How do I gain self-respect?

You are discovering the same thing everyone else on this board is discovering or has already discovered: pornography is a vacuous and hollow pleasure. It is a shit solution to a real problem. Take actions that other people find valuable. Create something you can be proud of. Exercise. Work to change careers. Set a bar for yourself and reach for it. Make friends with other people who are doing the same thing. Do something new and different. Go buy a hamburger for a homeless man. Change something. Nudge yourself in a new direction. Give serious thought to what value and success actually mean to you and see where those thoughts take you.

 

I agree with Garek that to have self-worth, we have to do worthy things and those options are near endless. To be able to value yourself, I start with learning what my 'core values are and move forward and toward those.

Addicts are always in conflict with their higher beliefs and core values because our core values really define who we are and what we value the most in life. The conflict comes because our problem behaviour usually supersedes and undermines those values, with the end result being that we are not living a life true to our higher selves.

Google 'big list of core values. Then go through that list identifying the core values which mean the most to you. Maybe it's wealth, security, family, service, health & fitness, community, friends, career, loyalty, spirituality, discipline, whatever. It could be anything. The list is long.

When you've made your own personal list, then create groups of the core values which you feel belong together. Like: finance & wealth, or, family, community, and then you will start to see that these things are part of a core value group to which you lean towards.

As an example, then ask yourself:

Q: What does Finance, Wealth mean to me?

Then answer the question and say something like:

A: Finance and Wealth means: Security, status, freedom. Of these security and freedom are the most important because....

So now you're getting to the crux of why you aspire to earning money. Example only.

Then ask yourself:

Q: How is my current life in conflict with this value?

A: My current life is in conflict with this value because: (maybe), I'm in a job that I don't really like and see no future in. I also spend too much time acting out which means I'm not investing the best version of myself in the things I truly like and most want to do and that's one of the reasons why I feel so crap about my lot!

Then ask:

Q: What initial steps could I take to address, or resolve this conflict?

A: Initial steps I could take to resolve this conflict are: I could start investing my time in jobs/activities which support my core values and passions, planning my future, identifying leads and networks and resources which will help me realise this core value...

Repeat that for four, five or six core values and at the end of it you will get a powerful blueprint of the life you should be aspiring to. Then you can create a more detailed goals orientated program for you to focus your energies on based on those values.

It's not a remedy for stopping pmo, but it's quite possibly the foundation of a great future that could lead away from porn and up into a life plan that fits with your highest goals. The ones which truly resonate with who you are as a human being, because lets face it, pmo-ing is not helping any of us live up to scratch.

Would be interesting to know if this is helpful...

 

Glad you've rediscovered your sense of purpose. Come on back the next time you lose touch.

 

It's good to connect and help each other when we can. Reading your last post is helping me as I've found myself in (another) challenging episode where I find myself giving in too easily and the costs are too high for me to keep it up. Gotta get back up, dust myself down and focus hard on value centred goals.