How do I avoid porn

Meditation. It is the single most powerful habit for learning emotional regulation.

 

I am confusing , can you please tell me how to meditate? And in what?

 

Sometimes I think we have to step back and not give porn the power. It's hard at first. I'm not exactly the master of it myself. Sometimes I give porn the power to persuade my decisions. Porn isn't a dark force hiding in the bushes to attack. It's a decision I make. And times I feel powerless. Times my mind roams out of control. They say with meditation you can learn to control your mind.

 

The point of meditation for emotional regulation is basically to train the mind to not get lost in the emotions we feel. So, you set your timer for 5 minutes, sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and simply direct your awareness to your breathing. Take full, deep breaths and then exhale slowly. Just keep your focus on the process of breathing for the 5 minutes.

What you'll find is that this is very difficult to do! Your mind will wonder off on some distracting thought, 5 minute will go by and you'll realize you barely focused on your breath. This is basically how our addictions and thought patterns control us. They control what we focus on simply because we aren't aware of what we are focusing on for most of the time. Meditation teaches us to take back control. The more you do it the more quickly you'll notice you aren't focusing on the breath, so you accept whatever thoughts or feelings you're having without judgement, and calmly return to the breath. Don't shame yourself or judge yourself ever for, "wasting," a meditation by being stuck in thoughts. There is no wasted meditation because as long as you keep doing it you will get better. And don't judge yourself if you start judging yourself!

Now we return to normal life with a new skill. When we start feeling an urge or some negative emotion we simply say, "I accept this feeling," and return our focus to whatever we were doing. The more you do it the better you will get. Start at 5 minutes and slowly work your way up to 20 minutes. The key is always consistency, but a 20 minute meditation will be more effective than 5 minutes. If you find yourself slacking on it, drop the time back down and work up again. Over the course of your life you will find that you want to meditate longer and longer. I usually spend an entire hour meditating at least once a week.

 

Thank you man I appreciate that, but have gotten the benefits from meditation? Like controlling your self to not watch P ?

 

Absolutely. I'm more emotionally and mentally healthy than I've been my entire life and yet I still relapse every so often. I haven't been over 25 days in over a year. There are a lot of things I credit that to, but meditation and its various forms are certainly one of them.

 

I got into meditation last year, with the mantra and breathing. I learned transcendental meditation years ago. That being said I had problems with it because the lustful thoughts wanted to invade. Of course they pass like any other thought, you can't get attached. Just come back to your breathing and mantra. But it didn't work for me. I'm thinking a guided meditation with a speaker is more effective for a more disciplined approach.

 

Question,
Is it best to meditate immediately if the uncontrollable porn urge is already on you? For me it usually does help to practice my mind before the urge comes.

 

You should not distinguish between meditation and daily life. Sitting down and saying "I'm going to practise meditation" is something that can help you in daily life. But the point is that it supports your practice of mindfulness. It's not like you do this mysterious thing called meditation for so many minutes a day and it has some kind of mysterious effect. You transform your own mind. It's completely direct. The practice and the effect are one and the same thing. You are taking complete responsibility for yourself at all times. So you don't have to suddenly go and sit cross-legged (although maybe it's not a bad idea if it gets you away from the screen). In daily life, try to always come back to your physical body and senses. Notice how your body feels and what you are seeing, hearing, smelling and touching. Staying in your senses will break the cycle of repetitive thoughts. You should aim to be like this all the time.

 

I have to say I do not understand the meditation thing but I am happy if it works for people. However, I find that actively getting yourself out of situations has worked best for me. So if I'm o my laptop or phone and I'm tempted I'll leave it, and walk away to talk to someone or do something that keeps me busy. The urges usually go away eventually. With the mental stuff, I count to 5 repeatedly while mentally visualizing the numbers. Sometimes I count out loud too when I'm alone. It's helped me try to clear my mind of unwanted thoughts. Of course it'll still be difficult but the nofap process has ups and downs. Just fight through them.