How do I get past being triggered by manipulation?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by John Eses, Nov 24, 2019.

  1. John Eses

    John Eses Fapstronaut

    I understand that we all, every day of our lives, by the very nature of our interactions, try to convince people of things. Whether we're negotiating a deal, dealing with social interactions, etc., we all tend to do things that put us in a better light or convince others to do sonething that benefits us.

    I grew up in a household with a very domineering mother who used every manipulative trick to get her way. She was variously the authority figure, the victim, the judge jury and executioner, depending on what she wanted to gain.

    I am now aware of the fact that I am very easily annoyed if I feel like someone is trying to manipulate me. This might be seen as a good thing in some circumstances, but I realise my anger and knee jerk reactions don't help me, and on fact sometimes hinder me. I've walked out of jobs, fought in relationships, and even done things that are against my own interests, just to prove a point. How do I make peace with my hyper sensitivity to people who are manipulative?
  2. TangoTao

    TangoTao Fapstronaut

    You need to quit contact with as much finality as possible, if you are young and dependedent on your family - that sucks - but you can start postiionnig yourself conciously in the way that you at least don't give them much opportunity for scorring points with you. The more time you spent on something productive - the less window of opportunity will others have to pinch you,
    Don't argue, don't give reasons for arguing, stand on moral highground of some sort - and then you will find out they loose their
    ability to twist things to their whims -

    It can take long time to bring emotional state at peace, in the mid-term - being aware of the situation is half of battle won.
    The more you play a victim, the more they play a predator - that's the dynamic of it, don't blame yourself, instead look how you can stregntehn youself.
  3. John Eses

    John Eses Fapstronaut

    I don't see myself as a victim. It's more the fact that as soon as I feel like someone is trying to manipulate me, I overreact. I need to find a way to detach from that instant anger at their manipulation attempts.
  4. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

    As you have described I think this situation comes from your childhood. So you may try to accept your mother and her actions. It may take time to understand why she did such things, maybe she is also just a victim of circumstances (her own childhood). Also accept yourself and your anger towards her (maybe you can discuss this also in person with her when you are ready) and towards such actions of other people. Then it will be up to you either to react with anger or not for manipulative actions (or just smile and make fun of such situations). The main purpose is to make YOUR life better.
    revitalize likes this.
  5. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

    Bro I can relate to you man.

    Although my mom was abusive to me, its only because my dad was being a complete A hole. But nevertheless It has affected me, I feel insecure and have trouble feeling happiness.

    Only way forward is try to make sense why things have happened the way they have. In my case, it ain't my mom's fault. She was in a difficult situation already and she has taken out her frustration on me. I blame my dad. So that's that.
  6. TangoTao

    TangoTao Fapstronaut

    John Eses do you have any meditative/midfullness practice going on DAILY, ?
    if not yet - this can be your number one tool to start dealing with it.

    other then that - try to come up with some funny way to look at it,
    and maybe start having some fun with it rather then getting all defensive about it,
    maybe try to come up with so joke - to put the issue right on on the table instead keep it
    building up underneath and getting all tense about it.

    you mentioned that it it
    still some idividual take it to an extreeeme - and i guess that's what's most upsetting,

    John Eses
  7. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

    Have you discussed this with a psychologist? I expect they would be better suited at figuring out particular situations and dealing with specifics.

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