How do I date if I have PIED

Like the title says I have pied. I’m on day 7 with minor peeking and no masturbation . I’m just very lonely and tired of being alone and sad . Is it still possible for me to try and date with pied? Sometimes I just sit at home and wonder if it’s going to be like this forever . I will be 31 in a few months and I don’t know if I can go forever like this .

 

I’m not gonna lie to you guy I get down about it . I’ve been dealing with pied problems whatever I have , low libido and no sex drive since I was 20 years old . It feels like it may be forever and that really does scare me. Like you guys said it’s not really about the sex, I’m just super super lonely . I need someone , I’m angry all the time and I wish my life was different than how it is now . I think letting the pied go all these years and indulging has made it all worse .

 

Shit that sucks man . I’m sorry your going through that shit especially married . I’m pretty sure I have low libido man . My dick won’t even get up to my favorite porn . If I jack off , it stays soft and when I cum its soft . I’m really really worried that this isn’t from porn at all . I’m worried that it’s from all the ecstasy I took when I was in high school . I woke up one morning from an edging session and realized I couldn’t get turned on much anymore and I had ED. This was when I was 20 . I did more drugs and drank till I was about 26 to cope with this . Now I’m about to be 31 , I’m clean and sober but I still have this problem . I’ve been to rehab when I was 22 and I also go to the gym and alot of gym goers are ex addicts . NONE of them have this problem that I have , their all fine . I don’t know if I screwed something up when I was in high school . My General Doctor doesn’t think the drugs have affected me . He thinks it’s from excessive porn and masturbation . Me being naked with a women will not arouse me . I still find women attractive it’s just like my emotions feel dulled . I’ve had blood tests and they can’t find anything wrong . He wants me to see a sex therapist . I’m really scared man . I’ve attempted suicide over this before and I have a large scar on my thigh where I tried to cut my femoral artery , it took 15 staples . I was 23 years old at the time. I just feel a lot of despair man. Looking at porn doesn’t arouse me anymore but if I do look at it , it will dull the pain and just make everything “ok”.

 

No man I haven’t . I live alone in my 550 square foot apartment . I don’t mean to sound pitiful , every night I go to my parents house and have dinner with them . I know one day they will not be here anymore . My brother has his own life with his GF now that he will probably marry . I don’t know what I’m going to do when my parents are gone and I’m still here fucked up like this . No where to go and no one around . I hate to say this but I always remind myself that one day I’ll die and all this pain will be over with . Hate to say it but I look forward to my death .

 

Thank you man . Yeah I’ve tried v1agra from the doctor . They semi worked in the beginning when I was like 25. Now they do absolutely nothing because they aren’t aphrodisiacs . I used to take the rhino pills from the gas station years ago and those did work but again stopped working . I’m dead inside and I don’t know what to do . We’re all in this same shitty boat together , like you said . We gotta see a way through it . Sadness is alwsys their for me man . I’m tearing up right now as I’m writing this to you . It’s not so much that I wanted to die . I just wanted to escape this . In my mind I was like “maybe it’ll be better where I’m going after .” I thought if I die and still think if I die I can get another chance in another life . I have the scar on my thigh to remember what I did to myself . It’s just I’m sober now and live alone and my parents are getting older and it feels like the roof is caving in again . I’m sorry what’s happening to you and your marriage with your wife . I find myself day dreaming all the time how my life would be if I were normal , or if I could restart how differently I’d do it . It’s just a thought , we only have one shot at the life we’re given . I don’t think I could ever share this stuff with people in the real world. My parents don’t even know I tried to kill myself. I told them I slashed my leg while skateboarding , I used to skate a lot back then. I did it In my house then hobbled to the neighborhood park . I didn’t want to die in my parents house . Something changed while I was walking their , I felt all dizzy and I wanted to live for some reason . I walked back home and told them I slashed my leg while trying to grind a rail . Not trying to sound depressing this shit just really gets to me , how messed up i am.

 

Yeah man we’re in this together we need each other . I was about to look at pics of women on the internet but idk I was just like ya know , maybe I should see if anyone replied to my post . It’s like man my dad has multiple sclerosis and I know that they don’t live as long as someone who is healthy . I do Eveything I can to help him . I text him every morning to make sure he’s made it to work and I mean I just don’t know what I’m going to do when he’s not here . I wonder if that’s what’s going to push me over the edge again. I alwsys tell him in a joking manner ( even though I’m not really joking ) I alwsy say I’ll probably jump off the freeway once he’s gone . He goes you can’t do that because I didn’t raise you to do that and you have to keep living for me . It’s just difficult man , it’s difficult all around . For me and you and for everyone on this forum . I got bullied alot in middle school . I was always the sensitive type and I took it to heart . I started watching porn in high school cause I figured no one would want me . When girls would show interest In high school I would shrug it off as “their just being nice .” I would retreat home after high school and fap and watch porn and smoke weed until my parents came home . I thought it didn’t matter cause I was too fucked up for anyoen to like me , I was scarred from junior high . I realized later that the things the kids told me in junior high were true and most of us are fat and ugly back then lol , those are the awkward years . I did a lot of drugs In high school to cope with the social anxiety and the self loathing . Once I was 20 and I had a couple girlfriends, by that time , the PIED hit me hard and Eveything has been shits since . I believe in god man . Hell I’m angry at him , I ask him all the time why he did this to me . It’s left me bitter towards god man . The majority of my life has been chaotic . I’m really glad you feel like this is helping you and you can empathize with me . It’s hard to find that these days . Most people in the real world are glued to their phones and void of any feelings .

 

I had a really big problem with alcohol too man . I went to Rehab and AA when I was 22. I’ve been on and off antidepressants since high school and like I said I did a bunch of other street drugs . I mean hell man I was drunk as a skunk when I ran that knife into my thigh . The alcohol made it, along with my antidepressants, not care and stick that knife in my leg . See I was suicidal for a long time . The Alcohol , antidepressants and family being mad at me for being a drunk gave me the drive to try and end it right their . At times I’m in denial that porn can actually cause all of this suffering. Then I log onto here and talk to guys who are exactly like me . Guys that are going through the same exact thing . It’s day 7 for me today with no porn or M or O. I’m not gonna lie I’ve been fantasizing but that’s all. I want 90 days I want to see what that feels like . The first time I fapped I was 13 to a pic of a girl in a bikini in my dads mens health magazine . Looking back till now . I’ve pretty much done it everyday since then. Someone with a normal brain may be like ok that’s cool I’ll do it once a week , but not people like us. Like you said it’s the hardest drug to beat . I’ve seen your brain on porn and I see myself in those clips and in those words. .I’ve had two medical doctors that believe that what I’m going through is porn and masturbation induced . My doctor said he’s seen people recover from it . Sometimes I feel like a little “b****“ for crying but I can’t help it man , shit is painful and tears me up . Especially seeing people my age with families and kids of their own and knowing that I can’t have that . It’s very heart wrenching , that's what drives me back to porn to kill the pain . Keep
Going for your wife man . I try to think About Eveyone and Eveything when I want to relapse. Thank you for telling me your prayer for me and I will do the same for you . Sometimes all I say is “please god help me “. That’s all I say , I think maybe god lives in us at times . Good deeds people do and things like that . We all need each other and we need to stay tight knit and express how we feel if we are truly going to beat this man .

 

I saw the mri scans of the cocaine and porn addict Brain. I, like yourself also have fetishes and I’ve also paid sex workers to carry out that fetish . It’s been years and years of paying these women and it’s just made me go deeper and deeper into the deep dark hole. Most of them were surprised how young I was , it made me feel even weirder . I guess what makes it difficult too man is that I’ve been single for years and years . I have the money to pay for this shit . This is how it got for me though . Hiring a sex worker isn’t cheap , you get the pre high where you go and see her . You imagine it’s gonna be better than it really is. Once it’s over , at least for me . I feel really depressed and pitiful and I think about what I could have done with that money I just spent . It’s a waste of money and it’s only hurting you more . That fetish isn’t my particular fetish but I understand how it is . We just have to be strong man so we can live a life of normalcy . Porn was created to destroy the soul , which it has done . Like you said stopping alcohol was nothing compared to this. Porn is like trying to quit smoking cigs while you have a pack in your pocket at all times . Like you said others have done it and so can we . We have a good support here , just gotta reach out . It’s funny how hookers call it a “donation” lol they use all that terminology to make it sound better . Like no I’m paying you for a sex act lol. Honestly I think a lot of those hookers are just as lost as us . It’s a waste of money too man . We have to rise above that shit .

 

I still have escorts that text me and ask me how I’m doing and all that. Their pretend to care and then the conversation always turns too, when are you gonna come see me again . Aka “when are you gonna come pay me again “. I was getting high end ones off the internet man . Sex workers is just porn in real life . It honestly makes Pied worse man. People don’t understand why I’m single all the time and I don’t want to tell them obviously . The addiction kills everything , even my music sounds dull to me . Idk if you have experienced that or not . See man years ago , And I mean years ago. I would see a sex worker and I couldn’t wait to do it again . Now Im so depressed and my emotions are so dull I just feel bad after it’s over . Plus I can’t get it up or keep it up. I get sad cause I got Pied when I was 20. I wasted my best years on fapping, drugs and sex workers . I can’t get them back man . That’s why I did what I did when I was 23, I couldn’t see a way out. Sucks living alone in isolation too man. It’s crazy how I’ve talked to so many people on here and theirs so many similarities between us all . It’s like when I went to rehab I told my parents I said I’m not like these people . My parents go you are exactly like these people .