How do I change my gay/homosexuality status to normal back?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by AnmysUser18312, Nov 19, 2018.

Is there a way to change from gay to normal/cure it?Can I marry woman and have children if I am gay?

  1. You can marry and have children even if you are gay.

    8 vote(s)
    20.0%
  2. Homosexuality can be cured.

    18 vote(s)
    45.0%
  3. You cannot change/cure your sexual orientation (gay/homosexuality).

    12 vote(s)
    30.0%
  4. No, both are not possible.

    2 vote(s)
    5.0%
  1. AnmysUser18312

    AnmysUser18312 Fapstronaut

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    This is my story of sexual attraction in my life. It all started when I was attracted by a tall man who came to install Internet connection for my house the first time, when I was 7 years old that time. I was amazed by his height. That was the beginning of my sexual life. (Yes, you didn't read it wrong, I'm a male and attracted by this man) Surprising, isn't it? I am never attracted/interested to any women/girl/female and I never masturbated on any women/female before. Whenever I look at women/pictures of them, I think my penis seem to shrink. Not very sure... After that, I had naughty thoughts such as "wow, that man is so tall", then I started to fantasize about my own body and wanted to be tall like him too. Then I jumped at school during recess time to try to achieve that goal. I seem to have naturally have the knowledge of masturbating then later and later I discovered the act of it. So, one day, after kept thinking of such dirty thoughts, my hand held my penis and keep moving it up and down and at the end felt some pleasure. It felt like so fun/nice, so I continued doing this act of masturbating (just like everyone else). This is how I began masturbating.

    Let me try to be simple here on what's come next: over the time, I have been masturbating/sexually attracted or aroused to stuff like: "my own body parts after I look at my own body and learnt about it", "my face with clear skin that time/no scars", "my legs with nice skin and I'm proud of its current height", "my arms skin", basically my own body (male body). Later, as time passes, I seem to be attracted to see any boy/men, especially those as the same race as me, including my self, and have dirty thoughts on their/my own body parts. The naughty thoughts would usually be "wow, their skin is so clear/nice, no scars, their teachers/parents didn't slap/beat/pinch them before", etc. I would masturbate on these. This is my main sexual attraction. Over the years until now, the dirty thoughts would be "about my own body not getting beaten, slapped,pinched by parents/classmates/teachers/etc., lack of scars as seen on my visible body parts like arms, palm", "my face is never slapped", etc..

    Before doing NoFap, I used to download photos of many pictures of many teenagers boy and adult men of same race as me that I come across online (including Facebook) and saved them into a folder and masturbate on them. I also have dirty thinkings such as wishing myself 100% no scars on all body parts/never get beaten/etc.

    One thing weird is, why my brain seems to be not interested/attracted by any people of the opposite gender(woman) but it's instead attracted to/masturbate on stuff like that (related to/everything that I mentioned/described in the paragraph(s) above)? May I know whether it's normal or not? I get horny and get sexual/naughty/dirty thoughts only related to men/or my own body. I suspect I am maybe gay (or probably even born like that). Do you think the description as stated is considered as gay? If yes, can it be cured/healed/gay conversion? Is it a psychological problem? If so, will I ever be able to get a girlfriend, marry a woman and have children in the future when I'm an adult even if I am gay?
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2018
  2. You said you have never really been attracted to women, yeah? Well, in that case, old chap, you are gay.

    That ain’t a problem; the problem is you seem to feel ashamed about it, as if it were something bad or immoral. But if this is who you are, you cannot be ashamed. I’m telling you to embrace this aspect of yourself, give it a go, experiment. This doesn’t mean you should go out and suck a thousand cocks by tomorrow night.

    And for God’s sake, abstain from pornography immediately.
     
  3. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    If you were doubtful about the thing, i would tell you just to stop porn completely and wait for 6 months\1 year to see, but you say you have always been attracted to man, and that you don't like women, so it looks like it's you natural orientation.

    But i'm no expert, try anyway to abstain from pmo for that period and see what happens.
     
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  4. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    Real life is the only way to find out. I started off masturbating to women but over time would only jerk off to the thought of me being a woman having sex with some muscular black porn actor or dudes with big genitals (sissy fetish).
    Nowadays I do have trouble getting an erection looking at pictures of gorgeous women. But I've always liked women and always will. And do get erections being with a woman in real life. So fantasy doesn't mean shit. What matters is who you're attracted to in real life, get erections or butterflies for in real life, not in your head in front of a pc. If the answer is still men, if you feel butterflies thinking about men in a non sexual way, then you could indeed be gay, and that's not anything you could change.

    Fantasy is never the answer, because it's what has brought us here in the first place. You wouldn't be the only one with a (gay) fetish if you were straight. What gender attracts you more in the street, or watching a movie or something? Get any crushes?
     
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  5. end_it_for_good

    end_it_for_good Fapstronaut

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    if you've never been attracted to women and only to men...probably gay.
    Trying to "pray the gay away" or whatever won't work. Look it up, those organizations folded. The mental diagnosis of homosexuality got removed. People realized it's just normal. Some people are gay. I life in SF. There are a lot of happy gay dudes. You might be happy too
     
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  6. Buzz Rees

    Buzz Rees Fapstronaut

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    From what I'm reading... You're gay, and you've got some issues. Those two are not mutually exclusive. nor are they the same. You can't do anything about the former, and that's fine. You can live a good, fulfilled life as a gay man. No big deal. The latter, you might want to address. All that stuff about slapping and pinching and scars... sounds like your upbringing was kind of rough, if not brutal? Addressing your shame and fear, ideally through some form of therapy might be a good idea.

    And in many civilised countries, gay people can marry and adopt or foster, so if your long term priority in life is having a family, I would say that this is not unattainable. And you don't need a woman for it.
     
  7. Trafalgar Law

    Trafalgar Law Fapstronaut

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    With due respect:

    You should think about what your tittle says about yourself, is being homosexual a disease? Come on, man.

    Reflect about your thoughts and behavior, maybe you are under the influence of something and you think being gay is weird and a disaster, I dont know.
     
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  8. YeetBoi21

    YeetBoi21 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah this exactly
    You don’t have to be attracted to woman,you clearly said you never were at the start so I don’t know how you can be
     
  9. outlander.9

    outlander.9 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah dude from the sound of it you're probably gay.

    I mean, by all means quit PMO cause it sounds like it's causing you problems but...if you aren't into women, then you aren't into women. It's really not the end of the world.
     
  10. DingDonDing

    DingDonDing Fapstronaut

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    Objectivity is your problem. Stop seeing ppl as objects. Seek balance, and set your own foundation. Organize your wants, needs, and desires. Aline 2 of the 3 and get rid of the third. You have to find strength in yourself and know no one is better than you.
     
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  11. There are a lot of men who are fathers but feel they are more attracted to men. So in this sense, you can have kids and still be gay. Not sure if that makes a man bisexual or not. Some men it seems are far too gay to have kids.

    And no, sexual orientation cannot simply be changed. Maybe it can shift somewhat over a lifetime, but that is probably not entirely in the control of the person.

    Try to overcome the shame that you seem to be suffering from and enjoy your apparent homosexuality.
     
  12. end_it_for_good

    end_it_for_good Fapstronaut

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    dude, if you are gay and want to have kids. find a guy you like, get married, adopt. gay people have been doing that for 40 years. I don't know where you live but i'm guessing there is a lot of homophobia. read this: https://itgetsbetter.org/

    btw. i'm not gay, but have a TON of gay friends. in sf there are just so many of them, they are everywhere.
     
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  13. Arachnophobian

    Arachnophobian Fapstronaut

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    As a gay guy, let me just say that I appreciate the responses thus far. It's really nice to see supportive people out there, more than you guys know.

    Now, OP, like bken said:
    It's true. I am 100% gay but found myself enjoying straight porn. Didn't make me straight though; I still am romantically involved only with men.

    However, like other's have said, it seems like you have feelings going on of which you are ashamed. I don't know your background or anything about you but even your wording makes it clear that you're afraid of what's going on.

    In the end, you can't change a sexuality. It is what it is, and the data on suicide rates after "conversion therapy" support the fact that it is something innate: trying to "reverse" it ends up being extremely detrimental to your mental health. Gotta just come to terms with it.
     
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  14. AnmysUser18312

    AnmysUser18312 Fapstronaut

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    I prefer to have biological children instead of adopting though. I want to have a real family and true descendants which come from my reproduction. I really wish this is still possible even though I am gay and sexually attracted to men. I am never attracted sexually by women before though. Hmm... *sigh* Any idea if I don't want to adopt and want to marry and have biological children despite my current sexual orientation condition? I don't want to adopt some random stranger babies as my children. My brain's sexual thoughts seem to be attracted to men's skin and my own skin/body parts. I'm not sure why though. Is sexual orientation natural part of us? Is it our choice or just nature? We can't change it so I guess we are born like that?
     
  15. Buzz Rees

    Buzz Rees Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like you're getting it, asking the right questions now, hopefully. I'd say yes, it's a part of us, simply our nature, a result of an incredibly complicated game of genetic statistics. Can't change it. Born that way. (That Lady Gaga's song comes to mind, saying that. Hehe.)

    If you can handle polyamory, or some other alternative arrangement, donating seed to a lesbian or bisexual couple that would want to include the donor in the child rearing might be an option. Or knocking someone up who's up for it despite the lack of an erotic relationship. (M&fingers than really comes in handy... I know of a few friends who fathered kids this way.) Bit like the comedy Friends With Kids.

    I wouldn't frown on adoption though. Considering adopted kids who were raised and truly loved by their parents as "not true descendants" is a bit of a sad view; biologically reductionist.
     
  16. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    The growing consensus in the western world is that someone's homosexual status is a given and shouldn't be changed, yet if heterosexuals are feeling a little confused, then they're pushed to "open up" as homosexual rather than learning to accept their heterosexuality. Quite a bit hypocritical, in my opinion.
    On your question, if you want to become a heterosexual, I see no reason why anyone should try to discourage you.
    There are psychological programs to change a person's orientation, but they don't work 100% of the time.
     
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  17. Buzz Rees

    Buzz Rees Fapstronaut

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    Actually, no, there aren't. There are fundamentalist religious, non-evidence based conversion "therapies" which are not even allowed to be called that any more as far as I know, and their most common outcome is severe mental health issues and a dramatically increased likelihood of suicide. They are not based on psychology, not run by chartered psychologists and taking any part in running them (as a therapist) is considered a disqualifying act for many umbrella organisations and professional bodies in the world of therapy (both of the two largest one in the UK, UKCP and BACP, not that sure about their US equivalents).
     
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  18. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    Who do you have feelings for ? Who do you want to do deep kissing with? Have you ever loved another man as in wanting to be with them and kiss them? This whole skin thing reeks of fetish.

    I suggest you start by reading this:
    https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-you-trust-your-johnson/

    And this:
    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybo...d-the-brain/are-sexual-tastes-immutable-2012/

    You'll have to do some soul searching man. I've always struggled with hocd myself and my sissy fetish has convinced me I was gay at times. I've even met with some men to have sex but couldn't as the reality was far too different from the porn scenes I played out in my head. Often times serious porn addiction will lead to this type of problem, characterized by objectifying and novelty seeking. It is the thought about doing something new and taboo that can cause a massive high needed for the reward circuitry to prevent tolerance in case of addiction. Porn can make things you wouldn't like in real life seem very enticing. Sex is different if there's an actual other human being with you in the room you know. At that point if you do not like or love that person standing in front of you sex will be out of the question. It will only be then that you will discover your true orientation in my opinion.
     
  19. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    I know a lot of organizations use extreme and sometimes dangerous techniques, which is one of the reasons I didn't suggest any specific program. The other reason is that I only how things go here in Israel, and there are people here that work to help people like the OP who don't want to stay homosexual. I see nothing wrong with trying if you can find a legit program.
    I don't get it. People around the world can physically change their gender but aren't allowed to try to become heterosexual? How messed up is that?
     
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  20. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    This is the modern sexuality predicament.

    Modern view: If you're attracted to men and women, you're something called "bi". If you're attracted to same gender "gay", if you're attracted to complementary gender "straight". The modern view says stick to one and be consistent and accept it as natural but only as long as you stick within the guidelines. No flip flopping. Also, attracted to children is an illegal perversion. Attraction to 17 year olds also illegal.

    Ancient greece (and many other places and time periods) view: No such thing as "bi" straight or gay. We're all just sexual and all is good. You can have sexual relationships with young boys. A man can have a relationship with a wife, young boy, and man. At teh same time. Or not. Generally not a big deal. No need to categorize. Of course various groups had different perspectives, such as the stoics, but generally no interest in some "sexual identity".

    Religious view (christian/muslim/jewish etc): Any sexual desire outside of marriage between the complementary genders is a deviance. Source of desire could be self or satan or spirit or whatever but the idea is not to act on it. Understanding is some ppl have more deviant desires than others but everybody is struggling to walk the "straight path".

    In our modern world, these perspectives are all floating around, with the "modern" view being dominant. I don't know what to tell you. Just pick a view, pick a supportive community and go from there. You have to figure it out for yourself.
     
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