you posted a new thread with your question as more people would get to see it.

What do you mean by "connecting"?
 
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