how come a lot of young males are into this "i'm waiting for the special one thing"?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by phwrancesco, May 30, 2018.

  1. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    don't you think that this "i'm virgin because i'm looking for the special one" is like a social evil?

    i read about a lot of young males masturbating everyday but remaining virgin because of this.
    Personally i just think is fear of sex or women.

    bump what you think
     
  2. Ageen

    Ageen Fapstronaut

    I don't think that this is an argument with a single right answer.

    While it is true that being intimidated by women or sexual acts is probably one of the reasons, expressing it in a blunt manner in a forum where people come to seek comfort about their sexual problems can be a little problematic.

    There are many cultural and social parameters that can effect a young males sex life. Some cultures still aren't approving of premarital sex or maybe their partner (regardless of age, gender or love in between) might not be ready. If we, as a society, keep imposing age limits or social labels for sexual behavior, sexual liberation might counter-actively enslave some people.

    Plus even if someone is intimidated by sex or women in general, it's not a problem that they can overcome just because they know they are afraid. It's the job of a therapist to diagnose such a problem and help them overcome it.
     
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  3. immadothis

    immadothis Fapstronaut

    so if I debunk that sentence, it means, "I don't want to use women for sex, I want to meet a women I actually can have a relationship with', I think people see virginity or losing that or sex, society overrates it, you be fine either way

    what really matters, is getting your stuff done in your daily life
     
  4. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    of course it is,
    but don't you think are just excuses? of course i'm talking about people who lives in countries that allows to citizens to live sexual life freely.
     
  5. immadothis

    immadothis Fapstronaut

    mmh idk man, if someone wants to do it, he will do it, if he doesn't he won't, there lots of people going to prostitutes, losing their virginity, So I don't think it's an excuse but it can be, 'context matters'
     
  6. pcmaster

    pcmaster Fapstronaut

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    Well sure if someone M and then dont want to have sex because waiting for special someone its rather because they see sex as a bad thing and they dont need it since they reselasing themselves. I think M is bad in their subconcious but they transfer that bad to sex, and keep Ming cause its easy and available but escape sex cause its scary and new.

    Sure having sex just for sex with anywho is shallow and pointless. But M is not an answer either. better would be look for deep relationship while having hard mode streak. In the end it might not sex after marriage but someone who you really like and feel comfortable with so why not.
     
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  7. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Or they masturbate because society keeps telling you that when you don't get off, you will transfer your sexual energy to some sort of aggression. Medicine still fails to acknowledge the potential harm of masturbation. I don't think this necessarily has to be related to a person's attitude towards actual sex, and pathologizing won't help, either. It is different when you're talking about a friend you know well, but as you state you just read about these young males be careful before judging someone you don't. Moreover, "fear of sex or women" can also be a symptom of a general social anxiety, i.e. not even be related to sex.
     
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  8. Here2learn17

    Here2learn17 Fapstronaut

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    Virginity does get overblown if that’s what you mean. I’m sure it can be a special moment for some but everyone I knew including myself said it was pretty bad and mostly awkward and very brief the first time. And to have any expectations beyond that in my own opinion is probably counter productive. Honestly “get it over with” isn’t the worse possible way to look at it for some people as long as it’s safe sex. Then at least you can check it off your list and move on with your life and look for something real. Just my two cents.

    It does seem to me this fascination with virginity is part of what leads to sex addiction. And people on average in the US are starting to lose their virginity later later as the years go on.

    The only people I knew that said that and acctually meant it were deeply religious people. People who think hell awaits them if they don’t do what their scripture says. That’s fine with me. I don’t care what other people believe as long as it’s good for them.

    It’s certainly not always good for them as can be seen by high Suicide rates in American rural areas. And as I know personally from struggling with growing up in a very religious rural area.

    So it’s probably an excuse for some who just lack the confidence or social skills to convince a girl to have sex with them. For some it’s their religion to do that. And for the rest, we’ll, they don’t say that. They say I want to have sex as soon as possible. Just hadn’t happend yet.

    I don’t think it’s ever fear of sex or women. Fear of rejection definitely but that’s a very different thing.
     
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  9. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Because the first time usually sucks it is best to do it in a relationship, so you can learn together how the experience enhances. How beautiful is it to look back on that together? Otherwise you would just be using the other person.
    Do you have statistics to support your claim? But even if it was that way, it doesn't have to be because of some mystification of virginity, but could as well be because the internet and unstable familiy relations increases social anxiety, and porn numbs young (mostly) men's libido. It is hard to estimate all the connections and causalities. As I said above, do not jump to quick conclusions.
    So you think people kill themselves because they suppress their sex drives?

    Well... it's interesting as your perspective is coming from growing up in an American rural religious area. In middle Europe (where I am coming from), religion to this extent hardly exists anymore, plus I am from the city. We have two very different measures, obviously!
     
  10. Here2learn17

    Here2learn17 Fapstronaut

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    I agree it would be best to do it in a relationship for some people. Granted the intention behind it is love and frienship. I know from my personal experience being a young person. At 20 years old I cared more about having sex than I did love or truly caring for anyone.

    But it’s a bit of a double edged sword. If you jump into a relationship with the main focus on your mind being sex that’s certainly no healthier than just hooking up for the first time. I would argue less healthier as you would be dragging someone else into your desires who you don’t really care for. All I’m saying on that is there is a spectrum of right anwsers when it comes to the right time or way to lose your virginity depending on someone’s personal situation.



    https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=189581

    I think teens are having sex later because of less and less social connection. Everyone seems to live online nowadays, view more porn at younger ages, go to less parties, on less dates etc.

    So that means young people now day have more obstacles inbetween them and sex and also just a longer time to think about it.


    I don’t think people kill them selves from repressing their sex drives. I think people kill themselves because they don’t know how to deal with their pain. Everyone around them tells them to give their heart to Jesus and he will take their pain away. They feel confused by that and feel it doesn’t make any sense and when they try to do it they still feel their pain, but then also feel alienated from basically everyone they know. Then they kill themself.

    And I would argue a lot
    of the deaths from opiod addiction which are extremely high in the rural US right now are also linked to this problem.
     
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  11. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    i don't think society is to blame. We all are here without nobody help :)
     
  12. Bijuu107

    Bijuu107 Fapstronaut

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    I,m thinking , it could be realy excuses because people are often scared and never had a relationship before.
     
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  13. SilentJay313

    SilentJay313 Fapstronaut

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    In my case, the reason why I'm waiting for the right person is because of the fact that I don't want to find myself stuck in a situation where I am the father of a kid and i don't even like the person I got pregnant. Apparently single mothers are still a huge issue in places similar to where I live, and I don't think that i would be able to forgive myself if I put myself in that position. Especially when you hear that women in these situations keep the man away from the kids when he actually wants to be there for them. Unfortunately my dad was in this situation which really sucks for him. I have a half brother who i never met, and his mother kept my dad from him just because she wanted to. He used to send him clothes and toys when he was younger, but his mother would throw away anything he sent. And not only that, the child support system is a pain in the ass in my opinion as well, since it wasn't until around 4-6 years ago when my dad didn't have to worry about the state of Alabama taking cash out of his paycheck. Not only that but apparently because I'm a virgin (and a nerd/geek, and a skater), there's a lot of negative views on being that and being African American as well.

    Apparently since I'm not the stereotype of what a black guy should be, other black people people see me as a "sell out" or a "Uncle Tom". To top that off because I'm a virgin and not actively looking for sex from a woman, people automatically think that you most likely are gay. In my opinion, this is extremely annoying and insulting since unfortunately I've been constantly bombarded with the question for years.

    So anyways, in my case it would be better for me to be in a relationship with woman who has common interests and is a person who i would care about as a person. You just can't trust a person because of a cute face if she's an evil, bitter, and rude bitch on the inside. But of course that doesn't apply to all women.
     
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  14. pcmaster

    pcmaster Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man I know how it is - people think you are gay when you are not interested in girls much. That wouldn't worry me but sucks that even close people who knew you all you life starts to think you are gay.

    Still, since you start dating interest in girls can spike up and later you can find out that sex is not a big deal as it seemed. But I agree it have to be with girl you like. Someone you feel comfortable with and get along with.
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2018
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  15. positivefunction

    positivefunction Fapstronaut

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    I use it as an excuse for myself to not feel bad. If I could get girls, I would probably do all of them.
     
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  16. Captain Rex

    Captain Rex Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I really don't get it. I don't get it because why would you wait if you don't know when you'll ever meet that "special one". Just like @Bijuu107 said, it's most likely because they fear being in a relationship which I totally agree with.
     
  17. Sardonic

    Sardonic Fapstronaut

    I could analyze the reason I'm a virgin, but it wouldn't change anything. The word that comes to mind is "frigid" and that word became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

    As far as "waiting for the special one" I have no idea. I tend to have these overblown crushes but never act upon them. My subconscious decides they are "that special someone" but I do not act on it as I still have a PMO-centric approach, or at least used to. As far as thread title goes it is different for everyone, and if you can figure yourself out you can take steps to change.
     

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