How do I do this

I can understand that feeling all too well. That thought process is all too common for me. I've had somewhat of a success in curbing it, I'll share some of what I did in hopes that you can use one of the tools. In the very beginning, it was a deep struggle to find my 'why' and stick with it. I'm having a similar issue now, but I've revisited some of these steps and am finding my way back towards victory.

One of the first things I did was clearly identify my tripwires. This was somewhat difficult, as some of my favorite games (and escapes) were major catalysts for relapse. I knew that at the moment, in my current state of mind, I could not healthily partake in them as much. However, I also knew I couldn't just deprive myself of everything. I started with audiobooks, simply found different games to play, and started to curate a hobby that involved reframing how I spent time by myself. I started writing short stories, but you may find a different creative outlet to be equally as satisfying. As for my work, I focused on achieving better results there rather than any of my other goals. I would focus on say, helping my fellow staff our with various tasks, going above and beyond in ways I was capable of, etc. I also began working out, or at least doing my best to, and in some way trying to expend as much energy as I could on these tasks.

There are other smaller things I did as well. One was my diet. I myself went onto a Ketogenic diet, as I've found it is what works best for me. I do not suggest starting out with this, but one surefire way to start is to eliminate processed sugars and foods you know to be bad for you. Food, I've found, has had a major impact on my mental wellbeing and ability to stay strong in all facets of my life. It also helps build discipline. Discipline is what I believe to be the key to defeating this addiction, or at least one of several important pieces. Willpower is finite, discipline is not. As you train it like you would any muscle, you'll find it's easier to let those thoughts pass and resist temptation. The thoughts will be present, whether we like them or not, but the strategy here is not to let them take a foothold.

I mentioned books earlier, there are some that really stuck with me and I recommend giving them a look. These are all from my personal audible library, so they're all available for audio purchase. These directly address some of the issues you brought up in your post, and these individuals are far more qualified than I am to give you solid advice.

Brain Lock - By: Jeffrey M. Schwartz
This book tackles OCD and other tendencies of an issue referred to as Brain Lock. It greatly helped me reframe and learn some vital tools to use in combating this as well as my troubles with food and confidence. It also provides some amazing references and shares with us the sheer power of our brain when utilized effectively. I highly recommend it.

The Brain that Changes Itself - By: Norman Doidge
Likely one you've heard of in YBOP and NoFap circles. This book is worth its weight in gold. Again, it helps to inform you and help you realize the potential you're working with within your brain. It also notes several tools you can use and pitfalls to look out for. Once you're aware of these, you can step around them or at the very least, recognize them for what they are. This has been absolutely brilliant in my loadout of mental combat. Highly, highly recommend. If you get any books, this is one to have for sure.

Recovery: Freedom from Addiction - By: Russell Brand
I wasn't expecting it either. But I've found it to be an incredibly helpful personal resource in really being honest with myself and what I'm going through. I'll let you in on a secret. This book? It's why I finally made an account on here. So while it hasn't fully digested as I haven't read it four or five times yet, I can certainly say it's had a profound effect already. I never much cared for Mr. Brand's material outside of it, but with an open mind I read this book and was able to uncover hidden weaknesses in my own suit of armor so to speak. It also addresses our particular fight, where as other books focus more on substance use.

No matter how beaten down you are, you're never out of the fight. You win this one day at a time, warrior. I hope this is able to provide some help, or some avenues to search down to find some good information.