How do I explain to my wife?

[Idkwhattoput]

Hi all,

I’m new to this and I’m sorry in advance if this is in the wrong section.

I started nofap about 4 days ago and I think this is probably one of my longest streaks. I’m 27 and I’ve been married for 1 year together with my wife for about 6 years. At the beginning of our relationship we had regular sex but after a while I started getting involved with PMO again.

Fast forward to now and I’ve told her about my attraction and reliance on porn. It’s cause me to not be intimate and us to behave more like friends and not lovers. I don’t blame her for any reason.

I’m looking for some advice. Every time we talk about it, she feels as though it’s an issue with her. She feels her weight might be an issue or she might not be pretty enough and I don’t know how to explain to her that it had nothing to do with her. It was issues I had/have. I want to bring the intimacy back to our life’s. I just don’t know how to put her mind at ease and how to reassure her that she’s not to blame. It wouldn’t matter what she looks like, I would still have issues.

I hate hurting her and I just want to stop this.

Thank you

 

[drac16]

Perhaps you could introduce some sex toys into your love life. That will spice it up a bit. It'll be fun to experiment with each other. Other than that, try to do spontaneous things. If she's watching TV or reading a book, just say to her "Baby, I just need to fondle you a little bit", and then fondle her. Be sure to initiate the sex so that she knows that you are truly interested in her.

 

[MaxP71]

I’m looking for some advice. Every time we talk about it, she feels as though it’s an issue with her. She feels her weight might be an issue or she might not be pretty enough and I don’t know how to explain to her that it had nothing to do with her. It was issues I had/have. I want to bring the intimacy back to our life’s. I just don’t know how to put her mind at ease and how to reassure her that she’s not to blame. It wouldn’t matter what she looks like, I would still have issues.

I hate hurting her and I just want to stop this.

Thank you

I don't have any amazing suggestions for you (and am sort of in the same boat myself). One thing that might be helpful, though, could be to show her an article or short video about the basics of porn addiction. Of course, that will be most effective if you're committed to giving it up. But, if you show that it's a common problem, and that you're committed to changing, and that you are choosing her over porn, maybe that would help.

 

[Deleted Account]

Welcome to the community. It takes some time with knowledge and thought to explain it well, but you will get there.
You could also suggest some reading for you both together. Also if she is willing you could bring her hear to read in the relationship section.