How do I (F19) and my boyfriend (M19) get through NoFap?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by ObviousToTheCasual, Mar 22, 2021.

What course of action should my boyfriend and I take?

Poll closed Apr 22, 2021.
  1. 1) same old same old

    0 vote(s)
  2. 2) cut out physical intimacy

  3. 3) have sex

  4. 4) other

    0 vote(s)
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. ObviousToTheCasual

    ObviousToTheCasual Fapstronaut

    My boyfriend wants to stop both masturbation alone and together (the two of us) and I completely support him.

    The thing is we don't know where to begin because it only leaves us with few options
    1) We continue what we are currently doing and remain miserable. Right now, we have dry sex until he ejaculates, and that's basically the extent of what we do together. It can happen up to two or three times a day, but it's usually only once a day or once every other day. We both would like to stop for our own personal reasons.
    2) We cut out a large part of physical intimacy. He can't restrain from getting too into it when we cuddle and are together physically. This still remains an issue and we don't know if we have to completely cut out cuddling, hugging, hand holding , etc. I personally feel like I need the physical intimacy but he has told me he can't provide these physical needs if he wants to truly commit to NoFap. I'm worried this will strain our relationship since my love language is essentially touch and I have a need for physical intimacy.
    3) We have sex. I was really hoping that it does not proceed to this but it might be a solution, I don't know. I'm worried the masturbation addiction will turn into a sex addiction. We both want to abstain.
    4) other? please elaborate

    We also do not intend to breakup, so please do not suggest to do so
  2. skybrowser

    skybrowser Fapstronaut

    Even putting the masturbation addiction aside restraining from sex could be good for your whole relationship, it gives you two more of a chance to connect on a more emotional level and can help you to see each other with more clarity.
    0ffset_, Iohannes and again like this.
  3. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

    Why does he want you to stop - and why stop together?

    Did I read correctly that intercourse is not on the table currently?
  4. ObviousToTheCasual

    ObviousToTheCasual Fapstronaut

    Personally, for me, I want to abstain from sexual activities for religious reasons, although we have already been sexually involved (dry sex, fondling, handjob, etc).
    He wants to abstain from masturbating alone and from masturbating with me/sex to improve his self esteem, to improve his energy levels, to avoid wasting time, to improve the overall quality of our relationship, to respect my religious boundaries, and many more if you would like for me to go in depth

    Yes, intercourse if off the table. We are both virgins
    0ffset_ and FX-05 like this.
  5. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    1- Not an option. If you keep doing what you are doing, you are going to get the same shitty result you are getting rigth now. Never settle for shit. Settle for great.
    2- I don't like this idea. Physicall interaction is good for a relationship. Make two people bond. Avoiding this can make you fell apart or maybe have the need to look for it outside the relationship.
    3- I would try this option in your scenario. Sex make people bond even more. Why waste time fapping when you can share and enjoy the real deal with each other? If you try and have sex several times and you feel that is turnning into something bad then you can stop and try another way.
  6. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the context.

    From what you've said I feel like what I'm hearing is that both you and have him sexual desires, including for each other. However, both of you want to abstain completely from masturbation/dryhumping for a variety of reasons that include religious and personal.

    If I have that right, here are my thoughts

    1. As long as both of you want to do it for yourselves, and support each other, it should be doable
    2. I would not go to have sex if you don't want to just to relieve sexual tension/pressure
    3. You need to be able to set boundaries on what's acceptable and what's not. Make it clear. I get why he may not trust himself to stick to them - however you also have intimacy needs as well and he should respect that.
    4. Simply forgoing sexual intimacy in specific ways won't improve your relationship automatically. There may be other options such as reading books together about emotional intimacy, finding hobbies to do together, etc that fufill those goals while not creating new relationship constraints.

    Good luck1
    skybrowser likes this.
  7. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

    I was under the impression that those who abstain for religious reasons abstain from all things sex. This whole avoiding sexual intercourse for religious reasons whilst still doing a whole bunch of other sexual acts seems kind of erroneous to me. A bit like a porn addict saying it's ok I don't fap to porn ... just cam girls, instagram, tinder, twerk videos, erotica, escort ads etc ... but not porn. Kind of defeats the object?
  8. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

    It's a sterotype but probably accurate that people who refrain due to religion may practice the "everything but" method when it comes to sex. People still have urges and hormones and wants and such. Just because someone wants to be celibate for religious reasons doesn't remove the "lizard brain" wants. So, sometimes compromises are made.

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