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How come I rarely see guys doing cold approaches?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by ArtPoet21, Mar 19, 2023.

  1. ArtPoet21

    ArtPoet21 Fapstronaut

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    I think I saw one dude doing a cold approach at Barnes and Nobles the other day. That was it, that was all the cold approaches I've seen a dude make in a long time. Yes, can see it happening in bars and night clubs. But you don't see it happening quite often during the day in certain places like bookstores, parks and coffee shops.

    I've always been a loner and an introvert, who relies on doing cold approaches........maybe those guys relies more on their social circle to meet people. Am I right?
     
  2. EightDalla

    EightDalla Fapstronaut

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    I do cold approach - it works. Plus I hate dating apps
     
    FormerLeatherneck likes this.
  3. I like to think that the term "cold approach" is a more politically-correct way of saying sexual harrassment.

    But at the same time I am a loner and introvert myself as well, despite being out in public a lot of the time because of school and work. I have been considering trying one but at the end of the day I am not really willing to risk it.
     
    onceaking likes this.
  4. ArtPoet21

    ArtPoet21 Fapstronaut

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    Where you from? Are you in a place where people are likely to accuse each other of sexual harrassment?

    Where I'm from here in South Texas, it's just being friendly and building up a connection.
     
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  5. I am from a small town in Illinois, I am unsure how often people accuse each other of sexual harrassment, but the rules at my college are vague, I don't pursue relations at work because I am not drawn to the women who work there, and also starting work place relationships seems to be more of a headache than it's worth.

    There is a lot of wild stuff that happens here (mostly at night.) But I can't blame the women for being too careful. But IL seems to be far less trusting than South Texas. But then again everyone (In Texas) gets guns so that could serve as an incentive to get along.
     
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  6. EightDalla

    EightDalla Fapstronaut

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    Um
    it’s a generally good idea not to start relationships at work.
    However cold approach is not sexual harassment. You have to strike up a conversation, and be sensitive to the other person to see if there is any interest.. you also how to say something interesting and make a connection..

    you don’t come out and say derp derp can i have sex with you or something cringe.. after you build some level of comfort in the convo and interest is confirmed you make a suggestion for something to do or exchange.. if she’s interested you can exchange numbers..

    sexual harassment is to press someone with sexual overtures or physical contact without their consent.

    what i described above has nothing to do with that. What do you think?
     
  7. FormerLeatherneck

    FormerLeatherneck Fapstronaut

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    I used to cold approach, but not anymore. Now I only deal with women with some gauge of attraction confirmation first.
     
  8. ArtPoet21

    ArtPoet21 Fapstronaut

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    Are you a prior Marine?
     
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  9. FormerLeatherneck

    FormerLeatherneck Fapstronaut

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    Yes, prior active duty.
     
  10. ArtPoet21

    ArtPoet21 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your service, I'm sure you did NoFap in some form or another while you were in bootcamp and active duty.
     
    FormerLeatherneck likes this.
  11. Spirituss

    Spirituss Fapstronaut

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    I do cold approach in France. and it really works. I started doing it at 20 and i'm 25 now. Women love it, and I feel good about myself. I think it plays an important role in understanding others and saying the right things at the right time.
     
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  12. EightDalla

    EightDalla Fapstronaut

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    how do you get the opportunity to gauge attraction if you don't approach them?
     
  13. FormerLeatherneck

    FormerLeatherneck Fapstronaut

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    If she holds your stare or smiles back at you if you smile at her, that’s possible attraction confirmation. That’s the time to go meet her and introduce yourself and that is no longer a “cold” approach.
     
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  14. New Horizon

    New Horizon Fapstronaut

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    That's my rules, play it safely play it politely If she opened her smile then that's green light to to approach.
     
  15. EightDalla

    EightDalla Fapstronaut

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    Ah okay i consider that still cold but I see what you mean.
     
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  16. Redemptionisrequired

    Redemptionisrequired Fapstronaut

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    Likely a portion of people try to meet others through their social circle

    Also, I think it's not an accident with porn addiction being on the rise, that men are comfortable with their virtual girlfriend(Onlyfans, Cam girls and relationships of that nature).

    They likely think approaching a random girl and having a conversation is not worth it and they are likely too terrified to try.

    Reading some of the responses to your post, highlights part of the problem. When someone views striking up a conversation with a stranger, akin to sexual harassment..well that's a big issue. Regardless from where you are from. That means that there is a fundamental basic conversational skill missing in their life and a misguided notion as to what sexual harassment is. The "Me too" movement may have impacted this view as well.
     
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  17. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    About a year ago in my country, a police officer was found to have raped and then murdered a woman. After that all these women contacted the media, saying how uncomfortable they were when men came near them in public, let alone talked to them. Such women might be a minority but I reckon there's around a 50/50 per cent chance I'll be accused of sexual harassment if I talk to a woman in public. Seems to me if a woman accuses you of sexual harassment your life is pretty much over. Police are likely to arrest you. Doesn't matter if there's no evidence to back up the accusation, a woman accusing you is the only 'evidence' they need. Even if you're not found guilty for many people being accused of something means you did it.

    And even if the woman doesn't accuse you of anything she might be annoyed, I know I would be if some random woman went up to me and started talking to me. When I go out for a walk or go shopping I'm not wanting random people coming up and talking to me. If I wanted someone to talk to me I would go to a social event.

    I think dating apps are better. People on it are wanting to talk to people. Sure, there's some scammers out there but if you're smart you won't fall for their tricks.
     
  18. InappropriateUsername

    InappropriateUsername Fapstronaut

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    It's the tech bro. Apps are what everybody seems to use. I think most guys don't do the cold approach b/c they do it via Tinser, Instagram, Snap etc. Having that intermediary takes the pressure off.

    I dated in the pre--app (shit pre-highspeed data) age. Cold approach was really the only approach.
     
  19. I like the ability to keep my public life seperate from my private life (I deleted all of my 85% of my social media accounts for the same reasons and to me my life has become more meaningful.) So I already had a good feeling about not dating at work. That being said however, I am still a bit iffy on the whole cold approach, it seems like a good way for women to view you as a threat more than anything else. But this could also just be me losing my grip on reality. I honestly agree with you about using sexual overtures to torment people and touch them without consent. Yeah, I guess it does make sense to conversate with women in order to get to know them on a deeper level. So I don't think what you are talking about has anything to do with it.
     
  20. Thank you for reminding me why I thought like I was losing my grip on reality. Because nimrods who are narcissistic and want to play "the victim card" for attention or power. Keep doing shit like this. This is also why I stay in my zone at college too and talk to nobody and contribute absolutely nothing to my class conversations. Because I refuse to let all my hard work go to waste because I shared "wrong think" or I was percieved doing something wrong to a woman. Yeah there's a safe space to talk about my fe fes and play with coloring books or playdough to take my mind off things. But there's this thing that is 100x easier, it's called keeping my thoughts to myself.
     

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