How do I genuinely get my priorities straight?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by n7elite30, Jul 15, 2020.

  1. n7elite30

    n7elite30 Fapstronaut

    I keep seeing “focus on being your best self first” and “give yourself time to recover” and I get that. I want that. But I keep finding myself with the mindset of “the faster I become better, the faster I’ll really be ready to date.” It’s not even really about sex at this point. I want my next relationship to be long-term. Ideally, she would even be the right woman for me to marry but I know that’s a lot to hope for. I really just want the emotional connection of being understood on that deep level. If sex eventually comes with that, great! But it’s not my primary motivation anymore.

    I’m sure I won’t meet anyone in my current situation: full-time student, soon to be just plain unemployed (I’m not going back this fall), stuck living with my parents after my campus shut down (thanks, COVID), and going to counseling for late-diagnosed ADD and emotional/self-confidence issues. That still doesn’t stop me from wanting to hurry up and get to the part where I’m “better.”

    I guess what I’m getting at is how have y’all taught/forced yourselves to really be patient and content in your singleness? I’m tired of stressing/moping about it so much.
  2. magic05

    magic05 Fapstronaut

    What is your age group?

    I'm in a similar situation like you right now. Thanks to Corona I'm unemployed since a few days and unemployment benefit is so low that I am forced to move back in with my parents in a few weeks. At age 30 that's quite embarrassing and will reduce my chances of meeting women down right to zero. I'm also in therapy for depression, alcohol and suicidal thoughts and might consider seeing a psychiatrist. So yeah, very bad circumstances for getting laid or even a relationship.

    I'm pretty sure it won't be happening 2020. And I also know this feeling of „rushing to get better as fast as possible“, I tried that for the last 6 years. It never worked, because it has a feeling of perfectionism to it and that is mostly doomed to fail. Only small positive steps work.

    I can't tell you a solution, but what I try to do in the midst of all this emotional and financial chaos is to meditate every evening, even it is just for 2 minutes. There are lots of apps for meditation. It will be tough in the beginning. Gradually increase from there. 2020 might not be the year where you overcome PMO and find a woman and even a relationship, but if you take small steps every month you can use it as as stepping stone for 2021.
  3. n7elite30

    n7elite30 Fapstronaut

    I'll be turning 27 in exactly 2 weeks so I'm not too far behind you. I can handle taking small steps. I've been doing that already this summer. I started out barely making it 3 days without any PMO and I had built up to two full weeks of staying clean until late last night. I can see the progress happening and most of my brain knows it will take a while. There's just still a small part that feels like I'm somehow running out of time or that I'm somehow "stuck." Between my ADD going undiagnosed until my early 20s and sabotaging several jobs and relationships, my addiction to porn keeping me isolated and trapped in my shame, and even going through cancer in 2018 and basically having an empty year as a result, all these parts of my life that I thought I would have figured out by now keep getting postponed. I had always thought I would have a steady job by now, a steady girlfriend/wife by now, some semblance of a routine in my life by now. I keep finding myself wondering, "When is my life going to start??"

    But anyway, you're right. It almost definitely won't be this year. I'm a Christian so I believe that with God all things are *possible* but not all things are *probable*. I'm just trying to take it one step at a time. I will look into meditating and see if it helps. I already listen to ASMR to go to sleep so it shouldn't be that different! I truly appreciate your suggestions and understanding! We'll both get there eventually, friend!
  4. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Oh damn man I reeeally feel you there. I hope things get better. That meditation advice could be spot on, good sleep makes for at least half of a good day afterwards.

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