its a bad habit of mine and think that it’s rooted in insecurity. Does anyone have any tips to help me with feelings of jealousy and possessiveness with certain peopel ??
Well what learned over the years is that at times we all feel jelous and possessive its part of being human , you just have to relize at times your going to think that, everybody does at times its an imperfect world just acknowlege it and move on
Great job on the streak man! Yeah I can relate. You definitely hit the nail on the head that it comes from insecurity. Sometimes I also get something called retroactive jealousy where I start obsessing about a woman's past sexual experiences. The real reason is that I don't believe I stack up against other men. I feel less than and inferior to them, which makes me worry that I'll lose my woman to someone else. It's all because of the scarcity mindset. If you don't believe that you deserve your girlfriend, you'll be afraid all the time that you're going to lose her. You might also worry that you can never get another girlfriend if this one doesn't work out. This makes you hold on to things tightly and in the end makes you unhappy. If you're like me, the scarcity thinking goes beyond sex and also affects money, possessions, friends, etc. If any of this sounds familiar, google "overcoming scarcity mindset". You want to work towards an abundance mindset in all areas of your life. This takes time but you can make it happen. You've got a year of NoFap bro, it's a great time to start doing some work on your inner state.
Well both jealousy and possessiveness are based on judgement right? I think of compassion - which actually includes yourself. So it's not a matter of beating yourself up over that, which would be judging yourself and comparing again. Compassion also can come with a lot of understanding, it's not about cutting people slack indiscriminately.
I tried to get rid of it. It felt like I had succeeded. I took responsibility for everything, said that I would just win at any cost and that I wouldn't get jealous with that mindset. But things happen, and it turns out it's not so easy to control. Being on a NoFap/retention streak helps - makes me focus more on myself than on other persons and things. Anyway, I look forward to read the other answers in this thread because I am looking for a real solution to it too.
It's probably good to point out this is probably pretty deep, old childhood stuff dealing with attachment and whatnot, so we need some context and it's not like something you get a technique (tip) for and it goes away. You may be able to keep it in check with that kind of stuff, but getting to the root of it is different. I think a minimal level of psychological understanding is needed, a little bit of studying which hopefully people finds interesting.
I can totally relate! I just lost my girlfriend to that mindset. Of me being not good enough and pretty much exactly what you wrote. It's time to change that mindset! Thanks for the reply and the thread in general! Cheers! /Baldur
I'm not a jealous person. Also I'm not an envious person. You have to sometimes accept your reality. You can't control the past or your future but you can always change your present state of mind. Once you accept a person into your life there is no reason to worry about their past.
My younger self wanted what everyone else had and was unhappy because i couldn't have it. Now i live in the present and thank God for the air in my lungs and feel satisfied with what I have. I have worked hard for them. Self mantras help too.
